i hate to keep saying this

i fucking hate people so fucking much. every goddamn human on this fucking planet. i fucking hate you all. you'll never know that, you'll never care, and that's just one more reason i fucking hate you.

i sat at starbucks till two pm. went across the street to scrape a bowl and smoke my last cigarette. but the scumbags are there, so i have to hear their ignorance the whole time i'm scraping, plus the wind blowing all my shit around, blowing dirt all over me, i fucking love that. i try to bum a cigarette on the way back in. what do you think reality says? yeah, fuck no. so i come in and try to plug in. the zz top twins, two scumbag pieces of shit i keep seeing around, they're worthless, they don't do anything. they're plugged in next to the only open seat in the corner by the door. i ask them if i can plug in. they say no. i say you can plug your phone into your laptop like i do, and save a space. but he wants to act stupid and refuse. so now i'm sitting here typing on battery power. barely stoned. josh isn't back yet, and i'm so sick of that name, and all the rest of these names, when am i finally going to stop seeing consumers, clones, people named josh, drug addicts, scumbags, credit cards, cops, concrete, when am i going to stop seeing this shit! when am i going to meet anyone like me! when, lord, when!

what the fuck is wrong with this world?
what fucking delusion did i stumble into?
and i can't blame anyone for bringing me here, nor can i kill myself?
that's a wonderful, well thought out little deal there.
and there's a god that everyone but me can pray to!
there's money that everyone but me can spend!
there's flesh that everyone but me can touch!

oh, i really belong here.
boy, i feel right at homeless.
unwanted in a world where the rich...
i'm sick of saying this shit.
it's not obvious to anyone else yet, it never fucking will be.
you human fucking pond scum make me fucking sick.
there's no excuse for you, you disgust me.
you should all be ashamed of yourselves.
walking by panhandlers and not giving.
what are you trying to be?
you ever ask yourself that?

you make me fucking sick.
all of you.
every goddamn one of you.

can't give.
can't give.
can't give.

just can't smile.
you don't look like you're enjoying life to me.
and i'm certainly not enjoying watching your life.
you could bore the fuck out of a slug.
you evolve like a fuckin' hoola hoop.

i saw the documentary about ozzy osbourne. called 'don't blame me'.

and in the documentary, that christian right wing idiot, i forget his name, is going on about how he went to an ozzy concert, and saw all the fans with the 'sign of the devil' on their fingers, and he says 'not a smile on any of them'. he has to descriptively say that.

which, first of all, you know is a lie.
if you've ever been to an ozzy concert... sea of smiles. i don't know what denial that idiot was looking at, but he was dead fuckin' wrong. he was so wrong on that, his lie smelled like republicans.

but anyway. and secondly... uh... okay, the stench of hypocrisy as well. ever look at a christian? what's the look on their face? describe it. do you see a smile? pick out a sea of christians from christian mingle dot com, and let's see what we get. cause i don't know if it's just me, or what, but whenever i see christians in church, they're not smiling. whenever i see christians in the streets, they're not smiling. whenever i ask them for money, they don't smile. whenever they're bitching at me about whatever i'm doing wrong... do you think they're smiling?

no, christians are the most delusional, negative, hateful people i've ever known. their religion is about forgiveness, but i've never been forgiven for anything. they've hated me for no reason since birth, never explained a fuckin' thing, especially intelligibly. they have so many reasons to hate you, but very few to forgive you. they preach about forgiveness, but stick people in prisons for years. is that forgiveness? their dollar bills say 'in god we trust', well, if i don't trust your god, does that mean i have to spend your money? no answer. do they even understand what i'm saying? no answer. blank stare. is anyone else having this issue here? sea of dead crickets in a fuckin' library. is this thing on? hello? god, am i dead? so yeah, that's bullshit. they're the ones frowning and complaining about shit, metalheads just look that way on their album covers. in case you're... you know... hopefully you're not judging a book by its cover, and instead looking a little deeper, but you know... just in case.

