the impossibility of life

DOES EVERY LITTLE FUCKING THING I EVER TRY TO DO SERIOUSLY HAVE TO BE THIS FUCKING DIFFICULT!!! WHY!!! WHY, LORD, WHY!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS SHIT!!! I CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING!!! I'M CONSTANTLY FIGHTING WITH THIS BODY, CONSTANTLY FIGHTING WITH MY CRIPPLED FUCKING FINGERS THAT JUST WON'T DO WHAT I FUCKING ASK THEM NO MATTER WHAT!!! INANIMATE OBJECTS WON'T FUCKING COOPERATE WITH ME!!! ELECTRONICS WON'T DO WHAT I ASK ANYMORE!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! IT'S TOO MUCH TO ASK!!! IT JUST GETS MORE AND MORE DIFFICULT FOR ME TO LIVE ALONE!!! I CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING!!! I FEEL LIKE SUCH A CRIPPLE, A RETARD, A FUCKING INVALID!!! I CAN'T EVEN GET THIS FUCKING BODY TO COOPERATE OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF PAIN!!! MY NOSE WON'T STOP ITCHING AND LEAKING, MY EYES WON'T STOP GETTING HAIRS AND EYELASHES IN FRONT OF THEM, AND ITCHING, AND LEAKING, AND WATERING, AND SNOT GOOPERS!!! I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT, THIS STUPID PATHETIC FUCKING LIFE!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING CLUE HOW BADLY I WANT TO FUCKING DIE!!! I CANNOT WAIT TO LEAVE YOUR FUCKING SICK, SELFISH, PATHETIC FUCKING PLANET!!! I KNOW THERE ARE BETTER PLANETS OUT THERE, HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME THINK OTHERWISE!!! YOU FUCKING LOSERS!!! YOU FUCKING MORONS!!! YOU FUCKING IMBECILES!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! MY FUCKING ASS BURNS!!! MY BACK FEELS LIKE IT'S WELDED TO A FUCKING OIL DRILL!!! MY STOMACH IS IN SUCH A STATE OF DISASTER, I'M WONDERING WHEN IT'S GONNA KILL ME!!! DO YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HALF THIS SHIT!!! I'M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND, AND NO ONE GIVES A JOLLY RAINBOW GOATFUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!! I SHOULD NEVER HAVE DONE ALL THAT SHIT FOR YOU!!! KNOWING IT WOULD NEVER BE RECIPROCATED!!! AND I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKING MORON!!! IS THAT JUST HOW CONTAGIOUS YOUR IGNORANCE IS??? YOUR APATHY, YOUR COMPLACENCE, LIKE IT'S A MUTHERFUCKING PRODUCT!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! I HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD OF YOURS!!! IT'S DESIGNED FOR CHILDREN, NOT MATURITY!!! IT'S DESIGNED TO EXCUSE MORONS, RATHER THAN EVOLVE ANYTHING!!! I'M BEGGING FOR AN END TO THIS FUCKING HORRID NIGHTMARE!!! I ACHE FOR DEATH!!! THE END!!! TO FALL INTO THE ARMS OF DARKNESS, AND HAVE EVERY BIT OF THIS MISERABLE DREAM ERASED FROM MY FUCKING HEAD!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE IN A BODY LIKE THIS??? THE FUCK YOU DO, YOU DEFINE PERFECTION LIKE IT'S YOUR BUSINESS!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING CLUE HOW MUCH I DETEST AND DESPISE YOU!!! I LOATHE EVERY FUCKING BIT OF THIS DELUSION!!! EVERY GODDAMN MOMENT!!! EVERY EFFORT I TRY TO MAKE TO DO SOMETHING MYSELF, AND THE FACT THAT IT HAS TO BE THWARTED EVERY FUCKING TIME BY SOME MYSTERIOUS UNKNOWN EVIL FORCE BEHIND THE CRACKS IN YOUR REALITY!