random facts of verbal yearning

we don't give a jolly jack fuck about fashion. we care more about passion.
the perfect blend between heavenly and heavy. ozztek radio.
i want to fucking die! i hate this stupid fucking world!
all those cool lines i ever came up with, nuthing matters anymore.
my dreams still matter to me, so that's all i'm doing now.
reinventing style... one scam at a time.
her smiles could take me miles in style.
is no one in this stupid world capable of any true sympathy.
when a girl believes in a guy, it can turn a nerd into a superhero.
when a girl leaves a guy, it can turn any superhero into a pathetic wifebeating douchebag live on cnn. and youtube.
i am so fucking depressed.
i wish i had anyone to talk to.
i wish i still had anyone who believed in me.
i wish this stupid playground world had some fucking sympathy.
i can't even find sympathy on google.
is anyone else fucking with me on this.
your last dreamer is about to die like a unicorn.
would it even matter if i still told the whole story.
so much forgotten information, it's almost like my brain hates its own past.

alternate scene: we don't give a jolly jack flubberfuck about fashion.
what fucking eighties dance party are you crashin'.
ditch the coke, your life's a joke. learn to smoke.
technology is bringing new shyt into fashion, and it's not you.
pot. nudity. dreams. google it.
you and your fashion glambag of coke are out of style.
i crashed the party. find a bong and get with it.
we don't need to plastic credit card our noses,
to prop up our corpses at the party anymore. there's the door.
the future is time to relax,
cause there are no drama drunk idiots like you left to worry about.
shut up, turn off the popular music, take off the eighty layers of fear,
and let me help you see the future you were blind to.

and finally, the epic, nonsensical, yet inspirational ending:
and would people please stop bitching about my hands.
the last time i got sick was a year ago, i walked into a fry's and breathed.
i'm sick of people dictating how i live in your society.
if you want me to function in your society the way it demands,
first you have to prove to me that your society is functional.
and sane and logical.
i used to be a dirty handed superhero. now i ain't shyt.
i guess i dated a blowfish. a pufferfish?
she wasn't even that good at sucking, and never touched me.
our last argument was because i wanted her to touch me.
but i still loved every little piece of her.
i'll always miss my dirty hand lover,
no matter how far away she fades.
unconditional love.
she taught me that.
and you idiots want me to wash my hands for you.
you losers who have never done shyt for me.
and don't involve your dollars in this.
dollars aren't sympathy. dollars don't even buy sympathy.
they sure as fuck can't buy you unconditional love.
or didn't you watch any of those movies.

i'd rather have dirty hands and a girl who loves them,
than a fist full of dollars, and the women who love that.
before you sell me your society product again,
you should understand, your society is of no interest to me.

i'm creating my own.

with whom, you ask?

let me ask you, how many people has your society rejected. mmm.

logical ladies wanted

i'm going to go ahead and be just brutally honest about what i'm looking for in my next partner. i'm basically looking for a pet, or a slave, or something of that nature. an assistant, an employee, whatever you want to call it. i know it's an offensive concept, but to me, it's what i really need at this point in my life. no more stress, i need someone who can do the job of loving me, because i've been told that's what it is, so why not be honest with myself about it, as well as my future partners. i think that's fair, and there has to be a fish in the sea who would actually want that. unless we have no individuality left from all those videogames. someone who can follow orders, although i hate that term. just do what i ask, that's all i ask. i don't want any more arguments with people i give my heart to. i want to choose the music and the movies, i keep a very clean living area, i'm organized, i don't like clutter or having too much stuff. i like a clean, minimal life, in a calm environment, and i'm tired of people ruining that. i want a life mate who has no trouble staying calm and clean, and living a simple life. i'm a collector of things, i like that to be appreciated. i love learning and reseaching all sorts of things, and i need my time to do that. it keeps my mind working well, and if you want my mind working well, i need my thinking time. i have recently been thru trauma that has damaged all of that, and i have lost everything in my life. i want to meet someone who not only can i rebuild with, but it's easy to do so, and i can enjoy it with someone who appreciates what i do. i do not live in the normal 'job' lifestyle, and never will, so if you want someone with a big wallet, keep moving. i have never liked money, so i try to avoid it at all costs, and live comfortably on what i have. i'm happy that way, and i want someone else who's happy that way. my ex always wanted candy from the corner store, munchies, and it drained me way too much, even with her money included. i've always been responsible with money and life, and i usually get accused of not being so by people who are obviously worse than i. and i'm syck of that. i want someone who motivates me and makes it easy for me to get far away from my idiot family this time. and not have to come back after i lose the girl and everything else of mine. i've always hated starting over, but this time i want to make it the best and last time i start over and rebuild. i will not lose another tv to a girl. it's not easy for me to buy a new life every time my heart gets broken. i also have never liked monogamy, but have never gotten the chance to step outside those bounds comfortably with someone who trusts me and won't develop jealousy issues that will cause arguments. my mistake with my ex, was that i couldn't just hold her and comfort her when she was angry, because i had been to overtraumatized as well.

i do not like being recommended movies or music, i like to search and discover my own, and impress people with what i've found. i've been told by many people, even exgirlfriends after we've split, that tell me as well as others, that i have an excellent, very sophisticated, high class taste in music. people should ask me what i like, not tell me what they like that i should listen to. i worked at a record store, chances are, i've already heard it, hearing it again will not change my mind about it. i also despise videogames, i'm tired of staring at the back of a lady's head for hours a day, and feeling less important to them than a stupid game. i devote all my time to you, i ask the same in return. i may stare at my computer for hours, but i don't get so stuck on it that i can't look away, because it's not an interactive game that needs me to keep pressing buttons and saying 'hold on' for five hours. 'just let me pass this level' twenty levels ago. those people don't deserve dates, in my opinion. unless they date eachother, then they deserve eachother. i want those people out of my life for good. people trying to corrupt my musical tastes are just as bad. i also do not watch television. i do watch netflix and the like, but mainly because i can choose what i see and cut the fat.

speaking of fat, i also do not want to date any more overweight women. i know it sounds disgustingly shallow, but if you knew my past, you'd understand. i wasted fifteen years of my life on big women, and while i have no issues with them friendshipwise, i do not want to be romantic with them anymore. my first real long term girlfriend, i spent six years with her, and then my next girlfriend, i spent about eight years on her, and then my last girlfriend, for a year and a half, was the thinnest, most beautiful woman i had ever been with, and i only got to be with her for a year and a half. i've always had a serious fascination with beautiful women. i've always wanted to touch them, and with the exception of my last girlfriend, have never ever gotten to touch one. she wasn't exactly a 'hardbody model', but i loved her softness and imperfections, to me she was perfect. but if she's gone, i want another woman who can not only fit in her shoes, but wear those shoes with style, rock those shoes. make my last girlfriend look like a beta version of what i could be lucky enuph to have. my last girlfriend often said i was hot, but i've never had that much in the looks department, but she also valued what i have in the brain department, which i think is my best feature.

even before i met my last girlfriend, i had been on some of the dating sites, and trying to be honest about my search for someone like me, and always get no responses or anything. i don't even get junk mail anymore, the internet is cold and sad for me. but i think if i were this honest, someone might actually read this. the line that i would end each of those dating site about me areas with, is 'lunatic fringe, i know you're out there'. i know you're out there somewhere, but how the hell do i find you. it should be easier to find someone online, but it's impossible, and i don't understand that. but i figure the girl i'm looking for, she's not going to be android addict who's never heard of spellcheck. she's not going to be a videogame addict. she's not going to have moron homie rapper friends she can't trust. okay, so what sites does that leave where i can find her. i'm not into anything popular, so i don't want her to be into anything popular either. i'd also like to say here, that if this wonderful lady lives somewhere else, i'd be willing to ship you out here to live with me, or ship myself out to where you are... basically relocation is possible, and at this point in my life, i think i could use a change like that. my mind breathes on big ideas, so i usually don't do the 'bill paying' priorities, and all that adult job world crap without a little help. i like to keep life simple and comfortable, and don't like overwhelming myself with too much stress. i've found a well functioning team, with organization skills, can usually handle these things quite well. i don't want the dramaville lifestyle anymore, with poor people constantly arguing about stupid things. i want a calm, stylish, high class lifestyle with people who never raise their voices. because if i'm going to attempt to have more children, i refuse to raise them in such a chaotic and confusing environment. it's not stable, and it's not a healthy way to learn common sense. i like common sense and logic.

