they took my home

i have no thoughts.

if seattle really doesn't want me here, they should have the balls to push me out, rather than stealing my home just because it's not up to their standards.

or because their stupid childish laws can't keep up with my life...

or should i say my compromises to poverty.

that boot on my throat.

i hate my fuckin life. i hate this fuckin world.

i wish i could give washington state an ultimatum:

either tow my ass to canada by the end of this month...

i wish i could get a lawyer. sue the state.

randy blythe: if it doesn't matter how unfair we think the world is...

then why don't we all just kill ourselves and save the banks some bombs?

petty pampered jackass.

i can't get anyone's attention, i can't get anyone to care.

i feel horrible for having to lock my kitten in the backpack.

it hurt so much having to walk away from harvey last night.

my home on wheels that doesn't matter to anyone else.

i feel sick. i feel like puking. i feel like killing myself. i feel like robbing someone.

there's no one i can talk to. other than katie who's still in the hospital with pneumonia.

i slept by the burien post office last night. i fucking hate everyone i see.

wondering who's gonna kill me first, the cops, the rich, or the drug addicts.

youtoob doesn't soothe me anymore, my music doesn't soothe me anymore.

nothing satisfies me. there's no such thing as good news anymore.

if only we could slaughter the scumfucks who keep giving us bad news.

if only anyone cared enough.

i keep trying to search youtoob for shit... like 'poverty lawsuit'...

all that brings up is some asshole suing some poverty group for being an antihategroup hategroup and having nothing whatsoever to do with poverty...

how helpful that is, right?

i fucking hate everyone.

there is no one i can ask for help.

for all i know, my rv was impounded this morning. i couldn't even sleep in it last night, it didn't feel like home, it felt like the nice cop was just saying 'get the fuck outta your home'. no matter how nice he said it or worded it, that's how it sounded to me. time to go. fuck yourself.

i feel sick. i feel insane. i feel crushed. almost lost the kitten today in a bush. lost half her food.

i wish i could call my mother for help out of this nightmare.

but i've called everyone i know.

i wish i could sue saint vincent de paul, and publicly call them out as frauds. i wish i could destroy all the socalled 'resources' one by mutherfuckin one, and replace them with people who actually care.

my neck, back, and stomach are... agony.

i tried calling and texting mason. i've called everyone else.

missed my therapy today. no way i could have gone.

i feel so sick. so weak. so crushed. so insane. so unwanted. discarded.

i keep asking people for help, all they ever say is 'i don't know what to do'. seriously?

how about being a human for one fuckin day and pulling another human out of the fucking quicksand, instead of regurgitating your uselessly strict rules and restrictions that only serve to keep the poor poor, the excuses that keep the poor under your boot, they are frauds, why can we not point that out and have something done about it?

why can't we, as a country, save ourselves from this turdcircus of apathy, paranoia, and blame?

is that really so impossible?

i keep wanting to call canada, ask the prime minister, can you come rescue us?

washington state can't afford to eject me, canada can't afford to adopt me...

no one can afford to do fucking anything.

so...

why the fuck are we still here?

especially if no one knows what to do about anything.

because no one cares enough. apathy reigns.

apathy owns your credit card. apathy owns your balls, your boss, your god.

and the only excuse for why you can't be a human is because of your boss and you know it.

but there's apparently nothing i can do to pull myself out of this hole.

when the overprivileged want to stomp you, they are entitled.

because that boot just needs to be on your throat. i'm sure there's a good reason.

kitten's in the backpack, i can't see katie today, can't go home...

can't use a restroom, can't eat, can't sleep, can't think, can't write...

and no one will give a fuck. no matter what.

i fucking want to die.

'this world does not want me, this world does not care'
'and i'm a product of this world, confused, i'd say that's fair'.

let's look at the facts we know.

if this world truly does not want me, doesn't deserve me, and is incapable of benefiting from anything i could offer, and thinks i have nothing to offer...

if it's this difficult to get an rv fixed, running, legal, and somewhere safe...

if i wasted all that effort and money getting the tags, getting this close...

if i'm just not allowed to have a life because it might take up someone else's space...

if my home is a crime just because it's not a duplicate of your home...

if your walls of paranoia and fear are so much better than my windows...

if your hatred of me is justified, and my hatred of you is justified, but we're not supposed to hate eachother, and no one is supposed to hate anyone, but we all hate eachother...

if we've been successfully divided and conquered by the biggest moron...

what does that say about us? about our holier than thou life?

what does that say about our audacity, our blatant disregard for life outside our own...

don't you wish someone would just get their head out their ass and care?

drop all the policies and rules and restrictions and just give a human shit...

...

but i had to leave my rv last night. it fucking hurt.

i've got a kitten in a backpack, in a cart...

and i feel like killing myself.

this world does not deserve me.

washington doesn't have the balls to tow me anywhere else, nor can they afford to.

so much useless money on this planet, no one has any, but for some stupid reason, we just can't fuckin get around to boycotting it. god, we're so mature and so awesome.

neil degrasse tyson won't help me.
andrew yang won't help us.
saint vincent de paul won't help us.
facing homelessless won't help us.
saint francis of asisi won't help us.
reach won't help us.
operation nightwatch won't help us.
operation sack lunch won't help us.
seattle area support groups won't help us.
sound mental health won't help us.
the crisis team won't help us.
two one one won't help us.
bill maher won't help us.
bill and melinda gates won't help us.
catholic charities won't help us.
cops certainly won't help us.
doctors certainly won't help for shit, they don't even know how, all they have are pills and needles.

