time to think

okay. so... when i get my birth certificate... what fucking ball of chaos is this going to imprison me in. it's gonna say joseph craig dresser on it. am i going to have to prove to them that i'm ozzy draven? change my name all over again? i'm the only one having this problem, and having to verify my identity and identify my verity and conform to their confirmations and jump through their fucking hoops of lunacy, and i'm sick of being their lab rat, poked and prodded at their whim... yeah, hello, am i the only one asking this question... why do i have to verify myself to these people who don't know me... so fucking much! why! can no one answer this question?

i've asked library after library, through seattle, portland, san francisco, and now here, i've asked many libraries, no one seems to know how the fuck to start a religion, and i'm finding that increasingly frustrating and disturbing. am i the only one who thinks that libraries should possess that knowledge? they say 'we have books on religion', but those books don't have phone numbers and addresses of where to go and what paper to fill out, and i'm not so good with reading books when my focus is fucked, which is why i'm asking for help, you work in the fuckin' library, you read it. i'm not capable of that right now. i'm sorry, i'm an evolutionist, which means black text on white paper in standard font is not very compatible with my triangular eye sight, but if there were a youtube video perhaps.

so it's occurred to me... several months ago in san francisco, actually, but it's taken some time to consider... but it's occurred to me... if this still isn't catching on yet, then just start talking about it like it's already happened. so i figured, i'll remake my voicemail message, and get it to stick this time, using the library phone to check, since i have no fuckin' friends. but i want to make it like this...

...
greetings, you've reached evolution hotline, a subsidiary of ozztek industries.

we don't yet have the technology to take your call at the moment,
so if you'd like to leave a message, you'll have to invent the technology yourself.
we could use someone with your talents at ozztek industries!
to fill out an application, please go to ozztek.blog.com.

please pay attention, as our menu options will never change or conform to your norm,
because i killed norm, he was a naughty security guard, and you can find him in the dumpster behind walmart.

if you're trying to reach bill hicks, satirist, social critic, standup comedian, please press one.
if you're trying to reach ozzy draven, founder and ceo of ozztek industries, and the church of evolution, please press two.
if you're trying to reach evolution, the multitalented band leader, photographer, and televolutionist visionaire extraordinaire, please press three.
if you know that those are three synonymous names for the same spirit, please press four.
if you're confused and don't know what to do, please press five.
if you're debating on who this guy is, and what the fuck he's talking about, please go to ozztek.blog.com for a free consultation.
if you're swimming against the current, you're not a dead fish, and you should watch jim hightower, alex jones, naked news, and keep yourself properly informed.
if you're a clone with a credit card, then you need to be converted to evolutionism immediately. please press six three times frantically, and then panic!
if you're already forming negative opinions, then you are not healthy in the head, and you should seek help! seek help! by going to ozztek.blog.com for a free consultation.
if you'd like to become an evolutionist, please press seven with your big thumb, your left wing, or your seventh eye, and you'll be routed and sprouted for immediate conversion.
if you'd like to donate to ozztek industries digitally, my paypal is animatrinity@gmail.com, and the lord thanks you, son, you're healed!
if you need to identify yourself soldier and assimilate yourself soldier and poke your authoritative finger in someone's chest to make your dick appear bigger, then you should not be calling this number, what the fuck is wrong with you! didn't your mother smack you hard enough, you scruntroach! shoot yourself please! the truth hates you!

the evolution bible is online, ready to read, and free of charge, because that's the way it should be. just google it.
remember, you cannot make an informed decision unless you are fully informed. otherwise you'll make yourself look real stupid. if you fear knowledge, it will fear you back.
my mama taught me the best lesson in life. she said son, don't just learn from your own mistakes, watch the show cops. thanks, mama.
my mama taught me that interruptions are rude. apparently she didn't teach anyone else. remember to give evolution two opposable thumbs up!
ozztek industries is not liable for your misunderstandings, please read the loser manual carefully.
this message will self destruct as soon as you hear the beep. have a wonderful...!
...

so. i shouldn't have to verify my identity to people who don't know me. if i'm the only one who thinks this, and if i have any further trouble trying to prove my identity to these idiots, then fuck it. ozzy draven is dead. they're going to have to deal with me on a whole different level. not only will i break their ultimate copyright infringement law by identifying my reincarnation to get my kids back, but they're going to have to call me evolution. they want to kill off one of my names with their legal paperwork prison horseshit, that's the way i plan to fight it, to attack it first. that's what they want to see, either someone cave in under their fascism, or rise above it with destructive power, and they want to debate that and not take me seriously until it's too late, fine. they'll learn the hard way like everyone else who has crossed me. being an evolutionist, i realize that death is no way to learn your lesson. so i'm not going to kill you. i intend to force the knowledge into your head against your will, cause the more you squirm, the dumber you look. because i want to see that look on your face, i want to collect those and put them on youtube. the moment of forced revelation. the shocking nudity of the truth. that's what i'm in this for. that's sustenance to me. fuel. that's what i call... priceless.

i figure, this, and i'll just start blogging about evolutionism as much as possible, until i start getting some emails. just pass it out like a business card, and act like it's already here. treat people as if... you know, what are you doing not paying attention? you can officially catch on now, the starting line started already. yeah, it's twenty sixteen, where have you been? yeah, evolution is here, he just got off the bus, google it now and save yourself from the lord!

with some of my disability money, i could actually get some business cards made up. but the point is, i only need certain people's attention. what are my objectives here. in los angeles, not much. i don't want to branch out much till i get out of here, and get myself a house in washington. because i truly feel that the line for the evolution community is up around the canadian border, around montana. that's where my eye has been gravitating to for some time now. ozztek industries has to be based in canada, the church of evolution will be spread out through cities.

i also want to have little purple donation boxes, with the ozztek industries logo, and a warning saying 'do not spend this on drugs, it completely goes against my religion and what i'm trying to do'.

so here's a better, more summarized definition of evolution, from an email with carol:

Evolution.

I feel like sellin' thumbs today.

Our direction: fearlessly forward.
Our political stance: anarchist.
Our God: logic.
Our initiative: ending the war on poverty now.
Our IQ standards: much higher than yours.
Our mindset: strictly psychedelic.

Your answer: to end your poverty, to become part of the nonmonetary community, you have to become an evolutionist, and convert others.

That's the product I'm selling. Plain and simple. I'm talented and educated enough to do it through any medium; comedy, music, movies, books, fashion, foods, magic, distraction, advertizing, promotion, marketing, electronics and software, portable housing, talent migration and integration, education, religious allegiance, social trends, and televolutionism.

I'm selling thumbs.

And the first requirement for an evolutionist: educate yourself. Inform yourself. Arm yourself with information, not paranoia.

Minimal mandatory educational material requirements:

Ten hours of Alex Jones on YouTube.
Ten hours of Terence McKenna on YouTube.
Ten hours of Bill Hicks.

Twenty hours of standup comedy.

The following films: in time, limitless, lucy, idiocracy, lucky number slevin, fight club, the postman, the Truman show, xmen (all), Lord of war, accepted, first twenty million, kickass (both), and savages (2012, oliver stone).

And the following documentaries: dmt: the spirit molecule, american drug war; the last white hope, what in the world are they spraying and why in the world are they spraying it, and i'll think up more later.

Oh, and do your research on me. The more informed you are about me, the less I have to say.