i'm an evolutionist, an anarchist, and a dreamer. if you want to know more about me, do your research on those things. i'm a huge fan of wikipedia. and do not be misinformed, do not intentionally misunderstand something because of prior beliefs. alot of small minds are offended by those three concepts. i no longer waste my time on those people. i am no longer concerned with religion or government, i want to focus on bigger things. i want someone who can help me do that, and not keep me from it. someone who motivates me to think, instead of discouraging me. if you have an open mind, and make an actual attempt to learn about these things, you'll see the effort i usually put into a relationship. i want a person who is 'someone to know', because i think i am 'someone to know'. that commercial with 'the most interesting man in the world'... i think he's an alcoholic douchebag who needs a shave. and has bad taste in beer and everything else. i like mike's hard lemonade and margaritas. i've spent many years defining my tastes, i don't need someone trying to redefine them their way. just appreciate who i am, don't try to change me, just admire the changes i make on my own. sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's fascinating, but if i have a stressfree environment to think, i do quite well. i tend to get lazy in relationships after so long, so a gentle reminder once in a while, from a loving, caring, accepting, forgiving perspective is always welcome. that's a mistake i made with my last girlfriend, which i wholeheartedly regret. after my trauma, i tend to be overly wordy, i'm trying to work on that, i used to be rather professional. i plan to exceed that in the future. if you truly attempt to understand what makes me me, it will take alot of the stress out of it. do your research, i already have. i like people who actually do research, and don't procrastinate and put it off because of less important daily adult priority crap. my last girlfriend focused only on me, and it was like breathing oxygen for the first time. i've realized, i just can't be an equal part of the relationship anymore. i have to be the boss, or i just can't be happy. i know it's a dick thing to say, and i personally never wanted to be that asshole, but the glove fits, so i'll wear it with a little humility.

i have many regrets in my life, things i've done wrong, and things that i would love to do right if given the chance. i may never get the chance with anyone from my past, but i'm hoping people who can forgive my past, can let me have a brighter future, by believing that i can be something better than my past. encouraging me to be better, and not just telling me how much worse i am. i've been verbally beaten into a little boy by my family and friends for most of my life, and i want to break free from that cage for good. i want to succeed, so i can show them what they damaged. i'm really hoping this is honest and open enuph, and descriptive enuph, that someone will actually care enuph to read it, in this apathetic television world. i'm in the process of dreaming up a new community for people like me, so i need someone who has passion, compassion, imagination, drive, dreams, and all the ingredients i have. because if we're making a new recipe, we need the right mixture. i don't want another tantrum throwing drama queen. i want someone who is high style, honest, intelligent, and really doesn't care about the drama queen area of society. i'm looking for the john lennon types, the einstein fans out there. i know people like you have to have enuph courage to click the send button on this page, so if you're reading this, please, don't leave me in a dark world of silence and loneliness. come out of the woodwork and tell me you exist in a passionate voice. but still an inside voice.

if you're wondering how i plan to make my way to this high society lifestyle, i do have some ideas i'm working on right now, but it's not easy while i'm still rebuilding my life, but i do plan on making some computer software and other things. how would you like to walk into your house, and say the word 'elegant', and your computer puts on mood music and wallpapers and colours and adjusts the lighting, and all sorts of things that set the mood in your home, right when you ask for it. that's my idea, copyright fuck you, and it will happen soon. if that excites you, please, speak up, click some buttons on my page, let me know you're out there, because i've been looking for you for a long time. lunatic fringe, i know you're out there. and with my dreamer society, someday it will be easier to find eachother. please. don't let our dreams die with john lennon. he died two years after i was born. need i have waited two more years before coming here?

an alternate ending

i so can't wait to say goodbye and mean it. to leave you all alone in this darkness. i know i'm going to have to save my own life this time, i'm just not so sure i want to. stick around and help the people who couldn't save my life, when they won't even thank me till a hundred years after i die anyway. what's the point. my heart's already broken, my life's already over, you can't do much after you lose your soulmate... except try to get her back, or save the world just to make her smile again. the only way it would be worth it, is if she at least smiled in my direction again. at this point, living in this town full of thieves, i wouldn't do it for anything else. no other reason. her smile is the only payment i would want. i never meant to hurt her. i'd do anything to make up for it. she was my angel. what kind of idiot would hurt their angel.

end credits

watching movie credits. if all those people can come together, and work together to make this movie, why can't they join together to support my idea that would help them be free. for the movie, the reason they all come together is the money. they're all getting paid. they may also do it because they like the movie, but then you're just choosing movies, you're still doing the job because of the money. you may even like what you do, i don't care, it's still all for the money. but what if you i had an idea that was better than any movie, but made no money, infact, it destroyed money. would you come together to support that idea, or would you defend the money you make movies for.

birdbrained worldsaver

i slept thru valentine's day. i guess that's a good thing. this world needs a therapist and a mediator at the very least. i've realized, i'm never going to be able to change this world into a more logical home of happiness. a more loving and caring species. if i tried to say that it was to make us all happy, they'd just want to start an argument by saying 'no, it's only to make you happy, we're not happy, we were happy with our lost dvds and our media penicillin'. there are too many assholes here, with too many erroneous fucking opinions that are so fucking important to them, they're willing to die for their opinions, instead of living to save their opinions, but at this point, all of our opinions should be scrapped, and we should take a wider look at our world, and you've all already more than proven that you refuse to listen to me no matter what the fuck it could bring. i see where everything goes wrong, and how to fix it with logic, but what i'm seeing is a delusion, and you're sane because you're the one telling me so. great explanation. that clarifies everything, makes this world transparent like it should be, doesn't it. you let me get half an explanation out, and you interrupt me with some stupid shyt like 'you little crybaby', instead of anything productive. fuck you all. i so want to fucking exit this stupid childish irresponsible selfish spoiled whiny world. all relationships are ruined by a lack of responsible communication. i can see it. why the fuck can't any of you agree. are you not adult enuph to want to save your world, or save your own lives logically. and i'm the one who is suicidal. what a joke. the only way to achieve anything in this world is to 'fight for it' or 'die for it'. we need to shoot holes in our vocabulary and create a new language that doesn't support the 'life or death choices' we have to make on a daily basis because of a monetary system we have so much faith in after all these repetitive cycles and bloody earth. this is the world i want to see only existing in movies. the world where military generals say shyt like 'spilling blood on american soil' and all that crap. keep that fiction to the big screen, and let's make a real fucking world. your answer: no. my retort: i'm outta here.

fragments of heart

i wake up on a wet pillow every morning. i can't watch a movie without crying. every time i see the girl in the romantic comedy look at the guy with those eyes, i feel like i'm having a heart attack. i wish to god she would just say yes to me, just one more time. i have to see that smile, it keeps me alive and breathing. my stomach feels completely empty. it's so easy to just sit on a cock, why don't women do it more often, it's so easy and fun and feels good, why are we so scared, just sit on it. why are we so afraid of eachother. if we fucked our women more often, they would smile more often. fuck your ladies as they're handing food out the drive thru window, so they smile more. you'll sell more food, trust me.

since she's gone, and i have no one to touch me anymore, probly ever again thanks to her. she does permanently own my heart. since she's gone, i'm just going to start typing up my fantasies again, like i used to. i've always wanted to be touched. i've always wanted to just be fucking touched. that's it. is that so much to ask. and i am fascinated by attractive women, i just have this extreme urge to touch them, and have them touch me. it's not about fucking for me, it's about touch. caress. care. i love to touch. it's sensual. pleasant. peaceful. nonviolent, nonthreatening, nonhurtful. what is so wrong with people, i just want to touch, and they all look like they feel like they're gonna be raped or something, like i'm such a creep, they don't want to touch me. i fucking hate you cold people, you cold fearful people that don't know love. i hate you people. i'm doomed to live a life alone, i just know it. i can't get my heart back, she's gone. i wish i could send her some concert tickets at least, just so she can still get to see a show. there was so much i wanted to do for her. my heart hurts.