all my heroes won't help.
all the socalled 'resources' won't help for shit.
the city itself won't help for shit.
humans and compassionate people won't help for shit.
i can't get donations no matter where i share my shit.
mason won't help us.
joe carolus won't help us.
greg martin won't help us.
ben curtis won't help us.
beverley graham won't help us.
no church will help us.
transform burien won't help us.

still thinking we haven't asked all these places? how else would we know about so many?

blaine center won't help us.

the law is not on our side.
politicians aren't on our side.
humanity is barely capable of being on our side. they're too satiated, docile, content, spoiled, pampered, paranoid.

the only thing we know is poverty. that boot on the throat.

what the fuck is the point. to any of this shit. does anyone know? does anyone care?

if there's no point to this shit, why do we keep doing it?
if there is a point to this shit... why doesn't anyone but the rich seem to know?

and what the fuck is wrong with you that you can't make a donation to save a life in your own fucking country?

i am so ashamed to be in this country, to be part of this... overcooked noodle species.

so proud in their ignorance, so dumb in their consumption, so misguided...

do you hear me?

i'm ashamed to be on the same planet with you.

whatever living creature you resemble.

does that mean nothing to you?

i'm ashamed to be the same thing that you are.

i see you living your life, getting to enjoy your happiness.

driving your stupid sports car down the street with the booming.

how must it feel, to be such a clone, such a duplicate, that you have to listen to the same thing that everyone else fucking listens to?

cause i can't fuckin stand it.

why the fuck didn't metal, and talent, and intellect get more popular in the last three decades?

why aren't psychedelic drugs legal, and why aren't psychotic drugs obliterated?

why are we so proud of being so limp?

how much more can you restrict everything?
how much worse does this nightmare of your creation have to get?

and... what if anyone could do better than this?

are you afraid to let them try?

why do i feel like i could track your fear through a dark mansion?

why do i feel like i could beat trump in a spelling bee or an iq test, or even a psychological evaluation, and why the fuck does no one give half a genuine human lemontaint fuck about that?

what the fuck is the point of all this shit?

what the fuck is the point of your corruption?
what the fuck is the point of the control?

do you think we're your antfarm? or your children's nursery?

what the fuck is the point of all the restrictions?

do you honestly think we're not even mature enough to shop without your advice?

...

i dream of a world without advertisements, bad drugs, religion, money...

but all the naysayers and disbelievers in this society can say...

skeptics... debunkers... fuckin... you could tell these imbeciles that an ice cube would melt while watching it melt, and this dumb cunts would still be unconvinced of anything defining reality.

but they can imagine their own little delusion world, can't they?

and if we do the same, we're wrong, well shit.

spoiled, tantrum throwing fuckin children... that's all they are...

and why the fuck am i witnessing this, why do i have to see this?

ask physics, ask gods, as aliens, ask anyone you want, i'll bet you a billion dollars they won't have a satisfactory answer.

i'll bet you a billion dollars you won't help me.

i could bet anyone a billion dollars for anything, no one is there to hear it.
let alone brave enough to take the fuckin bet.

i feel like i've been saying nothing but this for ten years now.

and it's gotten me nowhere.

kitten's clawing in the backpack. it's so cold outside.

i really should have brought a beanie and an extra sweater.

this is as public as i can afford to get right now, but...

as public as this isn't... as unseen as this will remain...

saint vincent de paul?

i'm calling you out. right here, right now, you're frauds. you belong in jail.

either help me, or kill yourselves.

leave this world to those who need to heal.

no one knows what's right anymore, and everything is wrong, so...

why the fuck do we still make play that there's a right and wrong?

does anyone truly care that much, or do we just say that on primetime?

for the extra paycheck.

oh, and continuing the list still...

bill engvall won't help us.
bill burr won't help us.
robb flynn won't help us.
otep shamaya won't help us.
fight poverty won't helps us. (if that's even a thing).

they all just feed us excuses, the word 'no', the word 'can't'...

i feel like all this life is, all this exercise in poverty and agony...

is a sesame street show. to teach us about corruption.

and every show is brought to you by the words 'no' and 'can't'.

find every word you can, throw dictionaries and thesauruses around.

it'll make no fuckin difference in the war against those two words.

i want to sue saint vincent de paul. i want them out of business.

yeah, you're really doing a lot of good you know...

the drug addicts are off the streets, crime is down, trump is jailed, abundance is up...

praise the lowered.

who the fuck else can i email or call and ask for help?

who can i sue?

...

i fucking want to die.
i hate your world.
i know i could do better.
your boots suck.
your restrictions are childish.

and your world hates poor people. so why not just own it?

why be such a coward that this shit has to keep going?

i'm ashamed to be on this planet.
i know there are better planets out there, better species.

when are the rich going to die?
when will anyone ask that with me?
when the fuck will you lose all addictions and excuses?
when the fuck will you grow the fuck up?

but no, i'm still being called 'bro' and 'nigga' and being asked for smokes constantly.

as if my appearance is so inviting to complete imbeciles, all of whom are male.

god, this world desperately needs a fuckin clue.

how soon can we get ourselves to the canadian woods?
how soon can we stop relying on free meals? library wifi?

and give me a billion dollars.
if what i do with it isn't as good as what you did with it...
eat me.

but if what i do with it is better than what you did with it...

...

i fuckin win, don't i.

what's the matter, coward. afraid to lose?

i declare you all scams, until you can prove me wrong.

seattle has no compassion. just tyranny.

don't just bitch, whine, complain, and argue. like a child.

prove me fucking wrong.

or you can fuck yourself the fuck outta my fuckin way.

have a nice day.