the last of my sanity

i haven't been able to get my phone to charge for the last several days. so, last night, after the eight pm dinner under the bridge, which was spaghetti, by the way. that will come into play later. i sat in my tent for a while, wishing i could hear my music. it was about forty degrees last night, keep that in mind, too. so i sat up, smoked a cigarette, and looked at the bottle of alcohol... well, okay, rewinding. the other day on the bus, when i was looking for a new place up in university district to put my tent, because little did i know, you can still be 'evicted' even when you're already homeless. yeah, believe it or not, if someone doesn't want you sleeping on a certain piece of grass, they can just tell you to move. it doesn't cause them any stress. but anyway, on the bus home, right when i'm about to get off at my stop, this bum in a wheelchair on the bus goes to get off the bus, and drops a big bottle of whiskey. almost full. now, i'm not a drinker, i don't drink, i think it's one of the dumbest drugs on this planet, but we'll get to that later. but i thought, what the hell, i picked it up, put it in my trench coat pocket, and got off the bus. i figured maybe i could trade it for some pot. so anyway. i'm sitting in my tent last night, smoking a cigarette, and i looked at the bottle of whiskey. and i thought to myself, well, fuck it, alcohol keeps you warm, and i've got nuthing else to do right now except try to get a charge on this fucking phone that might last all night. so i walked down to the spot where i sometimes charge my phone, and sat there. i started drinking the bottle, and plugging in my phone, trying to get it to charge. well, long story short, i lost my last little shred of sanity, my tent's destroyed, my phone's destroyed, my feet might actually have frostbite, and i feel like killing someone. the next security guard that runs me off, i don't care. if i walk into a cellphone store, and they feed me some horseshit line about i need to mail my phone off and wait seven days, i just might stab the guy. i keep trying to warn people about my fragile sanity, and they just tell me i'm whining too much. anyway. i sat there and tried for two hours to charge my phone. from around ten pm, to around midnight. the phone would not charge. so i fucking broke it. i smashed it up against the concrete i was sitting on, broke the glass screen so it doesn't even come on anymore. go ahead, blame that on me, it gets worse. i smashed the phone. so i walked back up to my tent, and tried to just lay down and go to sleep, hoping the alcohol would help me pass out. well, around two am, i puked myself awake in true jimi hendrix style, except that i didn't die. i puked inside my tent, are you smelling this situation yet. also, keep in mind this whole time, i've got bugs living inside my clothes. see how well your sanity would do with something like that. shit crawling on your skin, twenty four fucking seven. go ahead, i'll wait. give me two weeks of that and tell me you can still resist stabbing someone in a world where you seriously do not agree with the way they do shit. go ahead.

so, around two am, i puked myself awake. i got out of my tent drunk off my ass, and proceeded to stumble thru the streets in a drunken stupor. i just wanted a lady to show my cock to, that's all i fucking wanted. please, god, just give me one good thing to end this fucking horrid day with. a smiling set of eyes, please. there were no women out last night at two am. oh, yeah, and i forgot one of the best parts. when i puked myself awake and got out of my tent... i was really drunk and stumbling, so i of course destroyed my tent. just trying to stand up straight. destroyed my tent. it cannot be fixed, it's gone. all my shit inside there. and today was the last day i had to move my tent to another piece of grass where people won't evict me. are you seeing how ridiculous this is getting yet. i'm in a library i got kicked out of, smelling like puke, just to tell someone this, and i have no one to tell. you still keeping your sanity? good fuckin' for you. i destroyed my tent, puked all over everything in it, but the worst fucking part. you want to hear the worst fucking part? i puked all over perry's mousepad. the last thing i had held onto for this long. my neck refuses to pop, even though i declared war on it, and sent a few nukes last night, my neck still will not fucking pop. how's your sanity doing? smelling like puke yet? whiskey spaghetti puke? are you hanging on with me, on this wonderful little rollercoaster ride of sanity. i destroyed my tent, destroyed my phone, and puked all over perry's mousepad. my feet might actually have frostbite, and i need to be signed into a hospital before i kill someone. i've been begging for help this whole time, keep that in mind, but i assure you, they'll just blame it all on me.