i would die for some girl to love me so much, love me enuph to touch me often enuph. i would die to have a girl, when she's naked in the bathroom, flossing her teeth, and i walk in there, and she grabs my cock, and says 'my man with his big meaty cock'. i love when women touch cock, and talk about cock, it's sexy.

it's fucking hot. girls get to choose their guys, but they aren't choosing enuph guys, and they're choosing all the wrong guys, and if we actually made it to where women had to choose evenly, and give love to men evenly, i would still be sitting ignored in the corner of the room. my heart hurts. they're going to kick me out of this house any minute now, i can feel it. hateful fuckers. i want to fuck her in the ass again, because with any other girl, it's cool enuph, but with her, poking her in the tush was just fucking...

spectacular. she was amazing. perfect. i love her. my heart hurts. especially attractive women. the more beautiful you are, the more beautiful it is when you talk about cock with that beautiful mouth, or putting it in your mouth, it just looks like art, it's beautiful. my eyes could look at that for my entire life and never get tired of it, women are just so fucking beautiful, and i'm massively, immensely fascinated by them. the more beautiful they are, the more intrigued i am, the more obsessed i get, daydreaming of just touching that ass, pulling her up close to me, the less i know her, the hotter it is. some random girl, just pull her body up to mine. or reach down and touch her pussy lightly, and then lift her up by it. i loved doing that with perry, and i miss doing that with perry, and i can't wait to do it with other hot women, especially the ones i don't know yet. what a way to get to know a girl, impress the shyt out of her pussy first, make it wet with your manstrength, make her cum with your first touch. fuck what bobbi told me.

she said, when you're with a girl, if you make her cum the first time you're together, she'll stay with you. but if you make a girl cum by lifting her up by her pussy before you even meet her. if she's not expecting anything, any touch, any man to impress her right at that moment, and you walk up and surprise her like that. she'll marry you. you could ask her to marry you right there, infront of all those people in the middle of the meeting. and she would cry and giggle while screaming yes.

i want to create a group of anonymous friends who randomly encounter eachother in public, and just touch eachother, without having to know eachother or exchange numbers and crap first. people who just like to be touched by random people. i know people like that exist out there, cause i'm one of them. i would love to be spontaneously touched in public by a random stranger, a girl who i haven't met yet, and she just walks up and touches me. what would be so wrong with that. i would love that. i'm sure there are people who would do that. what if we identified ourselves by wearing a certain type of clothing, to pick eachother out of a crowd. what if, if we were safe to be touched, we all wore something green on our shirts, as like a green light for go, touch me. it would be kind of an irish day thing. like saint patrick's day or something, but all year long, some colour that's not already copyrighted by irish people or breast cancer people. wear a green ribbon on your shirt if you like to be randomly touched by strangers, and strangers will come up to you and touch you, and make you happy, and you can touch them. and it's only touching, no fucking, no sex, no violation, no violence, nuthing to fear, nuthing to be afraid of, no reason to fear eachother, we're humans, earthwalkers of level ground, and we all have skin, and it likes to be touched, so why not let people make you smile.

how come women look so beautiful with freckles, but men look like boys. i wanted to marry my lady. i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. she's the only woman i ever would have married, because i loved her that much. i always will love her, and i miss her. my ex succeeded in breaking us up, but because i played into it, i let my trauma get to me, and i took it out on her, cause i had no one else to help me, and i fucking hate people, you all fucked us up. god, my heart hurts. i blame you all for this pain, caused to her and i both, and i will make it right someday, because i have to be her hero. i have to love her. i lost her. and it's my fault. you killed me with your perfectly planned game. but it's not over yet. i hurt so much. legalize love already! bittersweet smiles and empowering tears. i miss my baby.

and i don't know how you ladies pack those asses behind you. how do you carry those things around with you, without constantly touching them. it's an ass. the perfect shape for a hand. so are your tits. set them free. free yourselves. you women have asses. we don't need starbucks and reality shows, you have ass! we're fascinated by you ladies. stop saying no so much. say yes to life. say yes to saying yes. it feels better and makes you smile. why not. wear a green ribbon to let us know you still love us and we're not disgusting repulsive beasts. we're begging to come out of the jungle. let the young ladies welcome us into the meadow, we've got some smiles to make, it's a bright new day. say no to hate and fear. legalize love. these are strange times. could touching eachother be any stranger.

creepy tv

okay, this is just getting creepy. i just saw the movie 'friends with benefits' on tv, where she says she wants her life to be like a movie, and now i'm watching... i don't know what show, probly 'how i met your mother', or something. but they were just talking about one of the girls was a stalker, she liked some guy and got a little obsessed. but it's freaky, because i also liked some other movie that commented on that, like bruce almighty, or something, about how when you're thinking of the one you love, in all these movies, that all the worst possible songs or shows come on the tv. well, now, what the fuck, the movie was already a little much, but then the show. and they just said 'when you want to be with the one you love, it's just fate', or whatever cheesy popular line, but this is a little funny. i want her back so bad i can taste it, but torturing me with the tv, come on. i know she has to come back, but don't fuckin' tease me with it, i am hurting. and i posted this one right at six:twelve. i also didn't get to say yet, that i saw a blue buggy car in the codac parking lot with a license plate that said 'mt lmn'. if that's not a direct sign from god to keep hoping, i'll never know what is.

alien nation

i've never been so lonely. i was messing around with my google hangouts. there's only two people on there, perry and andy, and neither of them will respond, so i went to google plus to look for people i know, and i thought about it for a few minutes, and i thought... hmm... who in my life would i want to reach out to, that has never been an asshole to me. and i can't remember a damn friend who was never an asshole to me in some way or another. i also don't know anyone who's ever said 'i'm always there for you if you need me'. no one who would have google thumbs installed anyway. and i do mean only people i think are still in tucson. how the fuck do i even find people, i don't even remember anyone's names anymore, my memory has been too fucked lately. how the fuck do i contact anyone. we're an alien planet. we can't even find eachother on google. who have i known that hasn't been a dick. or has liked good music.

just fucking mean

god, you fucking assholes! i just went to eviction court today, and they said i could keep my apartment. so, since i've been home today, i've gone to the office three times, to see what they would like me to do. the first two times, they just scattered, and left me standing there waiting. this third time, i ask her, what would you like me to do. and she mumbles something, and then says 'well, you can hand in your key, or wait till we set your shyt outside'. i said 'what'. she says 'you went to court today', and i said 'yeah, and they told me i could keep my apartment and pay you'. she says 'oh, well', and something else, but i kinda went blank at that point, and just walked back here. that was not fucking funny, you fucking pricks! i know you hate me, but do you have to make it so miserably fucking obvious! you fucking assholes. i can't take this anymore, they all treat me like shyt, everyone in this fucking town, and they look down at me. i fucking hate you.

the dreamer society

i am so syck of feeling so goddamned ignored, neglected. unfuckingheard. i'm syck of it. there's no excuse, it's other adult's responsibility to fucking listen, and i live in a world of no adults. i'm fucking syck of this.

i constantly feel like i'm in everyone's way, and taking up way too much of their time. i feel so neglected, ignored, interrupted, like i shouldn't be there. and i should know better than to try and bum a cigarette, i need my wife to do that, i'm too retarded.

what the fuck is wrong with all you people. this world is a fucking joke.

i'm crying out, and you think i'm a boy crying wolf, acting like you've heard it before. like it's all you hear because that's the reality show channel of your choice. grow the fuck up already. there's a world of possibilities out there.

i feel so fucking nonexistent.

i was hoping to get to finish my story, cause i never have enuph time to tell anyone who cares. i can't fit it into their business schedule. but if i had ever had a fuckin' shot, any chance given to me, i would have succeeded at so much more.

but who can exist on such a limited fuel supply. i'm suckin' drops out of a hose, and it's getting me nowhere, it's more pain than it's worth. it causes more pain than it fixes.

but i've never been given a break in this life, i've had to do ten times the labor just for a day, and then i never get to appreciate that day. that's not fair to anyone, but for some reason, everything thinks it's fine for me.

