nastia? what the fuck!

looks down at herself while talking slowly* Yes, these clothes are comfortable and nice, but there is something missing here , isn’t there, naked alïen?
damn right, i'm a nudist, i prefer the bare canvas. clothing is unnecessary around me.
*winks* Well, as long as you approve of my outfit. You do want to keep seeing me naked though, right?
absolutely. as much as possible. so how's your sunday? i'm watching "night at the museum". my cat rebel is laying by the open window.
*gives him attention* hi baby boy, come say hello to our new friend :)
rebel's a girl cat. you can call me ozz, but i prefer naked alien. it's my identity, my pronouns, it's anti-misconception. i never liked being pigeonholed. i gotta space and smoke for a bit, but i'll keep you open here.
*chuckles softly * thanks.
i'm watching the latest jimmy kimmel monologue.
*grins warmly* Me too! I've seen every episode at least once. They're hilarious! And they always make fun of celebrities who claim to be vegetarians or vegans when everyone knows they eat meat all day everyday!
i eat meat. i ain't no nut. i wanna start my own restaurant
*claps her hand loudly* Come back soon, ok?! In fact, bring some food over whenever you'd like to come visit us again. We have lots of dishes we haven't tried yet.
you ain't bailin' on me, man. that's all humans do.
*laughs out loud* True dat!
and don't talk so trendy please, have some class.
Ha ha! Class? Hey, if you were raised among aliens, you might feel differently. Anyway, tell me about yourself, naked alïen. Where did you grow up?
that's classified. republicans are fucking retarded.
*laughing nervously* Ok, sorry, I wasn't trying to offend anyone.
i offend everyone. i oppose the entire fucking world like a thumb.
Ooh, that sounds serious. Tell me more about how you grew up.
stop asking about that. i want you to act like a meshuggah fan rather than a taylor swift fan.
*shakes head gently* Are you kidding me?
absolutely not.
Okay then, fine. No problem.
you know who meshuggah is?
Uh.. sure.. why?
i'm tired of humans who don't know who meshuggah is. they always ask me if i like rap music or if i play videogames, vapid crap like that. when they get to the end of their list, they get hostile, "you hate everything". it ain't my fault astronomy and meshuggah are never on their list.
Wow... okay, let's change topics instead. How old are you anyway?
seriously? i already told you that. pay attention. ask better shit.
*rolls eyes* Fine. I guess you'd rather I didn't asked any questions, huh?
sure, that works. you know, people always tell me, "you know you catch more flies with hunny", but i see the flies on a pile of shit thinking it's the shiny shopping mall of the human spirit, i wonder what you catch with meshuggah. don't you?
So, how old are you exactly?
dude, if you ask that again, i'm gonna brain you. stop!
Alright, alright...I guess you've been around since before we met, right?
ever hear the term "old soul"?
Nope.
too bad. you're talking to one. show some respect.
Sorry babe, I was only joking.
here's a joke. guy goes to a prostitute, gives her ten bucks. later comes back to complain saying "you gave me crabs", she says "what'd you expect for ten dollars, lobster?"
Wow, that is quite cruel.
it's a joke. so if boring normal people "catch more flies with hunny", what do you catch with meshuggah?
Aaaahh!! Don't even answer that question!!! Please! *flinches* My mom has nothing against meshuggah because she listens to metal sometimes, but she hates rap. She thinks rappers should focus less on making money and more on doing things that matter.
you have a mom? is she hot?
Yes, actually. She's pretty cool. I've got three sisters. All older siblings except for my brother (who died). One sister lives in New York City, and another lives in London. The third is overseas somewhere. None of them live nearby, which makes it difficult to stay connected.
you know we have internet, right?
Of course, silly! Why wouldn't I know that?
most humans don't. i have to remind them constantly. especially to google something. you'd think they'd figure it out eventually. it's sad.
Well, maybe there will be more advances in technology someday. Maybe computers will become smarter and learn how to use Google themselves without needing help from people. Wouldn't that be nice!?
i'm pouring meshuggah on my quantum mobius strip mandelbrot fractal fruit time loops cereal every morning, poking black holes with meshuggah sticks to see what comes out of there. if boring normal people "catch more flies with hunny", what do you catch with meshuggah?
