removed from dot com

i wish people would stop implying that this is all my fault. read my blog at least before you judge. you're not helping the situation. as far as homelessness, something drastic and radical must be done, because politicians are greedy pussies. as far as my personal story, it's been online this whole time. i'm not as stupid as i look. stop assuming i don't already know this shit. and stop trying to convert me to the way society thinks. i'm homeless for a reason, i've disconnected from your society for a reason, possibly because it sucks, it's not as great as it looks, the american dream is obviously an unhealthy delusion, and i'm the walking, living, breathing fuckin' proof, so knock it off. i just might understand a little more about this shit than you do, did you ever consider that, are you even capable? what you don't know about me could swallow this solar system. for starters, i hate small talk and talking about the past. i hate hiphop lingo, and being called bro. had some illiterate, uneducated, low tech douchebag pass by me yesterday, i tried to stuff some knowledge in his brain, and at one point said 'it's not my fault i can't find a sober homeless female, it's not my fault i can't find genuine metalheads among the clones', and he says 'no, i need to put you in check, bro, it is your fault'. yeah, thanks, asshole. take a good look at society before you judge me. i am not your fucking scapegoat, and you need to get that through your thick fucking consumer skulls. you're misled by products, it's as simple as that. if you haven't seen zeitgeist, then you don't know what you're talking about, thus you should shut the fuck up. if you haven't seen dmt: the spirit molecule, then you don't know what you're talking about, and you should shut your fucking mouth. if you haven't seen american drug war: the last white hope, then you should shut the fuck up already! your knowledge is not king! your perspective does not rule! shut the fuck up! your world is not the only world to live in on this fucking round planet! how many people have to tell you and let you kill them for it before you start to fucking listen? the fact that you don't even know what i'm talking about says it all loud and clear, but you're not listening! and why should you, it's not your responsibility to! you're free and clear because your god gave you free will! here's your get out of jail free card, now move the fuck on! i'm sorry if i have intellectual standards that you do not. i'm sorry if my knowledge isn't compatible with a selfish, fearful, excuse driven monetary society. i've told countless people on my travels, the jiddu krishnamurti quote, 'it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society'. ninety percent of you, your eyes glazed over in befuddlement. you want better statistics than that, then read a fucking book! it's not my fault you don't know this shit. i've tried to spread the message. word of mouth only works when people know you. you all have more excuses to not get to know me, than you do to make the time and muster the effort to read my fucking blog! my blog's gotten two comments so far! one from aze, who i talk to at support groups, and one from amiga debbie, who feeds homeless people under the bridge downtown every fuckin' sunday. yeah, great effort, seattle. oh, but it's all my fault, right? why, cause i can't make you click a fuckin' button? i can't make you spell evolution right? what? my mother would be saying the same fucking thing right now. always having to defend ourselves against pinhole perspectives. i'd sympathize with the watermelon, not the straw, hell, i was born five weeks late, i was obviously reluctant to join your little finger pointing party here. ever since i was a kid, standing next to my mom and her hot rod nova, and these douchebag, gruntknuckle fuckin' males would walk up, 'is that your daddy's car? is that your brother's car? is that your boyfriend's car? is that your husband's car?', she'd say 'no, it's mine, i built it', and they'd have an aneurysm. do you guys think that's cool, or what, cause i never quite got it, but you never quite got why i didn't want to be you, so i guess we're even. i'm nothing at all like you. i don't follow your orders, i don't scrub your fuckin' floors for you, i'm not that guy. you want that guy, i guarantee you, he's got shorter hair, and he's probably wearing fuckin' flipflops. he's a nametag toetag pricetag hashtag douchebag, give him a dollar, watch him dance. pull his string, he'll blow you, whatever you want. i'm not even on his side of the fuckin' room! and i'm certainly not your fucking bro! i'm an only child and my mother's dead! i'm not your fucking brother! i'm not your brodawgniggahomie! you need to get that through your thick fucking skulls and stop calling me that shit! i despise that whole 'brotherhood' mentality, i truly do! in a deep dark way! i hate my fucking family! i lost my two kids! i'm not the guy you wanna fuck with! grow the fuck up! pull up your fucking pants, stop asking me for drugs, and stop pissing on the fucking seat! i really want to do a fucking socioscientific study to find out why so many men have to keep approaching me and calling me bro, but women just