i'm so syck of being told to just 'do it yourself', that's all anyone can ever tell me, is when i'm crying out for help, 'help yourself', that's all i get. and whatever help they do offer, is so fucking limited, what's the point. no one has time to listen to my story, no one has the ability to help, but if i had a chance right now, i could fucking succeed. if i had the slightest bit of help.

i need to get perry and i as much mental help as possible.
it's impossible to get our prescriptions because we don't have a car to travel all over town looking for the one pharmacy who might give us our pills.
we need help paying rent tmrw, because i don't know where she is.
she has a legal obligation to the apartment, but no one cares what 'legal' means anymore.
and why should we have any responsibility, there are no consequences in this life, do whatever you want.

we need our medications, and we need some transportation who's patient enuph to help us actually succeed at getting them, and not just limited help.
we need to see our doctors, which is easy enuph for us to do, we live right across the street.

no one ever believes us when we keep trying to tell them, even doctors, that it's not easy for us to do shyt ourselves, we need major help.

and i just need a fucking haircut. that's all i'm asking for out of this mess, the rest is just the bare minimum required to live at this point. i don't get any priorities anymore.

i don't eat much anymore.
i don't sleep much anymore.
i don't dream much anymore.
i don't smile much anymore.

my money is in the bank right now, but for some reason, this new year, it feels more useless than ever before.

anyway, you mentioned something about the wealthiest man you know. i was hoping i could get on his good side and owe him alot. i need someone's help, or perry and i will not survive this fuckup of hers. she never knows how destructive she is, or how immature she's acting when she wants her way. she gets her fuckin' way, though. even if it breaks my heart and destroys my life. she'll get whatever is momentarily important to her. that's one thing that can be said toward her advantage, she's fucking determined, if she wants something, she'll get it.

but i need some serious help, from someone who's actually willing and able to help, and i'm sure you know more people than i do. food boxes just won't cut it right now.

if i don't have perry's money by tmrw morning, and have her onboard, and her payee, which we should have accomplished yesterday or the day before, the failure days.
we need a lawyer in order to get my cat back, and the rest of our crap from people who there is no talking to, or reasoning with. there's no functional logic on that side of town.
if i don't have perry's money by tmrw, then i need at least three hundred just to make rent. we still have no food, not enuph dishes, and half the food we have needs more food to cook it.
i need to get my cat back, i need a haircut, i've been needing a hand mirror, but that's never anyone else's fucking priority. i just do not matter to anyone, and i'm syck of it.
if i don't matter, then why the fuck am i still here, why the fuck won't you excusefinding children let me fucking go, this life doesn't matter, stop making such illogical rules to imprison me.
i don't know what else to do, i'm fucked, the apartments already want us gone, despite their 'second chance' clause.

but you know, i have bigger dreams than this, i know no one thinks so, but i have bigger fucking dreams than this, and i will make them happen someday. this medial shyt truly does not matter, and i will fucking show you, i will prove it to you, because that's more worth my time here than any of this juvenile shyt.

i want to start the john lennon society. my people have been persecuted for long enuph. oppressed. suppressed. whatever word you choose. silenced.

i want to create the dreamer society, for people like me. admirers of john lennon, gandhi, those kinda dudes. logical people, whose religion doesn't need to be anything other than logic. people who are true humans, honest, hard working, selfless people, who are not greedy, have no reason to be, not selfish.

people who are fans of nudity, and logic, and not fans of authority and pointless shyt like money and poverty.

the dreamers out there.
the peaceful people.

if you smoke pot, you should be able to be heard.
if you like to walk around naked, you should be heard.
if you hate money, your voice should be heard.

my cult has it all. we have a suicide clause that says if we can't have our freedoms, go ahead and kill us all, because it basically proves our point to anyone who's actually responsible enuph to listen.
we're a full fledged fully formed religion, our religion is logic, so it needs no rule book. it's common fucking sense. i want to bring john lennon back. and to do so, i need to take bill hicks' approach. the people who hate people party. we get to vote, we get to be treated as any other political person with too much ego and too much money. we get our say in the government and religion.

we stand up for ourselves. we unite. we realize how many of us there are. and we make them realize how many of us there are. there are enuph of us to be heard. that's all we need.

it's time to get my people together. so we can stand up and demand our rights. because we've been getting no rights. we've been feeling excluded and ignored. shoved off to the side.

the dreamer society.

kinda like the dead poets society, only... not dead.

but those same kind of people.

all those people. liberal voters, openminded readers, people who religion and government just don't matter much to them, there are more important things in this world, like love and art. come on, lunatic fringe, i know you're out there. and i know there are more of you than this. come on, speak up, fuck your twitter and your facebook, speak up and talk to me. join a cause that's finally for you, cause someone is brave enuph to put it out there.

people who hate people, come together! now! you don't have much choice.

if you want to keep existing in this stagnant festering swamp of the human intellect, that makes us look like the virus we are, if you want to do something about that, and make life better,

your chance is here. don't let it pass by.

we finally get to demand our rights. if we want to relax our laws, because it's not that harmful for us to walk around naked and smoke pot.

oh, yeah, and we also have what i like to call, a 'trauma allowance'. that means if you're walking around naked and doing something only safe in our laws, and you actually do something harmful to another human of a different rulebook, you can just say sorry, and get away with it, because you have already been traumatized by those assholes in the first place, and that's why we're getting cuntrol of it by doing this whole fuckin' thing. it's a fabulous point, isn't it.

so we have the trauma allowance, we have the suicide clause, we finally get our political voice, as well as our religious recognition. we have our religious sacraments, which are nudity and pot, and marijuana is mandatory for all of our people. people of our faith, which is logic, but that's the only way to translate it for the fictionally addicted minds on the other side.

but i'm syck of feeling alone. i know there are more people like me out there. which site do i need to post this on to catch your eyes. cause i'm being bold, i'm posting this everywhere i can. i've already gotten a ghost's answer from my other posts on the internet, but i know the internet is not dead, it is not a ghost, it still breathes and has potential.

i'm about to tickle that potential in its pink spot, and get it revved up this morning, cause we've got a big day ahead of us. we're finally achieving adulthood in our own religion. in our god's eyes.

we don't need your god. okay, get that thru your head, we do not need your god, we no longer need your stories, your fiction, we don't need your god, we have a legitimate one of our own now, thank you. we have just as much right to convert you as you do us. so please, keep your god in your mouth, finally, i'm tired of hearing about an imaginary man who never really helps unless it's in someone's delusion. or in the past. are you getting it yet. my god will save me just as much as yours will, so why switch. please, could someone think logically about this, and answer me like an adult. please, i'd really like to be acknowledged that i'm even talking, afterall, it's about time i get my fair share of the microphone.

yeah, you didn't realize you had some competition, did you. you thought you were lars fucking ulrich, didn't you.

yeah, as it turns out, there is another god out there, a more peaceful, logical, loving, caring god.

so that's it. i'm starting the dreamer society.

all dreamers. all fans of john lennon. gandhi. buddha. bill hicks. any of the visionaries who have illuminated the path leading us here. if we want to keep our dead heroes alive, this is what we have to do, it is our responsibility to take the responsibility upon ourselves to make our own voices heard, and to do that, we have to stand up and speak even when there's no one listening.

i'm a dreamer. and right now, i'm going to prove that i'm not the only one. if only someone would listen, and i wasn't so fucking ignored and neglected. always in the way.

i know that i'm still not as much of a waste of life as you are. i have ambition. inspiration. motivation. the will to succeed, and the drive to be better than you.

on this mission, i will not fail. that is, unless you all show how irresponsible you are. as a human species that inhabits this planet, as the planet if you deserve to live here.

i feel so lonely.
i am so alone.

even my wife hates me.
i spent new years eve alone.
and no one cares.
this world is too sad.
would john lennon want to live here.
a world where you're a criminal if you dream.
well, i know they kill dreamers, but i still dare to dream.
because it's our only hope at this point.
for redemption.

fuck retaliation and all that other horseshyt.
if we want to be seen as adults, we only have one priority.
redeem ourselves.

