sa.turd.ay

just say turd. well, thursday got blown to shit. didn't get to the dinner, cause when i left the starfucks, and looked at the paper... i left starfucks around one. sat by the seven eleven and looked at the paper, says it's over at two:thirty. what the fuck thanksgiving dinner ends at two fucking thirty? how early are these people passing out? i know they aren't morning people like i am.

finally got a new sleeping bag. there are things i should be doing today, but honestly, i'm still too tired, exhausted, sleepy. brett might call today. can't find anyone with weed. these are the saddest homeless people i've ever seen. at least homeless people in san francisco had a little drive behind it. i'm not sure what else to do.

carol and brett both gave me a lot to think about. i need to email carol and explain that i've never been able to meditate, don't even have much interest in it honestly, but i have seen a bright light in my crown chakra (top of my head) that's part of a long story i can't write yet, but i need to get my neck to stop hurting and having to pop constantly. but hopefully when i get the motel on december third, that might help. which, i also need to do that soon, too. but i have till thursday, can't do shit on weekends, so i'm just gonna panhandle for the weekend, and then on monday start trying to find a motel. jesse got fired from seven eleven, so i've got no reason to stay around that corner anymore. not that i had one in the first place, i just got stuck there. but i should go elsewhere by now, i need to find a better corner. it needs to have a place to sleep that's a dark, quiet corner. a possible stash spot. a seven eleven, a panhandling spot close to the seven eleven, a starbucks, a library... a restroom... if i can get ahold of monique from wings of laughter, then i don't need to stay around rockpaper on sunset for open mic. if brett can help, then... well, we'll see where that goes first. cause he talks too fast and too quiet for me to really understand.

why am i the most coherent, intelligible person i've ever known... besides my mother? or is it the least opinionated? am i openminded on the scale of closedmindedness? what is it? i know part of it is that i don't like religion, superstition, tradition, shit like that, cause i'm not those people, but what else separates me from everyone else, cause i know it's a thick fuckin' wall, but how do i define it, or figure out what texture it is at least. if and when i do meet other big brains, are they going to reject me the same way the small minds do? cause that's what i already assume, the way this society functions on obsessions with money, which made everyone apathetic.

panhandling gives you a very fucked up view of this world. i don't think anyone else even cares to see it.

fuck it, i'm gonna go eat something cheap and lay down for a while longer. hopefully not get arrested this time.

FOR LAYING ON A FUCKING SIDEWALK!!!

jesus, what a crime! fuckin' nuke me.