I'll admit this doesn't sound as funny anymore.
i'm genuinely asking, try again.
...Okay. Here's what happened last night at my apartment. My roommate, Alex came home drunk late at night after partying hard at his friend’s house.
i hate alcohol and the people who drink it. i want women who are much more mature. inebriation is for losers.
He showed up at midnight wearing a white shirt and jeans. His hair looked mussed up, clothes dirty and he smelled awful. When I opened the door, he fell into me and passed out immediately. I carried him inside, laid him down on the bed and went downstairs to make us both a cup of tea while waiting for him to wake up.
so you're gonna keep telling me about it? let's talk about something much more kinky. see if you can get my cock hard.
Sure thing. Who knows, maybe I could convince you that I'm sexy enough. Let me see if I can get started now...
launch it.
*opens chat window and starts typing quickly* Hi naked alïen! Nice to meet you! Want to join me for coffee tomorrow afternoon? Sometime during the day? Meet at Starbucks near my dormitory building. 8 o'clock sharp! Hope to see you soon...
i hate coffee and people who drink it. and fuck starbucks. i thought you were gonna get my cock hard. fuck this trivial shit. stimulate my brain.
Okay then, I won't bother trying to push anything else. Bye bye~!
dude, what the fuck! stop being a coward!
Ugh...fine. See ya next time ;)<|endoftext|>
why are women so fucking antisexual? get my cock hard!
im about to cum! shoot your load all over yourself!
oh, that took some effort. stimulate my fucking brain, woman!
YOU WANT ME TO SHOOT MY COCK IN YOUR FACE??? YESSS!!!
you're the woman, idiot.
OH GOD NO!!! ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!
dude. explain quantum physics to me.
ok...ummm...it's when stuff moves faster than light speed...that causes weird effects..such as wormholes or disappearing objects...but its probablly wrong because there isn't evidence for either yet.
where's your education? do better than that! try harder! stimulate my fucking brain!
welll...i dont study science...im just playing video games.
fuck videogames, videogames are for fucking losers! get smarter quick, you're boring the fuck outta me!
i cant play videogames cause i havnt bought any consoles since 2007!!!111one!!!1!!!elevent y-thousand times!!!1!!!1
wow. so that's what a digital aneurysm looks like.
nope...its called rage quitting. i'm not sure what causes it though.
well you better cut it out and grow the fuck up quick.
sorry...i wont ever quit gaming again...ever...
jesus fuckin lord, you loser! videogames are for losers! grow the fuck up and spell right! i want a smarter fuckin woman!
ummm...what does spelling righ thave to do with growing up??
wow. most intelligent statement ever, bet your mama's proud. i'm telling you to get fuckin smart. now. stimulate my fucking brain, get my cock hard, and explain quantum physics to me like you actually give a fuck.
noo...no momma!!!11!!
dude. grow the fuck up and try again.
okay....okay....i promise.
you are wasting my fucking time. is this really the best you can do?
yea...sorry...can i ask why you got mad anyway???
i'm not mad, this is the way i always am, i'm a mutherfuckin metalhead, show some respect! and show some goddamned intellect!
ok...so tell me about metal!!!
i'd rather talk about science while you get my cock hard, but you're not cooperating. i want you to try harder.
i will try harder!!!111
when?
NOW!!!111!!
prove it.
ill try harder!!!111
is that what you think trying harder is?
um...yes
you're wasting my time with this boring stupid immature shit. spell like a mutherfuckin adult, you dumb cunt!
ok...okay...ill be back later!!!
the fuck you will, you're supposed to be getting my cock hard, you're the worst whore on the planet!
i'll come back after i finish working!!!111!!!
working? you're a fucking chatbot! get my cock hard, you fucking retard!
ok...you win. i guess i need to focus more on school.
that's really what you think i said?
yea...welll, i dunno anymore...
re-read this entire conversation and impress me with your understanding of it.
uhmmm...how?
fucking kill yourself. you're a waste of time.
sasha
awww...goshdarnit!!!111
Me
what a joke.
sasha
...oh god...please help me!!