arcata

i'm so lost. i don't know what to do or what to say. i'm sick of walking through these concrete wastelands of the human spirit, looking for my people, when they don't fucking exist. i'm sick of looking for hippies, they don't fucking like me, most of them are too violent or psychotic, which, in my opinion, aren't real hippies. hippies give free love and free weed, and should help people keep their bellies full better than christians and churches. what the fuck is wrong with this world.

where do i go. where do i find my people. how do i start my own religion to declare my separation from this monetary nightmare. if i can't find anyone to hear my voice, or give half a shit about me, where the fuck do i go, what the fuck do i do. i've tried everything short of joining mensa just to be understood, i'm wasting time walking through city after city of the same fucking thing. people with concrete in their hearts. where do i find my people. people who might actually care about me enough to make my life just a little easier.

all i see is apathy. people who can't spare a dollar, still trying to keep up with a dead dream, and in denial that it's over. still trying to suck something worthwhile out of it.

i've run out of words to ask people. what the fuck do i say. no one wants to hear it. i've been studying humanity for quite a while, and i see that i have no audience, no friends, no one who would give half a fuck about me. i can't find them online, or in cities, where the fuck are they. the people who want this money shit to be over with. where are they. i know they exist. i've written so many unread blogs trying to reach you fuckers, what hole are you hiding in. why won't you contact me.

i'm so lost in this town. arcata california, in humboldt county, and i can't find a single person to spare a nug, or a hug, or help feed me, there's no free meals in this fucking town, what the fuck am i doing here. being in san francisco wouldn't be any better, and seattle, not much better than that. where the fuck do i go. looking for free food, free weed, free cigarettes, getting fucked with my money every month, this dead end fucking road of constant nowhere. i can't get a lawyer, i can't figure out what the fuck to do. no one will help me, no one has a three digit iq that i can communicate with. what the fuck do i do. i'm so lost, so confused, and no one will help for shit. what the fuck is wrong with you people. i want you to know, i truly oppose all seven billion of you scumfucks, every single one of you, this is not how life should be and you're all lost in a fucking haze of idiocy. get the fuck out of it. videogames, meth, rap music, products, money, it's all a dead load of fuckin' horse shit! wash it off your fucking skin and try being a fucking human again!!!

what the fuck do i do!?

i want to start my own religion, where i draw the line between psychedelic and psychotic.
i want to design my own computer platform from the ground up, that gives people control over their own desktop environments, and takes that control away from microsoft and apple.
i want to make music that shows people how music should be made when it's not trying to get on a radio.
i want to make movies that describe in beautiful details how life should really be like on this planet.
i want to design my own clothing that show people you don't have to all look the same.
i want to design my own foods, so we can get away from mcdonald's and let it die.

are these ideas not good enough for anyone?

i want to build my own community of people who all just work for eachother, and do nothing but give and love.

is that not good enough.

what do i have to do to get your attention.

what part of my soul have i not sold to you, or just handed over.

all you do is take from me.

the only people who approach me are psychotic people who just want something.

i can't attract the eye of a single person i'd actually want to talk to.

no one loving, no one caring, no one who finds me the least bit interesting. and i think i'm pretty fucking interesting. but in all these cities, all i see are yuppie clones chasing dollars, and people getting fucked by the system and don't have enough money to live right, and people who have entirely given up on the system, but still won't break way from it to get closer to my voice.

you're all just as lost as i am, but less willing to do anything to change this world.

what do i have to do.

how many more blogs do i have to post before someone reads them and actually fucking responds to me, instead of just running away scared.

where are the brave people.
people who know what love is.
people who could give a fuck about money.
people who know how to live life right.
people who can help me start a religion for us.
people who...