there is no salvation, there is no retribution, there's no other crap to worry about. we just have to redeem ourselves.

i'm not just starting a new religion. i'm not just starting a cult. and i'm not just starting my own tiny unheard little political party. i'm bringing the congregation together, which is the clue they should have gotten long ago. no more segregation of great minds. if they think alike, then put them in the same fuckin' room, cause we need more of them thinking together.

duh.

does that make sense to anyone else.

or am i really the only dreamer left.

come on, have some balls, stand up and shout like you mean it.

smile and feel alive when you get the mayonnaise out of your bloodstream, be proud, it's a good thing. take a breath, and also enjoy it. it's not evil to feel human, they just made you think that way by holding the wrong god over your head. you can be an adult, you can make your own choices, they never took that from you, you just handed it over in exchange for a cookie. get it back.

does anyone hear me

i don't even know what to say anymore. i don't know what words i could use to define how i feel. i don't know how honest i'm allowed to be about how i feel. i've been torn down to nuthing. she's shredding my sanity. she puts her hand over my mouth. she just demands that i be positive, instead of trying to understand what's made me so negative. she won't get herself any help. i've been trying for so long, but i really think it's pointless. i don't know what else to do. i'd feel bad if i left her, but she won't even let me leave her. she won't give me a minute alone to protect my sanity. she's forcing me out of my head. she keeps apologizing, but it's like someone saying 'oh, sorry, am i breaking that? oh, i'm sorry, am i destroying your life? here, let me fix that'... while they're swinging the baseball bat around. she destroys everything. and i'm always left cleaning up her mess. i can't, my sanity can't handle this anymore. this stupidity. the mess. she's made a mess out of my life in so many ways. just like my ex did. i don't know what to do anymore. i can't stand the mess. the mental mess, or the trash around me. never being able to find my shyt, never having anything to drink in the morning, even if i leave my shyt next to me when i crash, and leave water in the fridge, it will not be there in the morning, because the people around me are far too chaotic to understand what i need. they're too irresponsible to even learn how to spell right. punctuation is no longer 'in'. i've been trying to get her help, or suggest help to her in a nice way, but she takes it as an insult every time, and then starts trying to kill me. i'm scared for my life at this point, and i have no one i can tell. when is anyone ever going to care about me. what did i do to vanish from everyone's heart in this stupid city that was never worth my presence in the first place. i can't do this. i can't breathe. i can't think. i never get to think anymore, and when i do, it's always too chaotic, and i can't figure out what words i need to say to make some sense of it all. too much disaster happens for me to be able to sort thru the rubble of my life and put anything back together. i keep asking her to get help, and it's just never anyone else's priority, but they're all preaching about priorities, but the ones they're all bitching about... are mine. what is so wrong with my priorities. i used to have some good ones. not that anyone was ever paying any attention. i am the boy on that album cover. i am the boy in the corner of the room. unnoticed. ignored. neglected. rejected. disowned. and no one cares. what the fuck did i ever do. could someone tell me, at least then i would know. this world makes a person want to kill themselves, and then this world tells them not to. we design smoking areas, and then put no smoking signs next to them. we make entrance ways, and then block them off, because it's 'art'. and no one sees the logic i speak, no one makes any sense of this, no one cares, you just spit out excuses, and your authority validates them. i've been asking her to get some help. to stop hurting me. she just won't. she won't stop badgering me, smothering me, dominating me, treating me like a fucking prisoner. she obviously had the wrong understanding of 'daddy/babygirl'. i think she thought of it more like 'baby/daddygirl'. why did my parenting abilities have to be so... questioned doesn't stick. examined. probed. interrogated. what the fuck did i ever do. will anyone ever care enuph to at least answer me. nicole just blocked us, no word why, nuthing for three months, and then just 'block'. uh... is it just me. am i the only one who sees the grade level of the entire fucking earth. we could have a reality show that was a battle of iqs, to find who the smartest person is. but no one would watch it. we'd get bored after justin timberfake got excluded. in round one. level one. hell, the beginning of the show, we'd see the premise, and we'd start flipping toward kardashians. like they're our intellectual superheroes guiding humanity in a more logical direction. why can't we have a show called 'the john lennons of the world'. 'the people actually trying to make life better'. and not focus most of that show on fucking firefighters and law enforcement. could we reach that achievement at this point in our devolution. i hold no faith. it's not about getting better, it's about getting paid. if there's no money in it for you, you're not interested. i'm scared for my life. i'm losing my mind. i keep asking her to get help, but she won't, she just keeps pushing me away, destroying who i am, refusing to admit what she's doing to me. why is everyone the same. why can no one admit that they're ever wrong, or what they're doing wrong. why does no one know the definition of responsibility anymore. and why does everyone just intentionally misunderstand those words, in an effort to place the blame arrow directly at me and lock it down. when is anyone ever going to care about me, and that i had a life that was destroyed... that's not on anyone's headlines or on twitter, or anything else for that matter. does no one care. why did my life have to die this way. i wanted to be something. i wanted my point to be relevant in anyone else's heart, just for one second. but i never even got to make my point, this planet didn't come equipped with an attention span. just a criminal history. and to think, i came here to make things right. what an idiot i was. unless you're wearing a red and gold metal suit, we ain't listenin' to yer 'solutions' you call 'em. gee, thanks, people. i appreciate that. i cherish that, as my denial of your 'antisuicide' request. fuck you, fuck your world, fuck your rules, and fuck your skewed idea of respect. i am afraid for my life, and no one will help me. i am losing my mind, and you're all just waiting for me to join you. i don't know what to do to make her get help. to get herself better. so that she can love me the way she says she does. i don't know what else to do. she won't listen to me. she won't understand my words. i don't know what else to do. i am that loser in the chair. i have disappeared. i no longer matter, in a world where i never really mattered to begin with. my life is over. i've already lost everything else, why not just lose my life as well. i'll just let her snap and kill me one day, and then i'll go up to heaven, and god will look at me and say 'why the fuck did you let her stab you, you idiot, that's all your fault, we're not letting you in here, you're a moron, you never listened to our illogical laws and restrictions, you just thought you could do something cool with your life, and that's not what life is about, you're supposed to just be a slave at that point in your evolutionary process, cause you don't have the colletive intellect to achieve anything further yet, couldn't you figure that out, what the fuck is wrong with you, it's like you pretty much stabbed yourself, good going, genius, we blame you for all of it, and hey, news flash, YOU WERE WRONG THE WHOLE TIME, we don't buy logic here, this is a world of limitations and excuses, because you're actually in a playground festering on some other kid's blacklight in some other psychedelic universe, i was just trying to grow you out of this delusion, but you wanted to change the world, what a fucking loser! get a fucking job, genius! be a slave to the grind like everyone else who thinks they're sane enuph to diagnose your mental defects. you fucking moron, you were the one who should have been listening this whole time, till you understood that logic is not a priority. now shut the fuck up and go to hell, where you can try to do some good, jackass!'. i'm a delusional loser, and my mother was right. that's why i'm such a failure, i came from you, mom. i learned it by watching you. i wanted to succeed, and that's not welcome in this world, unless someone is paying you for it. fuck you all. i want my sanity back. you stole it from me, and it's wrong of me to ask for it back. but the lunacy you spew is justified by god himself. i never wanted to lose my sanity. i wasn't part of your game show. i just want to be heard. understood. and that's always too much to ask, no matter which responsible person i ask. what the fuck is going on here, why do my words not translate anymore, why do i not communicate. why are my words, when did my words become this irrelevant, and why. could someone please tell me. am i the one who is insane. or do the people on a kink community who promise to be nice, and then break their promise, and it's okay with the entire community, cause i don't have any emails that aren't automated. can anyone figure that out. please, i'll put you on a reality show if you figure this out for me. instead of just telling me, 'care about yourself, jackass'. is it wrong for me to feel this... ugly.

crash course in economics

to truly understand money, you don't need to take a college course in economics, you can learn everything you need to know about money in one miserable day, just by being a hooker. to understand economics, all you need to really understand, is the perversion of man.

we want you naked, so we can imagine what dirty things we could do to you, and how bad we could corrupt you, and how quickly we can make you cry, so we can drink your tears, and throw you in the trash with the other soulsucked and emptied product wrappers. the younger you are, the more we want you naked. the more skin you give us, the further you'll go. the more you promote our company with your ass, the more we'll reward you. if you pull in a lot of money, we'll be sure to try extra hard to make sure a few bucks might drop down and find their way onto the floor, and we won't watch so hard, so you can pick them up and sneak them home to your starving families we didn't give you company permission to have. your ass is our product. and your soul just gets in the way of that, so let's not complicate things, to ensure a much safer buying experience, while we enjoy servicing our customers.

freedom!... !