don't approach me. i'm aching to know why. what is it in society's unconscious psychology that makes them this way? and all the pseudospiritual twits saying 'just ask the universe, it'll give you what you need', yeah, bullshit, still single! then dana says 'you're asking to be codependant', no, i'm asking for a female friend, and that's not too much to ask, what's so fucking great about loneliness? what's so great about living in a world where every single female on this planet is waiting for you to get a job and a house before they decide to touch you? what the fuck does that say about you, and why are you so proud of it? and then morgan says 'it's because you are a sex addict', no, to be a sex addict, you have to have had too much. i think i'm intelligent enough, and unlike you enough, that i could have a life full of sex, sex all day every day with thousands of different people including elton john, and still not be an addict. has society forgotten that there's a difference between an addictive personality, and a nonaddictive one? have you forgotten that people don't have to be you? i'm sorry i'm not so damaged that i had to develop a crutch or an imaginary friend to cope with life, but then again, i'm not damaged enough to have an excuse to live outside your rules and structure and establishment and this is the way life is advertisements and this is the way life could be advertisements. you're all assuming i'm not applying myself. you're all assuming i'm not trying hard enough. at this point, i'm honestly sick of asking women for anything at all, i'm seriously starting to feel like a pervert spider trying to coax a female fly into my morbid little fuckin' web of loneliness, and all they can do is call me a downer cause i don't smile twenty four seven like plastic clones who listen to pop music, i'm sorry i'm not you, i'm sorry you're so prolific that i'm the last of my kind, i'm sorry i'm a fuckin' unicorn in the land of one eyed people where it's legal to point but illegal to make a point! that's not my fucking fault! i can't even make a point around you people, you condemn me, you persecute me, why! why the fuck do so many men stare at me like they want to stab me? why don't you try to answer that? if you think society is so civilized, why don't you take a crack at that one? if we're not still beasts in a jungle, according to you, then why does this cracked out douchebag have that 'imma shank me some cell meat' look in his eye? why is elliot rodger dead? if you could admit anything! the concrete point under your feet. you cannot get drugs off your streets. i'll repeat that. you cannot get drugs off your streets. i'm waiting for your retort. go ahead. what brilliantly belligerent words do you have for me at this moment, sir? two lessons my mother taught me. these are going to end up in a children's book someday. number one: it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're stupid, rather than open it and prove it. number two: think about what you're going to say before you say it. i'm sorry she never taught anyone else that, but again, how the fuck is that my fucking fault? why do i have to rant about this shit? why the fuck can't you stop already! grow the fuck up and get with it! there's no excuse why you can't get yourself a cheap smartphone from walmart, create a google account since you can't even 'member your last one, get on youtube and watch zeitgeist, before assuming you're more informed than i am! i could panhandle for a phone, and you still think yourself better than me. i've already bought two cheap smartphones for two other homeless douchebags, hoping they'd use the phone to educate themselves, and come back to me ready to help push a movement forward using anything besides raisin bran. do you see anyone standing next to me? male or female? and i need to be put in check, bro? the next mutherfucker to call me bro, my mother's telling me to kick you in the nuts, sorry, dude. it's not my fault you can't grow the fuck up and pull your pants up. it's not my fault you can't get off the drugs. it's not my fault you can't panhandle for education. but i've already got mine, don't need yours, thanks. praise the lowered. hail devin. kiss my black ass. first, you can figure out the reason i'm homeless. because then your apology will mean more. then, you can figure out how to be part of the solution, and not part of the problem. and you fuckers at operation sack lunch still wanna tell me i have no standards? what a coincidence, one of my standards is how about you get to know me before judging me. you can keep being a failure in my eyes, and seeing it the other way... or we can all be a success. i once got a ten dollar bill from a taco bell that had written on the back of it, 'when there are no thrones, we can all live like kings', with a big anarchy symbol drawn over the white house. that's the world i want to live in. you can keep thinking that i have to come closer to you and we can both remain alone and alienated, or you can meet me in utopia and realize there was never any reason to bitch about anything. we were just teething. didn't someone once say that evolutionary adolescence can be painful in weird ways? did we forget that, or what?
