learn to listen

i fucking hate people! i fucking hate people! you all fucking disgust me! i cannot stand this shit anymore! i fucking hate you! all of you!

i was just in the first congregational church in bellevue. i've been staying in their shelter. i like the numbers in their locations. the shelter is on twelve and one twenty, and the church is on eight and one oh eight. the library is on ten and one ten. so it's a diagonal shot thru the town for my morning. here's how it gets slaughtered by people, and having to follow their clusterclogging fucking rules. i puke at your structure.

i was trying to talk to the guy in the church. they have this stupid rule, which i'm sure is only in place to make the rich feel that much more elite, and make the hierarchy of price tags shine brighter every morning. you fucking sicken me. every time i go in there, they keep asking me about who my eastside connection is. i tried telling the guy several times now, but he refuses to listen. they all refuse. they don't care about people's names, they just want a number and an address, which... you know, doesn't that defeat the whole 'privacy' thing we're all so obsessive over? but i keep trying to tell them that i won't know anything till i get my phone fixed. so i tried explaining that to the guy this morning. i was just trying to tell them a few names to get him off my ass. i couldn't even get to the names before he interrupted me. they don't care what you have to say. it's not relevant to them. they don't get paid enuph to listen to you. but i set it up by saying that i've tried telling you several times, and every time i get cut off, and it triggers my ptsd, so could i please say something in private without other people interrupting, and could i please finish what i need to say, because i need to get it out of my head, or i'm fucked for the day. i told the guy that. he said as carelessly as possible, 'sure', and then steps over toward the laundry. yeah, real fuckin' private, i get to stand cramped in a little corner talking over a loud washing machine. thanks. but i started trying to tell him that i won't know anything till i get my phone fixed, but that i can tell you the names. he interrupted me before i got to say the names, saying 'i don't need to know'. thanks for letting me finish, asshole.

he goes on to explain, through a series of hieroglyphic technicalities, that the connection i need is someone who i've lived with, who can give me a home on the eastside... now, wait a minute. first of all, this idiot, i swear he spit about fifty technicalities out of his mouth in about two sentences. i need to decipher the logic behind this little claim he said. you want me to already know someone with a house on the east side... okay... so if they could end my homelessness... why the fuck do i need you. what do you plan to do to help, open their door for me? if i already have someone i know who has a house, why the fuck would i need you idiots and your homeless shelter, and useless fucking rules. but i swear the way he explained it, it's specifically designed to be as impenetrable as possible, it was this quick, three sentence little weaving of impossibilities to have to break thru... what the fuck is wrong with people. why can't you speak english, instead of this verbal puke clusterfuck of red tape legal bullshit. the structure is made to make you stand under it. i do not support your structure. it's a theory i formed many years ago. you don't know me, son. you think you do, but you're wrong. it's my pyramid theory. when the bottom of the pyramid no longer supports the tiny little top... the top falls. it's as simple as that, you don't need to complicate it with your 'but we still have authority and laws and you have to obey our rules' shut the fuck up, we've heard it all, and we're no longer listening.

there's a contradiction that you fail to see. there's a dichotomy of heads here, and no one's paying any attention, but i see it affecting my life and my eyes every day. this is the contradiction in simple terms, right here, right now. in your world built on money and concrete, i can't afford to get in your golden door. but in my world where knowledge is currency... you already can't afford to listen to me. i see that as a sign that i'm winning. your jargon is becoming less relevant, and less understandable. we do not sympathize anymore, we do not compromize anymore, we do not hear your lies anymore, and you have to realize that, you have to understand that, you have to come to terms with that, because it is not our fault anymore, you cannot blame us, we are not your scapegoats under your control with your chains of rules and regulations, we do not fit into your mold anymore, when the fuck are you going to learn this, when can you afford to see us growing out of your control. will it be too late.

that being said, and understood, i hope; he was trying to tell me that if i have an east side connection, that the homeless shelter can help me get set up and on my feet more and quicker and easier... i cannot even fucking remember half of the gibberish this fucker puked out at me. this clusterfucked little web of rules i couldn't see thru just standing there. he fucked my brain against my will. and these people do that every day. you don't realize, you do not understand that you're suffocating intellect with your ignorance, and the fact that your ignorance has authority. shut the fuck up and sit down, or i will start shooting people, i swear to christ.

so, going against the whole privacy thing, he doesn't want a name, and it can't be just a friend or an acquaintance, or someone who lives on the east side who said 'yeah, just come up to bellevue', no, it has to be someone with an address they can have, which defeats the whole privacy policy bullshit they're always shoving down my throat. i'm just not good enuph for your world, that's all there is to it, why can't you just fucking admit it. can't you afford to tell a truth? are you in that much debt from your lies? i know about being in debt with lies, i watched my drug addict uncle try to lie his way out of trouble, and when you'd catch him in the lie, he would just keep lying, perpetuating this grand story of aliens came and took my bag of weed, so i had to steal your car and sell it to get another bag of shut the fuck up, that's all you are is lies, there's nothing true about you. relax, you're just my delusion. the sooner you all realize that, the sooner we can evolve.

now, still trying to fragment piece together and decipher what the fuck was just raped into my ear hole. what it sounded like to me, was that they want an address of someone in bellevue, so they can kick you into that person's house, and claim that they helped you overcome homelessness. and that's what sickens me about this bullshit. the whole fucking picture of homelessness sickens me. the fact that some people aren't good enuph for your world because they can't pay to pay you enuph to pay you more, they don't kiss your ass enuph to make your throne cushy enuph to make the dollars fall out of your pocket faster, you, the owner of all dollars. i plan to end you. i'm the man you're waiting for. i'm sick of this shit, and it's time to start playing by my rules. if you violate my rules, you die. that's how a conqueror would do it.