(happy new life. this is my day one. my five year chip).

generation dirt

is there anything on this earth more pointless than dirt, to make humans out of. why did god make us out of dirt, to make us equally as pointless? 'oh, i'm an important person', no, you're not, you were made out of dirt, go back to the desert and bury your head back in the sand. the monkey generation doesn't need all your defective ideas. god made the whole world out of nuthing, then looked around and said 'gee, what can i make the most important feature of this planet out of'. if he put hallucinogenik mushrooms on this planet, why didn't he make us out of those. why dirt. these are the cow turds that mushrooms like me grow from.

a blog to no one

what the phuk is this world coming to. why do my concepts never translate, no matter how mundane i make them. i could have a conversation with phuking michio kaku, and the deeper i go, i could still just see his eyes glaze over and drift away. i say this to someone, and get blamed for not having any faith or trust in humanity. therein lie the dilemma. i can't have any phuking faith or trust in humanity, because my whole life, whenever i try to speak, people just give up and walk away, the ears literally close over, or they argue with me, and bitch at me, and blame me for anything their illogikal minds can conceive. so i say this, and i get told that it's all my fault because i don't have any faith or trust in humanity. uh... wow. what a real mindphuk that is. isn't there a word for that?

master of nuthing

the end of hell.

i've been dominated my entire phuking life by my mother and grandmother, treated like a stupid phuking child. and then to be dominated by a woman as stupid as michelle, and then by a deaf fat lazy slob bitch like bobbi. i am the master, what i say goes. i will not be dominated. i will not be bitched at for how i treat my mother. i will not be told that i am wrong. i have had it, i am fed up to here with the way i've been treated, and always told that i am wrong, and being blamed for how i treat others, when others are never held accountable for how they treat me. everything is always my phuking fault, i am always made to be the asshole, and i am so goddamn phuking syck of that horseshyt. it's always 'how i treat others', but never 'how others treat me'. when is this blame game going to phuking end. when i finally kill myself, and take myself out of this sad, pathetik little picture? as if i needed any more signs that i oppose the entire phuking world like a thumb. any more proof that i am the one everyone hates. there is a reason to hate and fear me. this shyt's about to phuking change. you can all point your fingers at me, but i don't give a shyt, i stopped caring when my children were stolen from me. i see how this world thinks of me. they don't give a shyt about me, but demanding that i give a phuk about them. phuk that. you've taken everything from me. my heart is dead. you can all point your fingers at me, but i don't give a phuk, i'm pointing everything right back at you. the winds of hell chose me...

blame me all you want, it's all my fault, point your fingers, accept no responsibility yourselves, if i get pissed off, it's my fault that i got pissed off. if you're not pissed off, then you're dead. you are nuthing. you can blame me all you want, but it doesn't phuking matter, because if i don't accept it, that arrow just falls on the ground at my feet. i am immune. the end is mine.

go phuk yourselves.

update: if they want the asshole, i'll be the asshole. if the only way i can get a message to them, is to be the asshole, i'll be the asshole. it's what you want, and then when you get it, you don't want it. that's not my problem. why does everyone have to question everything i say. is it just because i speak the truth, that you have to disprove everything i say like it's a goddamned ufo. i state the solution, and then, just because they're not paying attention, i get blamed, and they question my solution, and the argument goes on forever. i state the solution. end of argument. they don't listen. hence the argument goes on. is that my phuking fault. i've heard of 'question authority', but goddamnit. people will ask me, 'what's two plus two', and i answer 'four', and then they say the most retarded shyt anyone in this universe could ever possibly think of when not thinking at all and no brain activity going on in those blank empty eyes staring at me, and say 'but if four is two, then who is one, and how many ones does it take to equal irrelevance and gibberish'. no, the solution is 'four', now shut the phuk up, don't question my answer until you have done your own phuking homework. this isn't idiocracy, try to evolve. don't try to prove me wrong, when you don't even know if i'm wrong. do your own phuking math, for once in your pointless phuking life. stop getting mad at me because you're too lazy to do your own phuking math. go back to skool, you phuking immature shytdart. you juvenile little phuking cuntwhiner. take your phuking child tantrum elsewhere. don't throw a fit because your calculator doesn't do what you want. live in reality. drink a glass of liquid lsd, and repeat that back to yourself, and in the meantime, stop phuking blaming me for being wrong when i'm not, you pathetik phuking assdouche. squeegee something, and you might realize, i was never wrong, you were. you moronik infantile buttphuk. wake the phuk up. be brave enuph to show your fellow comatards that waking up isn't so bad, it's nuthing to fear, and neither is taking some godphuking responsibility.

have god, will carry

alternate title: kill thy neighbor
(they might not be armed).

yeah, but thanks for advertising that to your fellow guntoting maniacs. as if some of you are good, and others aren't. i needed a good laff. if all guns were banned, i wouldn't have to worry about much, now would i.