i fucking hate people. you disgust me. two legged humanoid scumfucks with credit cards and dogs on leashes, fuckin' tattoos, buying clothes that make you look like something you're not, what the fuck are you trying to be? what the fuck is wrong with you? you sick, stupid creature! when does this shit end? what's next, cause i'm already bored? are you going to ignore one of your audience members who's bored with the show? and i'm not allowed to exit? well, something needs to be done then, the complaint wall has dead gods all over it, so i can't let anyone know i'm displeased with your little idea here, hello? is anyone brave enough to listen? i know this isn't what you want to hear, but humour me for a second. don't do what everyone else is doing. jim hightower says 'swim against the current, even a dead fish can go with the flow', but los angeles only has dead fish? where are the brains? i feel like a zombie, but i know it's the opposite side of the delusion, i'm a little lost here.

i fucking hate you all.

anyway. sorry. and third, the douchebag christian on the ozzy video... someone needed to say this, i can't believe this was never said by anyone, what the fuck are you people thinking if no one could say this, why did this have to be my fucking job, anyone of you could have done this, but i really feel like this needed to be said, still needs to be pointed out and said publicly, and accepted or legally enforced or something. can we vote on it? can we protest and write it everywhere? can we get some human spirit back together? are we all completely divided at this point? is there any hope of uniting?

but this seriously needed to be asked, and it never was.

i really want to ask that guy. just to see what reaction it sparks. i know i won't get a legitimate answer. i'll get lies, denial, accusations, diagnoses, all sorts of bullshit other than an answer.

here's the question i want to ask. ready?

drum roll...

do you know how stupid you sound?

i'd love to ask that guy, and most of these idiots, in person someday, seriously inquiring, honestly begging for a legitimate answer. i know i'll never get one. oh, i know that. i've already been through this argument a billion times. i know for a fact. scientific fact. proof, evidence, work shown, mutherfucking fact. i will never get an answer that's anywhere near honest.

but if they ever asked me anything, and i got a little angry, or raised my voice in frustration at having to repeat myself, or anything like that, they would say 'he's flying off the handle, drug him'.

mature approach, sure, okay. just like you dragged me out of the hospital parking lot. these idiots are so mature, aren't they? but somehow, they can blame you for all the shit they're doing. they accuse you of being immature, they blame you for being irresponsible. but i see another truth. i see that they are the lie. they are the delusion. they are the evil, the frowning, complaining, bitching, selfish pieces of shit. am i the only one who sees this? that cannot be true. i refuse to believe that. in fact, i refuse to believe any of this horse shit, and i'm waiting for something to happen that peaks my interest again.

i can't sit on my laptop or type without my elbows screaming in pain. my stomach won't leave me alone, constant rumbling. i'm thankful my teeth aren't hurting too much, i ran out of pain pills last night. my neck is fucked, it keeps feeling like it's going to break. and my laptop's already on low battery. i fucking hate these disgusting humanoid creatures, two legs, a credit card, and no heart.

what the fuck has happened to all of you?
who were you misled by, and for how long?
and how much are you enjoying living your life?
traveling, dining out, driving, flying, having money?

oh, i hope you're enjoying it like it won't last.

because these people truly do not know how stupid they sound. they don't want to know.

that knowledge is evil, remember?

yeah, well, it's time some of us climbed out of that playpen. i don't want to live among children anymore. children who would ignore a fellow human.

but rappers can walk down the street and talk to other rappers.

i fucking hate all of you.
and you'll refuse to think i'm justified till the day you no longer waste space on this planet. i hope to see that day. i'm praying for judgement day. i'd love for you all to be judged for how you've treated poor people this whole time. every goddamn one of you who ignored a panhandler. you think you're so much better than what? and is there a reason, an excuse? can you think of one?

do you even know where i'm going with this?
are you gonna act stupid, or act surprised?
are you going to hate me after this, or apologize?
are you even going to guess which options my money is on?

fucking lazy human shits. fuck all of you. until you stumble out of that credit card meth product haze, i will fucking hate you more than you hate me. just to keep the upper hand. don't think you can hate me more, i was raised around my grandmother. she was satan. you wannabe fucks.

so that question really needs to be asked at some point during this argument.

do they really know how stupid they fucking sound?
believing in a god that excuses them from acting like assholes, and treating people poorer than them like shit, people who don't want to work their jobs, or who would rather follow their own lives, but we're not able to do that in a monetary society, try explaining that to them! go ahead! i'll time you!

you pieces of fucking shit. hypocrites, lazy fucking human scum, i hate you. when will you know it.

