back in san francisco

okay. finally getting some blogging time. i'm back in sf. i wanted to take advantage of at least the nude beach again while i'm here. and the better food at glide, possible free weed and smokes, easier to get than in berkeley, at least. i still need to figure out how to get in contact with my big brain people, and how to write a book and create my own religion. hopefully have someone helping with those. not sure what else i want to do in california, now my mind is set on illinois, but that's confusing me a little, from pursuing the open mic here in california, and shit like that. i wasn't quite ready to leave the west coast yet, cause this is where all the 'get famous' chances are. and i use that term lightly, cause i ain't in it for the fame or money. but san francisco did confuse the shit out of me, and took a few of my priorities away from me. and some inspiration and motivation. but i figure if i can give it another chance, and get some enjoyment out of the nude beach and all, and somehow try to get down to los angeles before i leave california, but i do need to get behind four warm walls of my own and a door i can lock, that is top priority, so says my body, so you can just shut up.

i'm trying to download music onto my phone, but it's not easy, and i'm running out of space. and it's not easy to find all my music, most of the torrents for them have gone dead, cause everyone already has those collections, so why keep them going, i get it. but it shouldn't be this hard to track down a strapping young lad torrent that will actually download. other than that, i'm still rather confused, without a laptop at least to have my world around me, it's not easy to focus on what i wanted. i have a laptop on newegg.com that i really want, and it's fast enough and cheap enough, only about six hundred bucks, i sure wish i could find someone who's doing well enough that they could buy it for me. other than that, feathers might be sending me two oldish ones, which is fine, i can deal, as long as i can still skin them. i just need some digital me for my eyes. a little world of something mine.

and as i write this part, the song by nine inch nails is playing, called 'something i can never have'. i've always loved that tune. there's alot i thought i'd never have, and still do, but i'm still working to get it all. i hate when people use the terms 'fighting for' and 'dying for', cause i'd rather live for something, and actually live to see it. if you die for your children's future, how do you know they're enjoying it, they're probly miserable without you.

i also wanted to put in here, fragmented or not, a bunch of the music i'm still needing to download, since i can't remember when it comes time to download. i don't often get wifi, so i'm unprepared when i finally get wifi, and i freeze, thinking, oh, shit, what did i want to download, and i try to run through my collection in my head, and i keep thinking, already have that, already have that, and there are only so many bands i can think of anymore, i start listing off, disarmonia mundi, deftones, soilwork, in flames, sonic syndicate, mudvayne, and i can't think past most of those. i wish i could at least have some little picture of my collection and all the bands i like, so i could easily think, oh, yeah, i wanted to download blondie's cover of marilyn manson's the dope show, and then i go to download it, and the file won't download cause no one has that fuckin' song! you fucks!

so if anyone can find some of these songs, or albums, or discographies, and help some of those songs get onto my phone somehow, whether by email or google drive, or something, would sure be fucking wonderful.

and i'm even going to try and keep it listed by heaviness. my music folders on my computer should look like this:

Comedy
Grungy
Light Metal
Heavy Metal
Mellow
Older
Oldest
Tunage

mostly what i'm trying to fill up right now, is grungy and the metals, and some mellow and oldies, but it's not working that well.

in the grungy folder, i have everything from alice in chains, a perfect circle, boy hits car, i mother earth, faith no more, godsmack, disturbed, deftones, tool, ashes divide, altered state, drowning pool, collective soul, mad season, temple of the dog, pearl jam, nirvana, soundgarden, stone temple pilots, white zombie, marilyn manson, nine inch nails, murderdolls, and i'm really trying to think of more. foster the people, florence + the machine, guns n' roses, incubus, coal chamber, jane's addiction, jerry cantrell, machines of loving grace, offspring, radiohead, rage against the machine, violent femmes... i'll keep trying to add to this. there's also alot saved in my facebook, if someone could help me piece that together into an actual list, i've been trying to do so for about a year now, and on library computers, it's fucking retarded and beyond restricted and close to impossible.

light metal is mostly gothic metal, things like that. after forever, the birthday massacre, delain, within temptation, lacuna coil, revamp, epica, theatre of tragedy, type o negative... i can't remember too many of those, but that kills me, cause there were some damn good artists in that folder. down, corrosion of conformity, guns n' roses, danzig... goddamnit. kill devil hill, life of agony, ozzy osbourne. tiamat.

heavy metal folder was fucking... a work of art. alphabetical heaviness. arkaea, chimaira, children of bodom, cradle of filth, disarmonia mundi, fear factory, devildriver, hellyeah, in flames, lamb of god, machine head, meshuggah, mudvayne, opeth, otep, pantera, raintime, soilwork, sonic syndicate, scar symmetry, testament, the agonist, vision of disorder. god, i wish i could remember more of these. where's all my fuckin' metal! in this moment.

anyway, so that's most of what i can think of today. my brain's been fairly thoughtless for the last week. berkeley really sucked. like literally sucked me dry, sucked the life out of me, sucked the thoughts out of my brain, i feel retarded, and can't think of anything. put some acid on my tongue, please.

but anyway, i figured i'd do without glide dinner tonight, just to get some good computer time in. spent a few hours here, it's easier to do in sf, the computers are restricted in just a different way, but i don't actually need to log on just to access the files on my phone, so i don't have to waste internet time dealing with phone files and music and shit, so that's nice.

i'm also really not wanting to go back up to haight, but i'll end up having to just to get some weed. but i'd like to stay around the nude beach as much as i can, and see if i can't meet some fetlife people at least.

when i first built my music collection, i had years to do so, and did a ton of research, and tracking down some of those bands wasn't easy. i used wikipedia, i looked up related bands, i also used last.fm, and looked up similar artists, which was a nice feature, they actually have some taste when it comes to certain metals, if you're looking for someone like theatre of tragedy, they will show you the bands most like theatre of tragedy, it's pretty cool. but not even just those, i mean some of the bands i just randomly heard of, like... shit, what was the one... i need to look this one up right quick, i can't remember what it was... shit, it's not on wikipedia, all i can remember, was the name of the album was something like 'the architects', or something like that, but it was a band i discovered when i was getting gas at a gas station once, and some car pulls by crankin' metal, and i asked him what it was, and it was some local band no one else would ever have heard of. i think it might have been released between 2006 and 2009, and the album cover was a tan/brown colour, like old paper. someone find that fucking album, and i'll give you a cookie.

anyway, i've got twenty minutes left, and no thoughts left, so i might as well call it a night.

try to imagine if you had sixty thousand children, and one day they all disappeared, and you had to remember each one. i had sixty thousand albums of some beautiful music that i truly loved. and i was proud to have shit you won't find on itunes. i had good music that you fucks don't even know about.

i like tootin' my own horn. sounds better than yours.

stay fuckin' metal.