i am sorry, society, that all you seem to want, is someone to cheer your satiated, opinionated ass up, and pay your way down the road, but i do not want the same thing you do, so you can stop assuming i do. you can stop using that reason to misunderstand what i am saying. you have to realize that your dollars are a solution to nothing. the only thing that's going to get us out of this, is knowledge. brave, bold, outside the box knowledge. i am the possessor of this knowledge because that's my job. my job is not your job, thus you don't possess this knowledge. are we getting it yet? good, now then, to get to the end of my point and completely lose you and scare you off as usual. and this is a very simple point, so please, pay attention. i think it ties everything together quite well. here it is. ready? drumroll. if you've never been homeless, how the fuck would you know what it's like? you act like you can conceive the reasons behind it, but you're just making an ass of yourself. i'm sorry. you should have left your erroneous assumptions in elementary school, and that's precisely why they should teach evolution in school... actually, that's why parents should teach their own fucking children themselves, but i can see the next twenty steps in your maturity ladder, so i won't push your envelop to painfully far yet. your perception needs the jaws of life and a bag of mushrooms. before you think you know what's going on in a homeless person's life, maybe you should stop spending money on your own satiating consumption and stuff something in your brain. how about that? can we just agree on that much for now? please? it's hard enough being told to move every couple hours, we don't need the constant reminders of what losers we are in your wonderful society, while you're simultaneously denying its very illness you're commenting on, like your regurgitative verbal offering is worth something. listen to 'imperium' by machine fucking head live, and then we can pretend to be friends.
on the other hand...
i'm worth being touched.
i am worth physical contact.
i am worth a female's eyes.
i am worth your attention.
if you'd choose to see my positive, rather than commenting on the negative, you might understand that metalheads appreciate the yin and the yang better than you, at the very least.
is it not the duty of one to recognize the worth in another, or is it more civilized to call everyone uncultured swine and walk about as if you're god?
when you phrase something to intentionally go over the neanderthal's head, it's like spelling out 'd o c t o r' in front of your child.
my talent is worth more than your bank.
i'm just waiting for you to realize it.
in fact, that was inherent in a panhandling sign i made in los angeles:
my pen vs your wallet.
if the pen is mightier than the sword,
then the brain is mightier than the wallet.
what is your knowledge worth?
if all you can do is stick a price tag in my face, you aren't worth shit to me.
is anyone getting that yet? earth to earth, come in major tom, hello?
just because you can't understand me doesn't mean you have the right to assume i don't understand you. if i call myself a collector of perspectives, that means you have to consider what that implies. does it not? you dismiss it like it's a bad froot loop. i'm sick of butting my head against the same age group, the same mentality, having to explain myself over and over again, because you just can't seem to grow the fuck up yet, it's twenty seventeen, and half the world is still one one drug or another.
here's a little... uh... piece of what i wanted to accomplish with my own religion. in case you can't scroll further down than this. i wanted to draw a very thick, bold, permanent line between psychedelic and psychotic states of mind. label, categorize, and identify the two. everything related to psychedelic is in its category, i.e. love, harmony, unity, acceptance, knowledge, maturity, you know, shit like that. hippie shit. and then, of course, everything opposite that is categorized in the psychotic category, i.e. hate, war, violence, weapons, money, drugs, religion, television, products, et fucking cetera. that's latin for 'and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and yes i fucking typed all that, i'm not lazy. i do need to trim my fingernails, though.
and leave it to a construction worker to call a writer lazy. right? isn't that the society we're so proud to live in? kill john lennon and build homes on burial grounds?
'the truth should not surprise, your homes were built on lies'... pantera.
just admit it already. i don't live in your world. the people i'm looking for have titanium balls, and their third eyes are really embarrassingly hard to hide. if that's not you, press one now, and you'll be redirected to fuckin' disneyworld. are we done?
this rant really shouldn't be here, but i'll move it later. it's eight am.