why do guntoting christians exist. don't you think that would be an oxymoron of the worst kind. you know, 'love thy neighbor'. but kill anyone you don't like. they'll probly kill me just for pointing that out. they probly don't even know what 'oxymoron' means. they certainly don't know what 'hypocrite' means, but they sure get pissed off when you say it. any existence around theirs is constantly riddled with 'why, why, why'. and he who sees the answer... dies. hmm. i guess that's why they carry guns. shoot anyone who questions your sanity. shoot anyone who knows your secrets. shoot anyone who can poke holes in your lies. shoot anyone who dares speak the truth. shoot anyone who can sense your weak points. if you have a weak point, it's well hidden behind a gun. the bigger the gun, the better the camouflage. would that be ironik that they often wear camouflage. i think i'm conphuzing myself. too many riddles makes a sane man cry. too many answers makes the bullets fly. if only their god could draw a line that they wouldn't cross. is that another oxymoron, or a pun, or a coincidence, or a play on words. i'm definitely conphuzed now. when you try to phigure these idiots out... you stumble thru their web of lies, illusion, deceit, conphuzion, delusion, and any other evil usion and ism you can think of. hell, i'm sure they have a few we can't think of. how about this one. gymnophobia. and no, it's not fear of the gym. lord knows they like the gym. and they like to shower afterward. i'm lost. i'll tell you what it is. it's the obsession with forcing their fears onto us, while at the same time, denying that they have any fears. but it's ok to fear god, but it seems to the open eyed that they don't, cause they do his killing with pride. am i losing you yet. if you're conphuzed, take a deep breath, and dial nine one one. but there will be a christian on the other end. a guntoting christian with authority and loads of psychotik insanity. you cannot trust anyone. if you can phigure this out, if you can get this far, then you owe it to yourself to take a nap. don't worry, you'll be safe behind the doorlock that they made. this is like fight club, but it's reversed. they are everywhere. no matter where you live, the ghetto, or the rich suburbs, you can be sure that every one of your neighbors has a gun. and if you try to think about it, they will shoot you. they don't like when people point out the lies they're in denial of. or the contradictions in their beloved book. or the cracks in their hypocrisies, or the holes in their theories, or the fact that they demand facts from us about evolution, but they base nuthing of theirs on fact. wow, i just phelt a hurricane around my head. i'm dizzy, where am i. this isn't kansas anymore, toto. we're in 'where the phuk am i' territory. we're in 'what the phuk' land. this is where they live, and they proudly call this home, and that's called patriotism, something else that will really phuk up your high. dude, man, you're trippin'. if you're seeing colours, that's a good thing, just follow the light and watch your step. keep your head down, pick your nose, burp, fart, spit, cough, sniff, and those weird, fast thoughts will lead you back home. but now you have to ask yourself, which one of us is tripping. that's the conphuzing part. step away from the bible, it's the wrong book. put the gun down. there's no reason to shoot... ow, goddamnit, now i have a bulletwound. ow, goddamnit, ok, ok, i'll stop saying goddamnit, although, that is the logikal reaction when you get shot, is to ask god to damn something, but then again, logik is not your friend. i understand, we'll take this one step at a time. ok, baby steps, whatever. ok, ok, snail steps, whatever you want, can we just get to the christian hospital please where they can pronounce me dead... if they can pronounce the word 'dead' right. if you're in the bible belt, it's more like 'dee ed'. that sumbitch is dee ed, muthaphuka. d e e d, ed, that spells dead. y'all ain't from 'round here, are ya, boy. best gitchoself a gun so you wake up tomarruh. and no, the bible belt is not a belt you can hang yourself with. well, depending on how you look at it, but if you look at it with your eyes closed like they do, you should be just fine. we have some phuking scary places in this cuntry, and in most of them, guaranteed, somewhere, you'll see a cross. what that means, is if their lord and saviour can die in the wrong part of town, so can you. spit. if your mind can take this journey... actually, scratch that... if you've read this hole thing, you might want to be careful. when you step out that door in the morning, those people will look pretty damned different to you. and you'll look different to them, too. i mean the third eye ball on your forehead might give you away. they see that as a target, and they shoot anything out of the ordinary, cause the 'out of the ordinary' scares the shyt out of them. hell, anything that doesn't have a cross scares the shyt out of them. you fear them, they fear you, and you wonder why our freedom is based solely on fear. i was once pulled over by cops, because they thought i shot someone, turns out it was a gang member and not little metalhead me, but they have to be fearfully sure of everything, so i get out of the car, walk backward toward them, and my mother is watching this, and sees how their guns are shaking like there's an earthquake going on, while pointed at my head, they're pissing themselves thinking i could shoot them at any second, and i'm a peaceful hippie who hates guns, but actually, that scares the shyt out of them way more than if i had a gun. hell, if i pointed my gun at them, and they saw a cross around my neck, that would be just fine. homies and gangsters wear crosses, might i add. the only reason i would ever have a cross around my neck is if i was hanging myself with it just to make a statement. if they see a black homie with all red clothing, a shotgun, and a cross around his neck, they let him go. if they see long hair, they freak and their guns start shaking. but if you dared to use the word 'hypocrisy', and point your smelly breath in their direction, well, let's just say, they don't think very highly of you. you can interpret the word 'highly' any way you want. you are free to do so, in their land of freedom and tolerance, just as long as you do what they want you to do. you have the freedom to be a slave that they won't tolerate. unless of course, you wear a cross. conphuzed yet. good, then my job here is done. take two of these and call me in the morning. and don't question what 'these' are. just know that if you see a black guy named morpheus, you're on the right track. but if you see a white rabbit on acid, you've gone too far. stop at the gun store slash liquor store slash church supply and demand center slash cemetery slash evidence storage and disposal slash lawyer waitingroom and all in one hunting shop, and take a left. you can get lost in that part of town, cause it was designed by a christian, obviously. he was armed to the teeth, but unfortunately, not the brain. tune in for tomarruh's 'dumb as a blogpost' discussion, titled 'dimethyltryptamine dreaming: everyone does hallucinogens whether they admit it or not'. happy tripping!

or, should i say, happy hunting.
pro peace, pro logik, anti YOU!

we now return you to 'shoot thy neighbor', starring president arnold schwarzenegger and vice president pat robertson.

naked world

if we're going to start acting mature as a responsible adult human race, then we need to get over our senseless and paranoid inhibitions and fears of language and nudity. start putting more of that good shyt in our movies, and make the greedy movie industry earn their money. if seeing nudity really scares that many people, then too many of us are out of our phuking minds and need to grow the phuk up. if seeing a naked body turns you into a gymnophobik pussy, then you need to seek help. and not help that tells you what you want to hear, and babies you and holds your hand while you cry about those evil people, and enables you, and allows you to stay the way you are, but rather help that smacks you upside your temple of logik to wake up any common sense you might have in you, and evolves you forward into a more logikal, mature frame of mind where you can handle that shyt like an adult. where you can see that there's nuthing wrong with it, and the fact that you had such a reasonless and irrelevant fear of it, meant that a: that's your problem, not ours, and b: you were damaging society more than we were by being that mentally ill. we should not be punished, oppressed, and inhibited because of your fears. (now the hard naked truth part that's going to hurt). we should be proud of our bodies, because we're not as ugly as you are. the uglier you are on the inside, the uglier you are on the outside. a saggy, hateful old lady is jealous of us, so she condemns us for not having her fears and inhibitions. if you really pheel ugly, enuph to be jealous of us, then you really are ugly. if no one finds a negative old bitch like you attractive anymore, that's not our fault. stop fighting age and grasping and clutching onto your cuntrol, and instead, age gracefully and proudly, like humanity used to do, and find something more productive to do, instead of destructive. get over it, you'll pheel better, and maybe even look better. we used to be capable of logik and maturity, and handling the truth. now we fear reality. we turned into a bunch of whiny little pussies that can't handle anything, and are in denial of everything. we blame everyone else for our problems, and inflict our illness onto them, but at the same time, we deny that anything is wrong. we're so drugged up and numbed up on pills, that the slightest thing happens, and we freak out and panik, and think the world is ending. we see a naked person, or hear the word 'phuk', and we have a heart attack, and have to take pills to get back to normal. that's not normal. to overcome this psychosis of laziness and fear, we need to take responsibility for ourselves. stop taking your numb drugs, take your clothes off, and have some phun. pheel life come back into you. pheel fear fade away. enjoy world nudity day.

against

in xmen first class, shaw said 'if you are not with us, then, by definition, you are against us'. which is basikally what the government said. it's this smallmindedness and closedmindedness that puts us peaceful people in danger. those who don't choose a side, or are by themselves. forcing us to choose one of only two evil sides only worsens things. the lesser of two evils is a dumb perception to have. 'if you are not with us, then, by definition, you are against us'. by definition? who's definition? someone who doesn't know the real definition? someone who's mind is limited by one side or the other. someone's who's eternally blind to a third option. well, phuk that. i'm redefining it. there are more options than 'us and them'. because 'us' is the evil liars, and 'them' are the idiots who go along with the scam. don't pick either one of their 'sides'. choose your own side. make your own option. don't do what they tell you, do whatever the phuk you want. don't believe what they want you to believe, because it's all a lie. 'with us or against us'. if those are the only two options of how they want to perceive you, that's their problem, not yours. choose your own side. be yourself, make your own choices, on evolution's side. because the winds of evolution are about to blow them all over. you can be blown down with them, or you can stand on your own, and maybe, keep standing. it's up to you. not them. don't let them force you to be against yourself. don't give them the pleasure of picking from their left or right hand.

be the third option.

(boy/girl. black/white. right/wrong. phuk that. i am the third option).

even more on greed

one of these days i'll put all these rants together into one big huge rant. these are just bits i've written here and there, and i'm finding some and posting them here and there. joy.

