empty world

why am i filled with so much hatred?

why is it impossible to translate to anyone?

why is it impossible to find anyone who understands me?

why can i not break through that, and change it?

why can i not find a heart or mind in this world?

why does everything feel so numb and empty?

why am i so lost?

it seems like ever since my mother died, society stopped having a reason to understand me... if they ever did.

what delusion am i lost in?

and will there ever be an answer to this? an ending? something better? this can't be all there is to life here. this can't be all there is to my life. and this cannot possibly be the only life there is.

if i'm this smart, having trouble communicating with anyone in this world and being understood, if my iq is this much higher than the people around me, and if i'm lost in this illusion, on this planet, right now, this american dream horseshit... this can't be all there is. i couldn't possibly get ripped off that badly, and then nothing.

no god would allow shit to be that stupidly random and unexplained for this long. not even god, but consciousness, whatever energy does exist out there, is it completely chaotic and random, or does it have some sanity, some order, some function, some awareness, some logic. i can't be the inventor of logic on this fucking planet. you must be joking, surely there was someone before me. this is what year now? where are my fuckin' friends? is the bus late?

what the fuck watch or alignment do i need to look at here? what the fuck is going on?

help, god, this is a really bad joke, god, my voice is muffled in an ocean of chaos, echoed only by my dead heroes, and i can't find the living ones in this zombie videogame nightmare, god, are you there, can you hear my voice, god?

consciousness? energy? aliens? spirits? mom? michio kaku? otep shamaya? robb flynn? fuckin' maynard? anyone? hello?

half of you are in the studio right now, or just coming out of it, the other half of you are fuckin' dead...

god, this fog is dense. tool said this bog was thick and easy to get lost in, but this is dumber than it should be right now, surely a few candlelight brains have gathered somewhere, i can't see shit. i know i'm here, but where i am, i don't know. i know i just stepped back into the room, cause there's a black distance gap, but i know who i am. this soul is still here, why do i have these memories of you guys, but can't get a smoke signal. is anyone receiving me? is this translating? hello?

am i the only human who hates plastic human clones? hello? is that just the echo of my voice?

receptive ears...
dust...
i'm sure there's something to stub my toe on...

hello?

am i the only human trying to find humans with all three eyes? did someone mention that soundgarden song, or was that me? what the fuck, man, who here is not laughing at me, who here is the least bit curious, anyone?

numb...
apathetic...
staring at nothing...
videogames...
solitaire...
lord of icons...
trash...
pop music videos on youtube...
zombie clones...

am i lost in a world of my own bad imagination, or what the fuck's going on here? you guys suck, where's the cool shit? people who speak... i don't know, what the fuck language do you call it here, cause you idiots don't seem to know. you call it english, but you're american, and none of you can speak english, let alone spell, then hbo calls it 'adult language', but that offends everyone and stays in the garage, so i don't get it, where are the adults who speak poetic passion from the heart in a fluent blending of many tongues in a sharing of perspectives and debate in search of the truth... was that sentence too long, did i lose you? where do i find these people? does anyone know where the mensa building is, and how can i teleport there without paying soulstealing fishhook cashdollars to get on a packed sardine can with empty zombie humans who don't speak and listen to what the government sells them, can anyone help me? where do i how do i get to where to find the actual humans on this planet? take me to... not your leader or your dealer, but that guy, the guy who talks, looks kinda like me, where do i find me people? is this translating? are my sentences too long for you? are you on twitter? what's going on here? is this going to sound stupid if i shout it into the future? am i talking to myself or is anyone listening? where's the megaphone? is this making any sense to anyone?

why do i feel so fucking lost, i know i've been here before, i've done this before, why do i know that if i'm the only one who knows that in this world, and i can't find people i know i've talked to before, what the fuck is going on here, why am i so fucking lost, i feel like i'm shouting through a walmart with empty eyes staring at me and not saying anything, and why do i feel like i'm the only one looking for dead people? and are they supposed to be here, or not? if not, then why the fuck am i here? and why does random not play my music on random anymore? how many lives have i lost to you morons? how many lizard tales are off behind me somewhere? how long have i walked this earth with no connection? how many times have i been here without anyone knowing? and will i have to do this shit again? cause this ain't fun for a life on this planet, i'm not having fun in a monetary society, i seem to be the only one, i can't find anyone else to translate to, not even google translate understands me, where the fuck do i go, where are the big brains, i can feel them, they're here somewhere, i've talked to you before, i know i've translated, i've lived this before, but i'm lost and about twenty years late after i should have been here, if that makes any sense, but i know i've done this before, hello? is anyone there yet? i feel like i'm in chinatown again, being stared at. oddly, walmart is kinda like chinatown. empty eyes just stare at you, but oddly enough, you don't exist either. i can't believe i ever saw that. why do i feel like i should have been here two thousand years... after now? did someone hit the wrong button? what's going on? am i supposed to be here yet, or did someone shove me on stage too soon? i'm getting lost in a sea of my own echoes here, this really isn't funny, my sanity is seeing weird shit, i can feel my mind slipping through the cusp of the earth in this age, and the earth in the next age, and i can't find anyone that makes sense to, who would actually respond with a... what would you call something they haven't named or figured out, or even identified yet... unidentified... written... concept? object? objective? uh... wait... fuckin'... what's the word for a meaningful statement with multiple words... i know it's not just an 'essay', cause kids in school didn't realize the teachers were saying that word for that reason with that meaning attached... i knew that was off immediately, that was my first glimpse that something was unworldly wrong here. people don't know what the fuck a coincidence is. spit a reaction off your tongue that has some life to it, or maybe eat a steak first, see if that helps get some life out of your heart. why do so many people drink to socialize, and why am i the only one who doesn't, without having to fill that hole with a god, or some other plastic product horseshit. why, lord, why, why can i not find anyone else who hates this shit as much as i do? i know there are a few here, i hear their songs with my own ears, but no one else's, why are my people so unpopular, hidden, and hard to find? where are they? how the fuck do i find them? cause i can't find shit on google anymore. social networks are for retarded mindless clones who can't make a choice to identify any self awareness unless it's a videogame product or an opinion about another one. what the fuck is going on here, god, why... why do i say anything? why do i speak? why do i exist when all you wanted here were plastic zombie clones and walking products with credit cards for concrete cancer hearts... why, god, why!