what a fucking nightmare!

to tell the part of my story just before this would take too long. so this is where this little part of my story starts.

april of this year.

by april of this year, i had no idea i'd ever be getting out of tucson. the town that destroyed my life. in may, the wonderful scagflag mother of my wonderful stolen children asked me if i wanted to come to spokane washington. without hesitating, i said yes. anywhere can be better than here, right? so i hop a plane, and here i am.

june first was my first full day here. from june first to june ninth, it took these idiots in the trailer nine days to fuck that up, and blame it on the new guy. me. alan sears, you should be ashamed of yourself, sir. you're no fuckin' father. you're a failure of a parent just like my mother.

june tenth and eleventh, i was homeless, but i got alot accomplished. got my medical insurance, got signed up with frontier, and got two different beds. on june twelve, i met a girl named snow. i thought, hmm, female companionship, how bad could it be. i talked to her. big mistake. i just wasted a month. in the end, we were basically just using eachother for sex simply because we both had herpes. what fun. she was psycho, immature, and fat. she's got a lot of growing up to do. and now one of her idiot friends wants to beat me up. joy.

from june twelve to july twenty something, i had to cart her shit thru the streets, wasting time, getting nuthing accomplished, killing my body for no reason. yeah. that story again. but now i'm happily single, not wasting my time on any other women (for the most part). for the last couple weeks, i've been able to make it on my own just fine, getting food every day, had bits of tobacco to smoke, and had a few people smoke me out here and there. not bad, right?

this town shuts down on evenings and weekends, which is odd to me, i've never lived in a city that had a cerfew, i come from tucson, a city that never fucking sleeps, and seriously needs to. so on sunday and monday, there wasn't much i could do, so i walked around town smoking pot with people. pointless shit. wasting time. which i hate doing. but okay, whatever.

tuesday. i wasted my time and effort and energy and body walking to city gate, where they serve the food, and i had been going to stay away from certain idiots. there was no breakfast, no lunch, i think all i got was a fuckin' donut. whensday, same thing, breakfast and lunch were pointless wastes of time, nuthing to eat. but i still kept being nice to the people, because i did appreciate what they do.

today. i went up to city gate. nuthing. i figured i wouldn't stick around for lunch, so i went to ugm for their noon lunch. i stand in line for half an hour with blisters on my feet the size of my cat, waiting patiently for food. the greedy people eat first, and the patient people get fucked. i get right up to the front of the line, i'm just about to get my little tray of food, and the guy says 'you can't take your backpack in the dining area', i said 'there's no way i'm leaving this around, someone will steal it, i don't trust anyone'. so he just kicks me out of the place. i wanted to punch the fucker. what am i going to steal, you asshole, the free fuckin' food? get the fuck off me. so i walk out of there to the bus stop, and sit in the sun.

i call frontier just to talk to someone, i start ranting, and start trying to open my last can of mini o's, which is also my only weapon of self defense i have left at the moment. got my backpack, and i'm armed real well. right as i start to open the can, the bus comes. i get on the bus, and get dropped off at who knows where the fuck where, and ask the guy which bus would take me to the vtc. he says the ninetyseven. i walk all around the place looking for a ninetyseven. there is no fucking ninetyseven. so i ask a guy. he says no, the thirtytwo turns into the ninetyseven somewhere else, and he's driving the thirtytwo, so i ask if i can get on his bus, and i finish up the frontier call.

i get on the bus, sit down in the back, and go to open the can of mini o's. i'm trying to do it gently, so i can keep the lid on the can, but the lid pops off, and chef boyardee sprays all over me, my hands, my clothes. my clean clothes are fucked now. and i'm on a bus going who knows where, in a what the fuck part of town i have no idea, and now i've got fuckin' food all over me. i wish i could even remember the details between all this, because it sucked even worse. my finger is still hurting, so i of course keep banging it into everything possible, and having to overuse its minimal strength, which hurts it more. i'm pissed at this point. i quickly scarf down the can of mini o's, and get off the bus who knows where.

i call the bus people. this kid that sounds like he has down's syndrome comes on, and tells me i'm close to the argonne library. he says it's about half a mile up the road. well, he misjudged that by about a mile. uphill. thanks, asshole. so now i'm about a mile from any bus, on a crap computer, trying to type all this shit up. i wish i had just recorded it on my fuckin' phone, it would have wasted less time, and i would have gotten more of it out. i'll have to just add more to this later, cause now i have to go. i fucking hate this life. no one could help me out, no one can offer me a fuckin' dollar, or a ride. you people in your cars... i used to have a car. jolly god mutherfuck you all, man. kiss my black fuckin' ass, i hate you for so many reasons, and i'll write a fuckin' book about them. you're all going down. spokane sucks. fuck yourselves.