your god can't even tell you how much i hate you, let alone explain the reasons to you. like you'd ever listen in the first place. and you think you're better than me. still.

i've been to an ozzy concert. i smiled. i've been to church. i didn't smile. neither did you.

go ahead. tell another lie. keep it going. you think i haven't been through this before.
you think i haven't learned what i needed to learn from this shit already.

i see it in the obviousness of hot women flocking to california. you think i don't know what you're all really doing here? you think i'm that stupid? i'd love to see a hacker hack into all your accounts someday, just to look for one little piece of information. what you're all trying to be. i'd bet two dollars for every dollar i'll ever have, that you're all trying to be the same fucking thing.

fucked.
taken care of.
spoiled.
actress.
porn star.
get a free ride through life.

all of the above. it's all the same fucking thing. the same choice. you're selling your bodies, and taking advantage of that, to live a better life than i can, and you fucking know that, you already had one twenty two year old shoot a few of you, how many more do you need before this herd of cattle wakes the fuck up and starts walking another way! you're walking through a permanent midnight of the human psyche, and you don't see anything wrong with that. and if i do, you don't have to listen. oh, but i'm being childish, uh huh, sure. yeah, keep saying the same thing, thinking it will always work. nothing could ever possibly learn from this, we've figured it out perfectly. boy, you're so smart. you must be proud. nothing ever evolves out from under your denial. if you can deny it, it's simply not there. god, you're so infallible, you're just like your god. coincidence? so perfect. well i'm sicking of looking at you all. i'd love to see all your heads on the fuckin' road. oh, let that offend you. cause the only reason you can sell your bodies right now, is because we're still in a monetary society. i'm counting days, hunny, till your undeserved free ride ends. fuckin' dollar sluts. i can't stand you. holding the arm of one man at a time, what toilet of denial did you drown in? i'm praying to see your skinny ass and your stupid fuckin' face splatter all over sunset boulevard. credit cards go flying. i'm praying to see it. let's see who's god shows up first.

cause someone needs to say this... your god sucks at judging.

keep it going. how long can this go on. how long can you enjoy life without letting every other human enjoy the same. how long can you keep excusing yourself. i'm really curious.

i've proven you wrong so many times. but my blog has four fucking views.

seems to me like you're just to lazy to get out of denial. which means the earth is going to have to find a solution. something to do with you, so we can move on already. time is ticking, i know that much.

take your doomsday clock and shove it up your ass, while you're falling into the volcano, please, so i can photograph it and put it on facebook. please? i'll pay you for that. i'll also give you this free tshirt that says 'i oppressed the poor for centuries and stumbled into a volcano and all i got was this stupid tshirt'.

all your movies.
all your pop music.
all your food products.
all your overpriced restaurant food.
all your paid security and waiters.
all your slaves preparing food for you.

you can take every godfucking bit of this unholy pyramid of yours, and shove it all up your stupid, unevolved, in denial, lying scumbag fucking ass. you fucking pieces of shit, you fucking human turds, why can't you at least be ashamed of yourselves? why is that so hard for you to admit? why are you incapable of truth? why do you smell so fucking horrible! like paris hilton's plastic credit card douche dildo, that's what you fucking smell like! drenched in perfume and denial, hiding in layers of clothing and cash, never knowing who or what the fuck you are, never having any potential for change, just spending that fucking credit card, and telling others what to do. and each time you ladies hold the arm of a rich man instead of the arm of a poor man... you're letting satan that much further into this world. i hope you know that someday. all your chatting about what products look prettier. i wish i could rape every one of those putrid fucking words back into your horrid mouths, so maybe i wouldn't feel so ashamed of all the shit i've said that was never heard. all the words and breath i've wasted in the wrong direction. the less ugly i feel... the more truth i see through your draining opacity. fucking die already. please let this offend you. let this ruin your day. get all bitchy about it. please. it's not the money i want paid back. you'll never have a fuckin' clue.

you are scum.
what the fuck is wrong with you.
and why the fuck are you still here.
i will fucking hate you like a goddamn enemy.
i am your enemy.
i am your outlaw.
i am evolution.

deny me all you want.

i exist whether you like it or not.

that concrete won't hold up forever.