i've got a problem with a world where i can't afford the slightest bit of sanity. where there are six billion people consuming products, and i can't get a single one of them to care enuph about me to scrape me up off the streets, and help me smell better. i have a serious problem with you fuckers. i also have a problem with this world, where if i had an idea, a solution to overcome this homeless problem, i already know for a fact that the people in charge of the tight little fascism festival known as windows phone eight, and those other assorted assmaggots and fuckclowns, would say no to my dream. i know they would. oh, you don't think so, you doubt that? okay, well, here's my idea, then, smartass, since you need proof like christians need proof of evolution when they base their faith on... zero evidence. yeah, those assfucks. here's my idea. the shit that they're making these smart phones out of? you know, all the plasticky crap. get nasa to start mass producing this shit, and build high tech houses out of. oh, fuck nasa, they're not doing anything else anyway, we've only got one fucking moon, how much of a space program did reagan really need. or even carter, who i was born under. i love that fucking term, make me sound submissive from my day of birth, yeah. i'm sitting in a library i got kicked out of, smelling pot, which is always a really... it's fucking hell for me to smell pot when i don't have any. i don't guess anyone could understand that enuph to sympathize. i couldn't squeeze sympathy out of you fuckers if i had one of those orange juicer things... i'm smelling pot, and i can't have any of it because humanity is selfish, and we're all too concerned with security and keep that nasty fucker away from me. that's where humanity's at right now. i've got no one to tell this story to. my heart is so fucking... my last little fiber of sanity is gone. you want to question that? doubt that? debate that? okay, doc, since you always have so much to say about my sanity, like you know it better than me, go ahead, let's hear what you've got. 'oh, well, it's all your fault, and you whine too much'. thanks, doc, here's a kick in the nuts as payment for something i didn't need again. go fuck yourself. i think i know my mind better than you do, how's that for a theory. i'll enforce it with the first gun i find. don't fuck with me.

i'm one of those guys, you see them once in a while thru history, i'm one of those guys, the guys you just don't fuck with. you can see it in their eyes, they will hurt you. well, our ancestors were a little lax on the teachings, and that's not my fault. i am full of passion, and desperately trying to save what little of myself i have left, and no one is listening. out of six billion of you earless fucks, not a single one of you can have enuph heart to listen to me. that's just the beginning of my day today. my tent is broken, it has puke in it, my phone is destroyed, and at this point, i just need to be signed into a hospital before i kill someone. if i get strapped down to another bed, i will kill someone. i will prove that you fuckers don't listen for shit. i've been screaming for this help for too long now, without being heard. that is wrong. your parents should have taught you that, but blame me, your beloved scapegoat, just because they didn't. go ahead, make my fuckin' day. when i finally start shooting people, every single one of you idiots is going to listen to what cnn says about me, and you're all going to blame me, because you cannot possibly handle that blame yourself. you couldn't take responsibility for that if you actually understood it. and you still call yourselves responsible. i laff at that. just so you know. but when i finally go off and start shooting people, it will be because i have gone without proper care and help for too long now, and that is not good. you people cannot do that. i live in a world where everyone can have a nice comfy cozy home to sit in every night, and... this is just a fraction of what i have to deal with, and you fuckers think that's so fair, that you can come kick me off this piece of grass... yeah, okay, where's the sign saying i can't be there. show me that fucking sign, and i'll show you a little piece of logic called 'signs' by tesla. it's an old tune, we've all forgotten about it, but it should have taught us something. i have a major problem with each and every one of you fuckers, and i'm about to turn this into a game show where you all lose, but you all win by learning what the fuck you've been doing wrong this whole godfucking time. does that sound fair to you? how about if i just stab you, and move on to the next intelligence quotient. i'm a firm believer that everyone needs to have their iq stamped on their foreheads, and if you can only listen for ten seconds before interrupting... that's your iq.

