carnal carnival

i just can't seem to find anything high enuph on this planet. anything full enuph. anything extreme enuph. 3volved enuph. life's eazy and you think you know everything, then your life gets shifted around, and you grow up in the middle of it, then suddenly you find yourself in a place where you don't know shyt. you don't have enuph of what everyone else haz, to keep your life running in their direction. going with their flow. you somehow end up floating upstream, beneath it all. life iz a carnival ride you never quite paid for, yet never quite get off. a roller coaster of inz and outs, rather than ups and downz. i can never go high enuph. i want a better carnival. a carnal carnival. i want to think, and see a carnival of carnal colourz cum out of my head and spew onto a wall in the form of what i'm thinking. iz that too much to wish? am i a dreamer? am i the only one? pleaze tell me i'm not alone on that one. if bill hicks were alive, he'd be with me on that one. come on, i support hiz 'terminally ill stunt people' idea. i don't know why i keep searching for something that i've never found, while theze weedz get deeper az i turn around, and time growz older and i've grown colder, so long haz passed that i forgot to count. and theze weedz have grown where the sun once shown, and i can pheel it, this space between us. what iz it about pain that makes life seem so real. we've come this far, we've invented computerz and internet, and the best we can do with our time iz make popup adz. why can't i find anything high enuph. big enuph. i can only change so much in a certain environment, thingz around me need to start changing, or i need to start changing them. i don't know, maybe i just need some new mental stimulation. a new awakening after that Th3rd 3ye withering bullshyt. i've had all the brain damage i can handle in two months time, i've dealt with enuph stupid people, i've argued with enuph clozed mindz, dried up spongez, running around like zombiez with pill bottlez, trying to drug me and make me docile, and calling me paranoid. iz this a phuking cartoon? did god come from a cartoon or something? am i the only one laffing at what's going on here? a sea of mentally vacant, sitting, staring at the light out the window. the ocean of bright new digital sunrize. i pheel like i'm floating above this necroskool, with a big bubble 3ye popping up between my shoulderz, the only one awake. a monkey on a bike deliverz a telegram. 'you're the only one'. it's a skool room. i'm in a skool room, of an elementary skool, in phuking kanzas. what the phuk imagez iz my mind seeing man. and why iz no one else here. where did timothy leary go?