if you're so concerned with downloading and people getting shyt for free, if you want to say shyt about me downloading and getting shyt for free, then what about all these poems i'm not getting paid for. if you're so concerned with that, then why not make it easier for real artists to get published. it's one of the ideals this cuntry was founded on, was freedom, which includes us getting something for free, because that's what we've all worked for and given our lives and wallets for, our blood sweat and tears. and the fact that greedy people have taken over and are ripping us off everyday, and taking our freedoms away that we've worked so hard for, and given our lives so that they could be in charge, the fact that those scumbags are in charge means that we should get everything for free so that they lose power, cause that's not what this cuntry was founded on. if you want to sue me for downloading crappy muzik for free that i would never pay for, then i should have some money coming my way for all these writings of mine that i put so much effort into, and don't see a dime or a crime for, let alone anyone reading them. the wrong rockstars are famous. our rockstars should care about muzik and care about the fans, not money. we can blame the record companies and we can blame ourselves for bringing greed into the muzik industry. that's when quality muzik went out the window. now we pay twenty nonrefundable dollars of our hard earned money for a piece of plastik crap that's so horrible, the band should be paying us to listen to it. have we forgotten the value of good muzik. have our rockstars forgotten why they're here. now we just buy whatever crap is presented infront of us, and don't care about sustenance. when's the last time anyone cried to a song, because it saved their life. not even the good bands make good muzik anymore. it's just cheap plastik three minute commercial crap that only fills up the piece of plastik crap disk it's on half way, and provides no intellectual or emotional sustenance whatsoever, and sure as phuk won't save your life. and it's all because we paid the wrong rockstars too much money, and they used our money to take cuntrol and phuk us all over. it's time to phuk them back. we should steal their cd from the record store full of posers and whiners, and shove it directly back up their greedy ass, sticker and all. tape a copyright symbol to a brick and throw that thru their airplane window. if they try to throw it back, you can sue them for infringement. this phuking muzik industry has gone phuking mad. the fans are in comas, and the rockstars are running around like chickens with their heads cut off, because they have no souls cause they souled out. we could take the muzik industry back, but just like a revolution, that would require us getting off our ass. it should be easier for real artists to get published. but as it is now, we just kiss the asses of the rich, and piss on whoever's not.

it's unknown to us how people get famous, it's a magikal mystery we don't care to know, we leave that responsibility up to the pros, cause they know what they're doing, and all we worry about is who is famous and don't worry about who isn't. we just sit back and watch, while they dazzle us with a little sparkly song and dance. they put on a little show, and we're too lazy to look behind the curtain. to see what's being chosen for us.

oh, look at that, she's up there on stage, doing a cute little dance, putting on a little show, sucking that corporate cock, right there on stage, isn't that fantastik. you almost can't see the strings, that's incredible. they really worked hard on this illusion. there's no wonder why she's so successful, look at that throat work. robots on stage for a robot audience. how cute. let's toss a dollar at them.

how come she's only on stage for as long as the bosses keep girlfriends.

(...as long as they keep breeding to our muzik...)
(...whenever a new hole comes along...)
(...use it up, and throw away the wrapper...)
(...move on to the next one, while she's still fresh...)
(...fifteen minutes, cause that's only as long as we're interested...)
(...those soulless girls actually have four holes to penetrate...)
(...that's three minutes and fortyfive seconds per hole...)
(...not only do we get their souls and tears, but we can phuk what's left...)
(...that soul hole is the best one, it's cool and tender...)

little zombies on stage for a zombie audience. how adorable.
little puppets doing the string dance on stage in a mental home.

phuk creative spelling

i once explained this to someone, and they couldn't wait to tell me how lame it was, while they were misspelling half their shyt, not making any sense, and sounding like a turd with a huge ego, but i started spelling 'phuk' back in the chatroom days, because chatrooms started blocking certain words, like 'fuck', so i started spelling it my way. but then i realized there was some phonetik logik to it. the 'f' is the soft sound of a 'p', hence the 'p' and the 'h' together, which makes more sense to me than the 'f'. and the 'c' and the 'k' both make the same sound, so it's redundant to have both letters together, so i like 'phuk', it looks better to me, and makes more sense, plus, it's 'different' and 'out of the ordinary', which is who i am, how i look, and everything i do is not only 'abnormal', but completely alien, so why not make up my own phukin' words. i actually want to create my own language, and/or evolve the english language to a much more logikal and simple and beautiful language, because as the english language is right now, it's very illogikal, but it's also one of the easiest. therefore, the easiest to evolve. for me, anyway. i don't know any other languages, so english it is. and i'm so good with this language, why the phuk not. why conphuze myself with more alternate words with the same meaning. english is a melting pot of all other languages anyway, so keep it simple. you can still sound 'multicultural', and 'intelligent', and say whatever the phuk you want. people are retarded, they'll listen. as long as you can acquire their attention and keep it away from the shiny cellphone distractions and buttery popcorn for more than two seconds.

define logik

why are even the intelligent websites losing intelligence. i look up a word on thesaurus.com, and it gives me a shytload of junk words, except the one i'm looking for. it's been doing that for several months now. what the phuk is going on. i was looking for the word compromise, but couldn't think of it, so i searched for 'give up'. i ended up searching for about twenty different words that should have taken me straight to the word 'compromise', but none of them did. so when i finally thought of the word compromise, and forgot the rest of my thought i was writing while doing so, i went ahead and looked up compromise on thesaurus, just to see what words it would give me. i was thinking would give me all the previous twenty words i had searched for, cause they're basikally the same phuking word. we need to evolve this language, but that's beside the point. you know what words it gave me, instead of all the words that are actually related to the word compromise, i.e. the twenty words i searched for... these are the words under compromise on thesaurus.com. accommodation, accord, adjustment, arrangement, bargain, compact, composition, concession, contract, copout, covenant, deal, fiftyfifty, half and half (these last two aren't even real words you can look up, they're putting verbal filler in a dictionary site), half measure, happy medium, mean, middle course (whatever the phuk that means), middle ground, pact, sellout, settlement, trade off, understanding, winwin situation. first of all, do any of those words have anything to do with the word compromise. secondly, i looked up the word settle, and didn't get 'compromise', but here is listed the word 'settlement'... isn't that the same phuking thing, shouldn't compromise have come up under the search for settle. what the phuk is going on here. dictionary.com, the official online source for definition, doesn't know the right phuking words, when did this happen. here are some of the other words i searched for, trying to find compromise (going in reverse order, i.e. hitting the back button, so they'll get better toward the end of this rant). succumb, relinquish, concede, surrender, give up, settle. don't those words have alot more to do with 'compromise' than phuking 'contract' and 'covenant'. this is just one more clue, one more piece of evidence for those of you paying attention. they're making it harder for us to do our research and educate ourselves as to what's going on, by hiding all the relevant shyt, or making it harder to find, or simply just taking it offline. i searched for something a few months ago, and it just doesn't exist online. it was a really simple question that should have an answer, and it's not there. the other day, i was searching for an error message i was getting with rainlendar, and couldn't find the answer. don't you think, if the programmer had written the text for the error message to pop up on my screen, they might have put the phuking answer to it on their phuking site. but i always get the weird alien problems that never have any answers. i live in a vortex where the weirdest shyt happens, and there's never any fix. i also wish i wasn't the smartest computer person i knew, but sadly, i am. when people i know have a problem, i go and fix it. when i have a problem, an extremely weird problem, i'm phuked.

parental cuntrol

if the parents can't raise their children right, you shouldn't smack the kids, you should smack the parents. we've had at least three generations of undisciplined children now. thanks to the trifecta of hypocrisy; the government, religion, and the media, and we're not allowed to discipline our children anymore. we have those undisciplined children raising their own children now. and it's going to keep getting worse until we start beating the shyt out of these idiot parents. thinking we have to do everything right (which is the wrong way, and is wrong in itself). we can't eat animals, we can't use gas, we have to teach prayer in skool. phuk that shyt, if i had any of that, i would be just as retarded as you. all these pussy parents need to sit in an elementary skool classroom and watch christopher titus until their noses bleed. if i was raising my kids, instead of this idiot world, my kids would be the smartest mutherphukers this world would ever see. they would kick ass, work hard, accomplish something big, instead of being on welfare and breeding more idiots into this stupid world. they wouldn't earn college degrees, they would invent new college degrees. they would redefine education. don't brag about ignorance and laziness and mediocrity with your stupid bumperstickers. i have a bumpersticker that says 'my children are einstein and freud compared to your idiot children that you refuse to discipline'. and if any idiot psychologist tries to tell you that you have delusions of grandeur, you can tell him 'phuk that, you have delusions of mediocrity, and you're just jealous that i can think of something bigger'. then you kick him in the nuts, tell him the reverend sent you, and walk the phuk out. don't put up with their rules anymore, their rules have proven time and time again to be insufficient and illogikal and weak. don't just break their rules, prove them to be completely irrelevant, and invent new ones. rules that they now have to play by. and i'm sure some of you weakminded pussy parents will think 'well, maybe it's a good thing he doesn't have his children'. phuk you. if i had my children, the human race would have grown wings by now.