hopeless

i hate my life so much. i'm so sick of being so alone. so ignored. so rejected. so alienated, isolated. i don't even have the courage to talk to females anymore. every time i've asked in the last three years, the answer has been no. i really don't understand why one of them can't just say yes. to anything.

it just proves to me, that all they want is a free ride. they want money more than you.

they're more concerned with 'what they get', than you. 'what do i get out of it'.

they're more concerned with money and products and consumption, than their fellow human.

which coats this world in such a cold plastic hatred. fake.

what do i have to do to just be touched. to have a lady spend a day with me.

what do i have to be worth, to get a lady to approach me. why the fuck don't they care.

why can't i find just one female who does care. does it have to be this cold.

i keep seeing all this 'wild feminist' bullshit, 'pussy power', and 'the future is female'.

my future isn't female. my future is lonely, hopeless, miserable. empty. and fuck your wild feminist horseshit. it's just more of an excuse for you to wear less clothing, while i have to cover my ugly ass and keep it from the cops like a fucking fugitive. in a town where public nudity is legal, by the way.

i've been wanting to take a picture... though, another thing i can't do alone. and finding anyone to help me, who isn't that offended by my ugly ass... fuck it, i can't even conceive a thought anymore without getting immediately hopeless. what the fuck is the point.

get a sharpie and write 'it's not fair that you're hot and i'm not' on my butt cheeks, take a picture of it, post it on instagram. keep doing those. bring up every point of why it's not fair that women get everything they want, and men are fucking prisoners in their own minds because of you fucking loveless, excuse driven, coward women. every excuse in the book to not touch me.

ladies, i get why you hate men. but it's not my fault you had to choose the worst douchebags on the planet to date, and then subsequently blame me for their crimes.

so if they're going to start doing their 'wild feminist' bullshit, i'm just going to start being a warhead misogynist. you cunts want to spread hatred instead of love, fine. just make sure you haven't underestimated your enemy. all i was asking for, this whole time, was love.

you couldn't be bothered. i had to be painfully alone this whole time.

and the most you can care is to look like 'it's not my problem', and walk away.

it's not fair that you get to wear skintight clothing, and i have to hide my ugliness.
it's not fair that you get to be called beautiful, paid for your lack of clothing.
it's not fair that if you're naked, it's beautiful, if i get naked, it's a crime.
it's not fair that you get everything you want, you get your way, and still bitch.
you still want more. you want 'equality', and you don't even know what that is.
and you certainly don't know what you're getting yourself into, asking for equality with something as disgusting and disturbing and sick and dark and evil as us.

i don't think it's equality you want.

i honestly think it's just that you want your own share of your own side of this pie.

that's fair. that would be completely reasonable to ask. in fact, i'm one of the few men who's appalled you haven't already had it. half of this earth should be yours.

but stop setting foot in my side, and demanding that i accommodate you. this is male territory, sweetie. there's blood here, shit over there, piss over here, cum over there... you sure you wanna be here? that's why we go to your place, isn't it? cause you're the neat freak? your place is always clean enough to brag about?

all that's on my side of this room, is pain.

and it's too much to ask for a female to help.

i would have donated myself in so many ways. to anyone. male or female.

if anyone wanted me.

i'm nothing like any of you.
i have no fears.
i have no excuses.
i have no inhibitions.
i yearn to be touched.
especially by strangers.

i like metal.
i like science.
i like comedy.

i don't like coffee.
i don't like alcohol.

there are so many things about this world i hate. so many things that are too popular.

like people who walk their dogs. how many people have to have dogs? i'm cat people.
or people who think flesh is a crime.
people who think flesh is a crime, but won't get drug addicts off their streets.
you're so quick to narc out a nudist, but leave those methheads to destroy the city.

i hope your hypocrisy chokes on itself. i really do.
i hope your cold hatred goes out of style soon.
i hope your fearful excuses have planned obsolescence.

i hope you get to feel this loneliness and rejection someday.
i hope you get to feel everything i feel.

