ladies and your disgust in men!

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For twitter

I don't know how to send this to Twitter yet, but I will.

There's something wrong with that.

Do I have to design a network where that doesn't happen?

sick

i hate this fucking life so much i'm shaking.

Under the bridge

It's three am.
I'm under the bridge.
It's raining.
It's quiet.
I hate this life.
I'm ashamed to call myself a human.
I miss my world.
I feel so sick.
I tried to find things in this world that I could love.
Everything I found, is...
I'll never find another metalhead.
I'll never find another nudist.
I'll never find another pothead.
And trying to find someone who's all three?
And female?
I dare you to find one female who's not obsessed with money.
I hate this fucking life.
Your world is fucking sad.
Depressing.
I don't want to be here.
I hate this fucking life.

Dear Lord

Can you hear me, God?
Feeling really ugly here.
I'm invisible to women.
I'm not a consumer.
How much does fun cost?
I've never had any.
People could only tell me...
'Do it yourself'
I did it myself.
It wasn't fun because of your selfish monetary society clogfucking this earth, taking up too much space, thinking you own everything, and charging too much money for the fun shit while poor people get ripped off with cheap copies of fun. Where the fuck do you get off? Because my accomplishments were done alone, they weren't on your radar, thus I just wasted twenty years proving you wrong when you won't listen anyway, which is what created this nightmare in the first place. Your idea of fun is simply not my idea of fun. Your advice is from a television screen.

I'm looking for the one lady on this planet, who doesn't give a four fly horse fuck about money, and would rather dedicate herself to the visionary who might end this nightmare, and I'll just clone her.

Unless, of course... you object.

Fuck yourself, society.
You think you're so cool.
You think you're perfect.
And you're always right.

You're consumers.
You're lower than pond scum.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
But the television gives you pride.

I'd rather oppose that,
than be a cheap fuckin' replica clone imitation of it.
I'd rather die,
than live your product life for one minute.

Copy...
Duplication...
I bet I could fax you...

Please, Lord, answer my eighty billion voicemails...

pointless friendships

i'm having no luck making any friends, and it still seems so stupid and pointless to me, i don't need friends, i need employees, but find one human who won't get insulted at that, while they're supporting a system that does the exact same thing. figure that one out.

i'm starting to think the only way for me to make an actual worthwhile friend on this stupid planet... i'm gonna have to force it. and i have no idea how the fuck i'd do that, i'm not benevolent. no matter what you think.

i hate this fucking life. i've never felt uglier or more invisible, and i've been ugly and invisible my entire life. so no, you wouldn't know what it's like, i'd bet you every dollar you'll ever see, i don't see any other guy looking quite as lonely and fuckin' sad as me. no, i see every douchebag with a bag of meth being mister social.

ladies, i'd love it if you could figure out what the fuck you want out of this life. and please choose anything but 'money', 'meth', and 'security' this time, please. you don't think it's a little unfair that you can walk around and get what you need just because you were lucky enough to be born with tits? you don't think it's a little unfair, that you can get a taxi with a tit, whereas if we wanted that same taxi, we'd need a million dollar suit, a fat wallet, a gq face... i truly don't think anyone else understands this simple concept, but...

you ladies... when guys want to sleep with you, you need incentive. do you not?
do diamond rings and handfuls of cash and limousines and pampering make it easier?
like you haven't already made one bad choice in your life, you act as if this one would kill you.
you look at me, and i see that quick thought flare through your eyes. 'nope, i'd need insurance'.

but... when you ladies actually notice a guy and want to sleep with him... you still need incentive!

what the fuck is wrong with you! you're sick!
make up your fucking minds! decide what the fuck it is that you want in life!
you think your job is to... get jobs... vote... be equal... dress up for work...

i'm of a different theory...

you're ladies. i feel like you were put on this planet to do the exact opposite that men do. that way, there would actually be love on this planet, and it would be easier to acquire. sorry, that's the way i picture things, but i'm high on my god's logic, so take me to jail. you wanted equality. you wanted jobs. you wanted to vote. you wanted someone to think you were beautiful.

