visibility prayer

this is the best i can explain... me. my life. this concrete reality we exist in constantly tells me, every day of my life, that i don't belong here. in so many painful ways. there's no sidewalk i can walk down where i'm not in someone's way. there's no corner of a room where i can stand where i'm not in someone's way. there's no moment i can talk when i'm not taking up someone else's time. and it's always some selfimportant douchebag who thinks he owns everything, and has the authority to push me around, and has the knowledge and life experience to have to teach me a lesson. i'm so sick of these pricks. but i constantly feel invisible. no one sees me, no one hears me, no one finds me valuable. those who do, say i'm too negative, too overwhelming, and they all disappear. i've been smelling scents, even with other senses, that have been giving me serious flashbacks to my childhood. i actually don't know what else i want to write today. i'm too sleepy, too hungy, and headed downtown for the free food. and i need to get out of this twisted little town as soon as possible. the weather here is evil. i'd like to get up to northern california. my brain isn't working.