christmas morning

yesterday was the most horrible day i've had in months. i had to encounter the coldest, most cruel people on the face of this horrid fucking planet. selfish, stupid, incoherent, rude, belligerent... consumers. my least favourite creature. consumers who ignore you on christmas fucking eve. aside from that...

i woke up this morning without a dime in my pocket. walked to seven eleven, trying to get a hot chocolate. asked some guy in his car for a couple bucks for the hot chocolate, he gives me two dollars, but tells me to give the other one to this piece of shit bum by the trash can. so i had to get my hot chocolate with one dollar. i walked into the seven eleven at the wrong fucking time. some hot snob girl walks in, followed by two ignorant crackhead fucking nigger pieces of shit... believe me, i don't use that word lightly, i don't like it, i'm not concerned with skin colour at all, but when you have to be such an obvious piece of human turd, you're just deserving of that label, i'm sorry, that's the way i fucking see it, deal with it. and i'm stupid enough to follow this perfect little crowd in there. i asked the lady if she could possibly spare a dollar for a hot chocolate. she of course ignores me, which makes me feel like she thinks of me as no better than the crackroach niggers in the store. meanwhile, those scumfucks are crowding around me, no matter where i go in the store, they have to stand in my way. every time i try to make my way to the counter to ask the guy, they're right infront of me, so i have to stand and wait as always to get anyone's attention. right about that time, two cops walk in. oh, this is fucking great. so i start ranting and growling because... i can't hold it in at that point. i can't get the clerk's attention, cause he's busy with the hot snob and the two scruntfucks. i'm assuming all three of them are cracked out of their fucking minds, and this close to having a threesome in the store. the idiots won't stop drooling over her ass, which is making me fucking sick, and want to puke all over everything. consumers. there are only two clerks working in the seven eleven, one is dressed for a break, and the other is the dot indian dude that never translates with me. so i ask the guy on break, just desperately trying to get out of there as quickly as possible, but i never get my way, i'm not allowed. i asked him if i could get my hot chocolate for a dollar, without even thinking, he says ask him. i said 'he never understands what i say, would you mind asking him for me'. but he can't get a word in between the indian clerk and the two crackturd idiots, cause they're having a merry little christmas in the store, asking for hot dogs, just having a good ol' time, cause they're allowed to, especially if they belligerently barge right in and demand their path in life, 'high, i'm here for coffee, get the fuck out of my way'. yes, sir, absolutely, sir, very sorry, sir, please excuse my stupididity. scum! they get all the attention and i get none. as always. so at that point, with the cops over by the hot chocolate area, and i start growling with hatred, cringing down into a hateful little ball of blackness and toxic death. the store clerk finally says yes, i can, so i squeeze between the cops, grab a cup, fill it as quick as possible, dump a couple creamers in it, get the lid, and walk the fuck out. disgusted, disturbed, sick with myself, hateful, growling, screaming in the street at god, cops all over the fucking place... merry fucking christmas. i've been ignored by more people last night and this morning, than all of san francisco combined. i hope you sick puke fucks have a wonderful fucking day. i walk over here to the starfucks, hook up my computer, turn it on, check my email hoping for even an automated merry christmas wish, or something nice from the two humans i know on this wretched planet that might pull my heart out of the depths of hell this morning, sun glaring in my eye... fucking nothing. i get an automated message from fuckin' shaquataetae.

i fucking hate you. i fucking hate you. i'm surrounded by the worst of human scum, this is why i don't do fucking holidays, i fucking hate you all! your god won't show his fucking face, cause he knows i'll slit his fucking putrid goat throat. i fucking hate you.

i am the coming of a new age
stained we still stand tall
i am the coming of a new age
and i will never fall
i've seen the questions of a new time
seen but never heard
i've seen the comings of a new time

i wish to god i could slit my wrists this morning.
unfortunately, i've got something to live for.

i fucking hate you.

...
oh yeah, and yesterday morning, i tried to use the burger king bathroom. huge mistake. three people walked in on me because they can't lock their bathroom door. idiot number one and three was this braindead fucking scumpuke piece of shit, not a thought in his fucking skull mellon. just stands there staring at me. so i walk out of the bathroom, and start screaming at everyone in the burger king:

i guess there's no privacy anymore for people who can't afford to take a shit.

idiot behind the counter says in his drooly drooly fuckin' accent cause he can't speak fucking english! says 'get out'.

i said no, you should be proud of yourself, you can't even lock your bathroom door when i pay you a quarter everytime i go. high class!

then i look at all the idiots trying to eat their breakfast, and i say 'oh, i'm sorry, enjoy your breakfast, hopefully someday you'll figure out not to shit where you eat!'.

human fucking scum. fuck your holidays and fuck you with them. they've always been just an excuse to consume more. you fucking scum. what happens when we throw down the credit cards and products. what happens then? you can't afford to ask yourselves. you can't afford to see my perspective. hell, you can't even afford to give a shit about it. you must be so proud of yourselves. humanity can buy products and eat and shit and eat and shit and eat and shit and eat and shit. consume, consume, consume. i can see the word 'scum' in there. you make me fucking sick.

my standards are so much higher than yours, they don't even involve you.

...
aaand now we have christmas day. right around noon, i had a pleasant encounter with the security guard for the seven eleven. the short, fat, black, bald idiot with the sunglasses, i'll get a picture of him on here eventually. i was arguing with him because he was harassing another homeless lady, who's obviously out of her mind, and he was calling the cops on her, and that shit makes me sick, so i... well... my mind's fried. he kept harassing me, followed me into the seven eleven, and ended up pulling a knife on me... i hate all these terms so much, i hate even having to say this shit, i sound like a barbaric neanderthal myself, makes me fucking sick. they have no clue or care what ptsd is, or what nonviolent people... i cannot wait to have my religion behind me with these moronic fucks. i cannot wait for the day, when they figure it out. if only there were a god to pray to, please, lord. i wanted to tell him the line i had going for a while, 'see you on judgement day', but i didn't get the chance, but please, god, let it be soon. this man pulled a knife out of his pocket, inside a seven eleven, on christmas day, and he's the security guard!

it does give me pleasure at least, that it must really chap his ass that he can't do shit to me. i've been through this shit before, hell, half of it's here on my fuckin' blog, or facebook. i've taken these fuckers down before, i can call the cops on this asshole any fucking time i want, he's probly already fired, real fuckin' responsible behaviour, if his job's not already gone, i can take it any time... cause my mama taught me how, and they assume i'm stupid, and i haven't been through this shit before... god, what fucking morons. mom, they're still learning the hard way. can you believe this shit? too bad she can't email me an eta for armageddon. but the good news is, i made fortysix bucks, a swirl of people issues, triggers popped like a minefield... i'm gonna go get stoned. hope you have a wonderful christmas.

...
and again last night, still kept trying to fuck with me in the store. i'm taking his job. it's almost seven am, i say that's a good time to get started. he'll be fired by noon today, and that's right around the time i get free lunch. i realized last night, though... and i'll say this on stage. i'm going to use him to launch myself. he'll be the first head i step on, he won't be the last, and i will never apologize again. it's time to stop waiting around to meet people. it's time to get started on myself. in the next few days, i'll try to work on forming a daily routine that involved open mic every night, panhandling every day, at certain times, and keeping what cash i need to stay ahead of each day in my pocket and not going below that, and i need to find a better area of town, and email monique asap. thanks, mom.