misery

i have a cold. i keep sneezing. the last sneeze made me bite my tongue again. i so fucking hate normal people. i hate everyone. i hate couples. i hate happy people. i hate tattoos. i hate piercings. i fucking detest males. i fucking hate males so much i can't even find the words. but i'm not happy with women either. they refuse to acknowledge me. they're all cowards.

i really do not belong anywhere on this planet. everything is too wrong for me.

males still won't stop staring at me even though i wrote STOP STARING on the back of my laptop.

i fucking want to die. i'd give my life to have this nightmare end and be over with.

i hate males dragging their pants on the ground. i hate that everyone is having a better time than i am. and they can't even relate to mine. a sneeze every two minutes, blowing my nose every other two minutes, my eyes are flooded with tears and snot, my head feels like a boston cream donut.

i can't even write anymore. nothing i want to say. no one i want to say it to.

i just...

i know how this sounds, but... i can't stop picturing myself turning into a suicidal rapist.

i don't want that to happen, but i'm losing the ability to care. because no one can care about me.

it's the nightmare between the nightmare of no women looking at me, and the nightmare of all males staring at me... it's the confusion betwixt all that. the tension in my shoulders.

and... to top it off... the whole 'no end in sight' thing... tunnel with no light...