there ain't one fuckin' soul on this planet that thinks i'm beautiful. you know that?

do you think that's fair?

you wanted the comfort of knowing that someone else thinks you're beautiful.

why the fuck couldn't you be happy with that? cause guys don't have that. we never will.

but let the lonely guy rot in concrete hell because he's too ugly for you.

what the fuck is the point of living this stupid fucking life in this childish fucking world? if i'm just meant to be this invisible and ignored for my entire life, what the fuck is the point?

i stuck around this long just because i was hoping someone might like my ideas?

how fucking stupid does that make me look?

...
i hate this fucking life.
why do i ever open my fucking mouth.
i'm invisible to women.
if i don't have meth and cash, they refuse to see me.

am i not allowed to be unique?
why do i have to dress like every other guy?
why do i have to be who you tell me to be?
why are my ideas not worth a moment of your time?

how repulsive am i?

i hate everything i see.
and there's no way out of this nightmare.
you're all having fun buying products.
with no clue that buying products is not my idea of fun.

you tell me 'get a job'.
you tell me 'put some pants on'.

didn't bob just do that?
why don't i try something different?
can i have your permission to be brave?
can i be daring enough to break away from you, dear master?

you have no idea who i am or why i oppose you.

someone please wake me from this nightmare world!
i'm not having fun in this stupid plastic product filled playground of yours!
you blame me for not thinking of something better, no, i blame you!
how stupid of a mirror can this argument possibly be?
but watch my delusions get offended at the very concept...

where's the end of your life when you need it?

apathy and suicide

i can't find another human who gives a fuck about anything.

i get nothing but automated emails.

i see women keep their eyes straight forward when i walk past.

i've never felt so fucking repulsive.

i really hate this fucking life.

i can't tell you that i hate your world...

it hurts your ears.

i don't want to fit into your world...

i don't want to be like you...

but i'm not allowed to be me.

years

well, mama... it's been a year since you died. i sure miss you. i loved every minute with you.

two years of traveling, now. and three years of homelessness in july.

though, some people have different opinions on the term, i've never really had a home. nowhere on this earth have i felt like i belong yet, nor around any people, so when i say i'm homeless, in one way or another, i've always been homeless. i've lived in houses, apartments, on my own, with people... but i've never belonged in any of those places or situations.

i feel like i'm mister wrong place wrong time, i'm never where i should be, and i always feel that. i never find much on the ground, i always feel like whoever got there just before me found it. there's not a sidewalk i can walk down where i'm not in someone else's way, there's not a dark corner of a room i can stand where i'm not taking up someone else's space, and there's not a minute i can talk where i'm not taking up someone else's precious time. people talk over me constantly, especially men trying to dominate me and educate me, and assuming i'm dumber than them. i got complex ptsd from being intentionally brutally verbally slaughtered by my family for too many years, when i should have gotten out of there twenty years ago. how stupid of me to try and educate myself first, write some good things, and be lucky enough to have a couple kids, what a fuckin' fool. looking back, i'm glad that life was destroyed, but...

i would say it's been a wild ride, but since birth, i've found this planet to be extremely boring, and never can find my people. i assume it should be simple, metalheads, potheads, nudists, hippies, anarchists, geeks, those are my people. i see clones. people who share some ideas, don't share others. and i've been told way too many times, 'dude, you're too much', or that i overwhelm and overload people, in less verbal ways. i don't know why i'm repeating all this again. this looking back shit really pisses me off. i wasn't even trying to say all this shit, i just wanted to post that thing for mom. fuckin' retard.

miss you, mama.

windows ten

well, i guess... nothing's ever going to work on this buttfucking computer anymore. windows has taken just about everything from me that i used to enjoy on a computer. the more things i try to do, the less they work. just trying to drag the mail icon from the system tray to the 'hidden' system tray, and that used to work up until a few weeks ago, now i can't drag the icon anymore, it won't bring up the hidden menu box, and i can't change the icon showing up anymore. when is this going to end.