i've been saying for years, you're all fuckin' with the wrong guy, but it's been at least four years, and no one has listened, no one has stopped, no one has apologized, you all just keep shoving your rules up my ass and expecting me to like it. fuck you. that ends today. i'm sick of this procrastination, getting stuck in the constant, never ending cycle of tomorrow, tomorrow, that has to be done tomorrow, that has to wait for tomorrow cause we can't do it today, cause today got fucked with walking thru streets for miles with no help from the six billion pricks on this planet... i'm tired of that shit. why do we keep waiting for tomorrow, but talking about today. i say we make today happen... today. we stop waiting. i'm sick of waiting. no more waiting for tomorrow. today is today. it's a monday, let's see how much i can accomplish today, and how high above the heads of these rule infested assholes i can soar. i swear to christ, i will do it. and you cannot stop me, because i know your wall of paper rules, i know its limitations, i know where it's already cracked, and i know exactly where it can break. i'll tell you again, you're fucking with the wrong man.

it really sounded like what this mutherfucker said, was that i need to take care of this whole homeless situation myself. i need to already have a house to live in, i need to give them my address, and pay them a bunch of money, and then open my own door, get my own furniture in there, and then thank them while they're fucking me in my ass, while i'm trying to close my door, as they take all the credit for raping me into my own apartment, but it's still not good enuph to be a house, so as soon as i close my door, i owe them more money, and oh, i closed my door on his dick, so now they need to confiscate my door and charge me more money, and hey, why not take a donut with you while you're at it, i hope it reminds you off my asshole, i'll wrap a bow around it and send a gift card to your mother.

they don't want to listen to you. they don't get paid enuph to hear you. you have to do their job for them, but abide by their rules while doing so... can someone tell me, why are those people there. why do they exist. why are they taking up space in that building. why, what is the purpose of them being there. what are they doing to fix the problem. they're just complicating a situation that doesn't need to be this complex. there are empty houses on this planet. there are people without houses. seems like a simple equation to me. i don't see any dollars or money or rules or security guards or addresses or papers or forms or sign here or signs signs everywhere a sign sign, i see none of that shit when looking from this side of homelessness with open eyes, i don't even see you. but you're standing in my way, and declaring your right to do so because the cop behind you has a badge that i could give a labia licking fuck about. you'll never understand this, and it's for that reason, that the future just does not need you. simple as that. if you keep interrupting me, and destroying my thoughts and sanity, and triggering my ptsd with your disastrous communication skills, brutally verbally slaughtering me because you can't afford to listen and don't have the time, and raping your rules up my ass to where i can't breathe, all while i'm doing your job for you, i'm gonna stop listening. and i might start shooting. i warned you. several fucking times, for several years, i warned you. but when you take me to fail jail, you'll claim that you never heard me, and that it's my fault. no, it's the dollar's fault. the dollar in your pocket. it built a world of hierarchy that wouldn't let me penetrate it, so i had to destroy it. i'm sorry, but it was time. too many people were suffocating under your reign. your ass got too fat, and you broke the throne. you can whine about it, or you can fuck off and die, and we'll read about you in history class.

so let me get this straight. you want me to find someone who has a house in bellevue. you want me to get their address and give it to you. even a dog would wonder why at this point. then, you want me to thank you for making it impossible to get into that house, while trying to get into the house, and then you want me to thank you for your help. i'd like to get a lawyer and have him look over this gibberish fuckin' red tape jargon, and tell me if i have a good enuph translation of the message. and then, i want to have a psychologist look over the whole thing, and tell me if i'm completely insane, or if you're just my delusions. and not just any psychologist, but my hero psycho the butt rapist doctor bupp. spit that out in as many alphabet soup letters as you want. do it in random order, i don't give a fuck. put pink sprinkles all over it, maybe you'll feel better.

but meanwhile, i'm homeless, and being tramped thru your fucking rules, trekking thru the streets everyday, doing your job for you, walking, making phone calls when i don't have a phone, taking buses i can't afford to take, getting looks from people that my stomach can't digest, freezing my ass off, in more pain than i can cry about, jumping thru your hoops, wasting day after day after day after day, and i'm not allowed to ask why, i'm just allowed to wipe my chin and thank you afterward. that's no freedom i ever paid for. that's not what i gave up my children for. no, see, you all start playing by my rules today, or you die tomorrow, and i fuck your future as it's coming out your mother's ass, as she turns into the headstone of your ancestors, just because i held down the down key on super mario three and turned into a stone while you ignorantly passed by. i plan to shove my head right up the back door of the monetary media system, where they least expect the guy they've been waiting for, doing this whole stage show for, which really paints a clear picture of what idiots are running this circus side show... but that's it. i don't need to complicate shit by using meaningless words out of order like you fucks. i'm coming in your back door, i'm injecting my message into the power cord behind the television, i'm shoving my head right up your ass until you explode, and that, my students, is how a mushroom is born! class dismissed, go fuck yourselves till you learn something.

but anyway, the dude refused to listen, so i just walked out the door, and i figure bellevue is now just as fucked off the list as seattle. i'm running out of cities where morons don't exist. and the more i do so, the more my third eye is clarifying the image it sees of utopia. it's coming. if i have to carve it out of my own fucking heart, it's coming. i refuse to let it pass one more day. you can bitch, or you can fuckin' die. i don't care. rich greedy fucking pricks, selfish assholes... i had a picture on my old facebook that said 'republicans are people too... mean selfish greedy people'. okay, so fuck the democrats, where are the anarchists that are brave enuph to get their hands dirty to build a new city. email me. i'm tired of wasting time. clock's ticking.