the ugliest heart

i used to think i was worth something. i've got no one i can tell, how sick of money i am. i've got no god to pray to, to get me out of this nightmare. the fact that ladies only want money. that's all they want out of a man these days. i saw a poll on naked news. they asked women what they looked for in a man. they all said the same fucking thing. job and a shower. you fucking make me sick, ladies. you've sold your soul to the products in the windows, you make me ashamed to be a part of this insanity, this chaos. you make me feel repulsive, disgusted with myself.

and security guards. you know there's absolutely no excuse for your existence, don't you? i know exactly how in denial you are of that factoid. thinking you can tell me what to do, what not to do. you love to use the word 'can't' way too much, and that makes me fucking sick. why can't i sit here? what am i hurting? it's a sunday, and it's a mothers day, and my mom just died, i'm homeless, i've got no family, nowhere to go, but you can't afford to have a heart when i'm trying to stay out of the wind. no, sir, you should be ashamed of yourself. there's nothing natural about you. there's no excuse for you. you are scum, and someday soon, i will make you know that. you couldn't admit anything to yourself if you were human. why can't i sit here? there's no one here, what am i hurting, who am i bothering, why can't i sit here? have i not paid you enough already? so let me get this straight, rich people can sit there, but poor people can't? and you don't think there's anything wrong with that. you disgust me. how the fuck can you claim yourself a human. you're a sickening creature. profiling, discrimination, prejudice, hateful heartlessness, no justice, no compassion, no sympathy, that's the product you've sold, and it's made everyone apathetic and paranoid, so that poor people have nowhere to go, thank you for that. did anyone ever get a chance to thank you for that? well i am. thank you for that. that was really nice of you. thinking you own all the concrete, and telling homeless people they can't sit there, i'd love to hear your excuse, how you justify yourself, and i'd give anything to shove it right up your ass. one of these days, someone has to prove you wrong. but you think you're always right. fuck security guards. fuck every single one of you, you make me fucking sick.

there's no one i can tell.
there's no one i can confide in.
there's no one i can depend on.
there's no one i can trust.
there's no one i can rely on.
out of seven billion humans...
not a one of you care about shit.

i could prove it to you, but why would you listen?

stop selling me your god, i'm fed up with that product of yours, it's a lie, and you refuse to let it go.
it's an outright fucking lie, and you need to grow the fuck up and admit that.

no god i can pray to.

if you still think there's a god up there...
and you still want to convince me of that...
then answer me this one question as honestly as you can...
why hasn't your god returned my eighty billion voice mails?
am i not worthy of asking for a favour from your god?
is it because i can't afford it, or i'm just not worth it?
come on, what cheap excuse are you going to fire back at me...
thinking it's the first time you've gotten that smart in this argument...
not realizing i've been through reruns of this debate for aeons.

even your god is asking you, what the fuck is wrong with you?
or maybe that's why he finally shot himself...

but why am i left pondering my way out of your mistakes and regrets.
why am i having to do so with absolutely nothing and no help.
you can't answer any of these questions, i know you can't.
you can't afford to understand what the fuck i'm talking about.
but i'm the poor person here.

i have value, i have worth, i have iq standards...
what do you have, dollar bills?
you will never fucking understand this, will you?
i could explain it to you till the end of time.
why should you care, you can't afford to care.
you create too many enemies, and still justify yourself.

what words have i not put this into yet?
cause not one human has read my blog yet.
so i'm truly curious, what have i not said.

i will succeed.
i will take your riches and luxury from you.
someone has to.
someone has to tell you how wrong you are.
how heartless and inhuman you are.

i shouldn't be the one who's disgusted with myself.
i'm not the one i should be hating.

if everyone's going to hate you, as long as you love yourself, that's all that matters.
if you were cut down to one choice; whether to hate yourself, or hate humanity, which would you choose?

'if i can't be loved, then i'll be hated'.
'it's better to be hated for who you are, then loved for who you're not'.

enemies.
two sides of one coin.
no resolution.

i'm fed up with your world.
it's not fair, no matter how you excuse it.
i'm not enjoying this life at all.
the more cars you drive...
the more luxury you live in...
the more you ignore me...

the quicker you'll get sucked in to that black hole of hell you created.

i fucking hate myself.
but i loathe you more.

i wish i could finish this, but i just got noticed by female eyes... with cool lipstick.