i think about killing myself every night. every morning.
every time i look at a female.

you're so busy worrying about what you get...

that i've been counting the suicides you're responsible for.

all the broken, empty hearts. the tears. the nights.

all we're asking, is that you spread love around.
all we're asking, is that you stop fucking rich douchebags.
all we're asking, is that you find the lonely dudes.
all we're asking, is that you overlook our issues.
all we're asking, is that you heal our wounds.
all we're asking, is that you seek out guys who have been single for more than a year.

is that too much to ask?
is that too hard for you to do?
is that gonna cost you too much money?

i know you don't 'owe me anything'...

but what about the fact that my life was completely destroyed by a female.

a female who claimed no responsibility for the bombing of my life, unlike terrorists.

but not a fucking one of you can be human enough to pick up someone else's pieces.

after i left the mother of my children, with the wreckage of my life, i helped heal the love of my life, i helped heal her life, because she had just walked out of a childhood of torture and confusion. so i helped heal her life, her heart, her outlook on life. as untainted by this corrupt world as she was.

but after i lost her, i just got more pain. added on, layered over, suffocated.

yeah, those guys you dated were douchebags.

but when i look back on all the buildings... all the airplanes... all the beds, chairs, and stores we've built. and that none of that matters to you. you take it for granted. that store's just supposed to be here, don't bother thanking the person responsible for putting it here.

you women take everything for granted.
then you accuse us of the same.

we don't take shit for granted. you wanna know how i know that?

we still pay for prostitutes.

when the fuck have you paid for sex? you say no more than you offer payment.

i just don't deserve your attention, do i, ladies? i'm too much of an asshole, there are too many unknown variables, too many excuses, too many things to fear, too many reasons to not trust me, and too many reasons to walk away without even giving an effort to get to know me. because that douchebag you're with now is just so awesome. in his flipflops and shorts.

while you're taking comfort in being a dime a dozen...

i'm completely alienated trying to build something original and unique to get us out of this loveless mess you've put us in. this nightmare that couldn't possibly be your doing.

no, ladies are never to blame for anything. especially goatroach (aka: the mother of my children, aka: the gaping black whore hole i pulled my children out of, aka: the path of disaster that holds half my life).

i only got a year and a half with the love of my life, a young, brave woman who looked into my eyes with fascination. who loved my smell and my dirty hands.

she didn't need an excuse to not love me.

how many more days do i have to ache through?
how much longer do i have to be completely invisible?
how much longer must i be clothed alone?
how much longer till i find a female willing to go to a nude beach with me?
how much longer must i hurt?

ladies... i really didn't think i was asking that much.
it wasn't till you said 'women don't owe you anything' that i realized your intention.

i'm not even sure you're aware of your intention, the path you're driving toward.

but it's not love. it's just more separation, segregation, degradation, seclusion, and excuses to hate, fear, and close off. instead of taking your clothes off.

as if we needed more of that. don't you think men have already promoted that enough?

diversity is just a better synonym for 'pieces of a puzzle falling apart'.
i don't have much faith in diversity.
uncontrolled, immature, egotistical diversity is what made me.
just so you can reject me for being what i have to be.

i'm not asking for war.
i'm not asking for money.
i'm not asking for your house.
i'm not asking for your valuables.
i'm not asking for your excuses.
i'm not asking for hatred.
i'm not asking to be ignored.
i'm not asking to be rejected like it's fun.
i'm not asking for all the gold in the world.
i'm not asking for shit you can't give.

i'm just asking for a little love. a little physical contact.
someone to cuddle with at night, watch a movie with.
someone to watch my stuff when i have to leave it.
so i don't have to drag this stupid case around with me.
it's bad enough i'm dragging a corpse through the streets with me.
it's bad enough i'm a turd on toothpicks.

it's bad enough that i'm of no value or use to you.

but i don't think love is too much to ask for. nor should it ever have been.

i'm not asking for control of the world.
i'm not asking for the codes to your bank account.

i'm just asking for a little love.