i'm so sick of windows telling me what i can and cannot do on my own fucking computer. fuck you, microsoft, fuck you bill gates, fuck you satya nadela, however the fuck you spell it. fuck all of you, what gives you the right to tell people what they can and cannot do on their own desktops, what makes you think you own everyone's desktop. the more things i use, the more you take away. and i've noticed over so many years, if there's an option i'll start using, it's gone within a couple months.

for example. i got so sick of windows phone, so i finally switched to android, and i'm glad i did. on the android screen on my phone, where you have your home screen, and no one else knows this, but you can add other screens to your home screen, so you can scroll over, hiding icons and having a much cleaner desktop, no clutter, maybe some widgets to make it look nice. first of all, i'll dare you to find anyone else who knows that, or even uses that feature on their phones. secondly, i figured out about a month ago, that you could have up to seven pages on the home screen. more space joy! so i put my calendar on page six, and some writing links on the last page, so i could scroll over there and click the voice recorder button, or the typing button, depending on what i wanted to record and how quick (since texting is for thumbless martians). well, recently, android updated itself on my phone, and after the software update, guess what feature was removed. the one i used. so now i'm back down to five pages on the home screen, and only got to enjoy seven of them for a month or so.

so thank you, software corporations, for constantly removing features i use with your 'updates'.

from what i've always thought, is that, if a computer were built the way it should be built, then whenever you get an update, it would ADD features, not REMOVE them. they feed us all sorts of excuses, like 'security risks', or 'stupid people can't use it' (however you translate that).

it is for this reason, and it's a massive reason to me, that i cannot wait, i cannot fucking wait, to design my ozztek computer. the way a computer should be designed. so that the user has full control over their entire desktop environment, and your desktop never says 'you can't do that'. because my first question is always 'why the fuck not'. if i want my icon up on the top fucking corner, who the fuck are you to tell me i can't put it there, what the fuck is it hurting you if my icon is not where it is on your desktop, why the fuck should it hurt your brain, if my icon is any different from yours. i have yet to get a mature response to that question. they can afford to not give a fuck. and that makes me sick.

i'm poor, flat fuckin' broke, homeless... and i can still afford to give a fuck where you can't?

are you fucking serious?

i'm sorry. i'm sorry if giving a fuck about people and what they want on their desktop in higher quality with less limitations and restrictions makes me a piece of shit compared to you, or makes me your enemy in the 'business' side of things, but i refuse to be a prisoner to your choiceless life, your self restricted joy, i don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, but i cannot wait to get out from under the disturbing weight of your ignorance and domination, you making choices for me because you assume i'm too dumb to make them myself, which puts you in charge of a billion dollar company, where you do nothing but dictate people's lives, and get off on it, and get away with it, and i refuse to find anything to excuse you, because that's your job.

when will i be able to design a computer the way it was meant to be made?
when can i finally have control over my own desktop?
when can i take some of those billions from you, and feed the homeless with it?
when can i invent portable electronic housing to give away to the homeless for free?
to show that a billion dollar company CAN do that, and how you refuse.
where you have all failed, i will succeed, because someone has to show you what losers you are.

the more control you have over things... the less you know about what it means to be human.

we're on this earth. we're all leaving it one way or another.

but you have to have control, which shows your paranoia in a sickening light.

how unaware are you? really? how oblivious? can i gauge it? can i measure it?

didn't the gathering have an album called 'how to measure a planet'? or something like that? i'll bet you fifty bucks right now, no one in this town knows that album exists.

this is too sad.
too hopeless.
and i can't kill myself...
because i'd be betraying my hope.

you can fight for your freedoms...
you can die for your country...
i wish i could kill myself...
i wish i could end this nightmare...
unfortunately, i've got something to live for...
being better than you.

you think yourselves better than me based on wallet size.
when wallets are no longer necessary...
i can prove you wrong on a clean slate.

and i can't wait.