so, with all this being said, i'm saying goodbye to you all for a while. i need to be hospitalized before i do something i don't want to do. you can debate that with your semantics all you want, but you're just looking like idiots in my eyes, if that could even matter to you. that's exactly, precisely how careless and heartless you fuckers have become, and i plan to... well... in a poetic way, which you still don't understand... i'm about to do some open heart surgery on this entire planet. hope you enjoy your broken puke tent, a busted ass useless fucking phone, and bugs. they're like my tenants, and whenever i catch a few doing something they're not supposed to be doing... being seen by me, that is... i evict a few of them. i love feeling the power. it makes me feel completely insane, which is how i gauge sanity, and you fuckers couldn't understand that if it was on wikifuckin'pedia. so kiss my hairy black fucking ass, i'm trying to salvage what's left of my own sanity right now, so i don't start killing you all. but i would love to, instead of going to a hospital and wasting my time being treated like i'm stupod, i would much rather walk into a microsoft store somewhere, and say 'hey, i've got an idea, who do i talk to'. i have a dream, who do i talk to. point me in the direction of people who give birth to dreams, i'm pregnant with a big mutherfucker, and we're gonna need a c section stat. nurse, get the fuckin' scalpel. don't fuck with me. i'd love to walk up to whoever controls the ideas of this wretched planet, and tell them my big donkin' zinger. yeah, this plastic crap they make smart phones out of. get nasa to start mass producing this shit, and build houses out of it. they're portable, they fold up into a little case, they can be plugged in and charged anywhere, they keep you warm, and i'll sell 'em to you fucks dirt cheap. dirty deeds, done dirt cheap! high voltage, mutherfucker. i've got big balls, and you're about to see 'em. get an eyefull, get a real gander goin' on there. i still feel like puking again. i feel so goddamned... i can't even find the words. i hate alcohol, this is what it does to your life, and that's why i don't fucking drink. it would behoove you fucks to keep me on a constant supply of pot, but you'd charge yourselves too much, and you'd bitch and whine too much, while refusing to hear my solution. selfishness, greed, paranoia, policy, fascism, security, fear, it's all going out the fucking window. i just wish someone could be a fan of mine while i'm doing this. but they way i see you fucks, no one will even thank me when i'm done. and you wonder why i hate you. you wonder why my sanity is this fragile. but you won't even ask me the question, let alone let me answer it. and you think you care. you think you have a heart when you go to fuckin' abercrombie and buy your little (red) bag that donates twenty percent of your pants purchase to whoeverthefuck.com, yeah, that's caring. get your latté, your fuckin' prius, your designer jeans and your fuckin' chihuahua, and fucking die already. take all that fucking trash with you, would you please. i say we pick a volcano on this planet, and give it a little fuel. throw some shit in there we don't need, as a collective of mature responsible creatures, i want us all to stand on that volcano, and decide all together, hey, this fuckin' beiber asshole, we don't need him, and we all vote together, the æyes have it, toss the little bitch in there. hey, windows phone eight, do we need this? no? toss it in there. guns? meth? heroin? blonde skank snacks that don't put out? toss 'em in there. lawmakers? republicans? fascists? moneygrubbing greedmongers? people who retail fear? hey, i think we just evolved.

so that's my day, folks. that's my wonderful morning that i have woken into. i have no choice but to lock myself up, because i'm trying to save your fuckers lives. that's not how crusaders and conquerors are born. how do you think genghis khan got started. did he ask a therapist for help, or do you think he just bravely picked up a gun and started reinventing reality. you'll never understand what i am, speaking thru these lips from the other side of reality. you can't see me. you refuse to try. you won't ask me a single question, you couldn't listen to the answer if we had duct tape, what good are you. why are you here, you're taking up space, you need to go. warriors, conquerors, crusaders... and you people think because you have a smart phone... you're safe. your phone won't protect you from shit. your society, your leaders, they won't protect you if i come for you. what security are you even paying for. you don't need security, you need logic. i've been saying that all along, and have proven that you fuckers aren't listening. but all you need is logic. just sit someone down at a table and think of something, that's literally all it takes. but you refuse because the dollars tell you those people need to be in prison, and stripped of all their choices that could keep sanity functioning properly in their fuckin' soggy muffin heads. i fucking hate you all, i hate so much, that i can't even find the words anymore. and after getting another bad message from perry anyway... my heart is dead, my sanity is gone, and i thank you all for a wonderful trip thru your fuckfest. your disaster plaster. i fucking hate you all, and i will invent a better way out of this, whether you like it or not. and if people that say no too much have to die in that process, that's not my fault, they were standing in the way of a bulldozer, and their parents should have taught them not to do that, but since they didn't, that's one string of ancestors we no longer need here, and i say we start populating this planet with more yes mouths. people who say no to dreams should be shot. if you even start to debate that, you'll be shot, too. the future is no time for pussies, ladies and gentlemen. kick your balls up, or there's the volcano.

good fucking riddance.