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!! MY FINGERS WON'T EVEN LET ME TYPE THIS RIGHT!!! I USED TO BE ABLE TO TYPE SEVENTY WORDS A FUCKING MINUTE!!! NOW MY FINGERS JUST STUMBLE OVER THE KEYS LIKE THE WORDS STUMBLE OVER MY TONGUE ON THE WAY OUT!!! WHAT THE FUCK FUCKING NIGHTMARE IS THIS!!! GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!! THIS BODY IS DYING!!! THIS IS A HELL I NEVER FUCKING DESERVED!!! I NEVER WANTED TO SHARE THIS EARTH WITH YOU!!! I NEVER ASKED FOR ANY OF THIS!!! I THOUGHT, HEY, WHILE I'M HERE, I MIGHT AS WELL HELP, AND OFFER A SOLUTION... BUT YOU DON'T WANT A SOLUTION, DO YOU??? YOU'RE TOO FUCKING IMMATURE AND STUBBORN TO WANT A SOLUTION TO SUCH A GREAT FUCKING LIFE, WHERE YOU GET TO DRIVE YOUR MERCEDES PAST THE BUMS ON THE STREET WITHOUT A FUCKING THOUGHT IN YOUR HEAD!!! AND WE'RE SUPPORTING YOU??? WE'RE HOLDING YOU ABOVE US FOR WHAT FUCKING REASON AGAIN??? I WANT THIS FUCKING PLANET ERADICATED!!! DESTROYED!!! THE WHOLE GODDAMN THING!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN FUCKING GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME BECAUSE I'M A METALHEAD, AND YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A COWARD TO GIVE MESHUGGAH A TRY!!! THESE WEAK PEOPLE ARE WHAT I HAVE TO CHOOSE FROM FOR FRIENDS??? HOW THE FUCK WOULD A GOD EXCUSE THIS??? AND WHY THE FUCK DO YOU STILL NEED A GOD!!! YOU FUCKING WEAKLINGS!!! YOU FUCKING COWARDS!!! I CAN'T FIND ONE FEMALE BRAVE ENOUGH TO TOUCH ME WITHOUT 'I HAVE TO GET TO KNOW YOU FIRST'. I CAN'T FIND ONE FEMALE CURIOUS ENOUGH TO STICK AROUND!!! I CAN'T BE APPROACHED BY A SINGLE MALE WHO'S NOT DRAGGING HIS PANTS ON THE FUCKING GROUND, ASKING ME FOR DRUGS, CALLING ME FUCKING BRO, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! PULL YOUR FUCKING PANTS UP!!! I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING BRO!!! IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS ENOUGH TO YOU BY THE FUCKING SKIRT I'M WEARING!!! YOU FUCKING MORON!!! KEEP SHOVING YOUR ASS IN MY FACE, I'M GONNA PROTEST BY WALKING AROUND NAKED, AND I CAN'T WAIT TO START!!! I WILL PROTEST EVERY STUPID FUCKING THING YOU DO!!! I SWEAR TO CHRIST!!! YOU'RE A HUMILIATION TO EVERYTHING GOOD ON THIS PLANET!!! YOU'RE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO ANYTHING DECENT!!! YOU'RE THE REASON ALIENS DON'T FUCKING LAND!!! YOU CHILDISH SACK OF SHIT!!! TRY LIVING MY LIFE FOR ONE FUCKING DAY!!! TRY BEING CAPTIVE IN THIS TURD ON TOOTHPICKS FOR JUST ONE FUCKING DAY, AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL!!! SEE IF IT DOESN'T SPARK A LITTLE MOTIVATION TO IMPROVE YOURSELF!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU AND I FUCKING HATE YOUR WORLD!!! I'VE NEVER HIT THE BACKSPACE KEY THIS FUCKING MUCH BEFORE!!! WHY CAN NOTHING GET BETTER!!! EVER!!! I GIVE UP EVERY NIGHT, EVERY MORNING, I BEG TO WAKE UP IN A BETTER WORLD, WITH NAKED PEOPLE WALKING AROUND!!! NOT ONE CREDIT CARD IN SIGHT!!! COULD I FUCKING TYPE PLEASE!!! HOW FUCKING HARD DOES IT HAVE TO BE!!! HOW FUCKING DIFFICULT DOES THIS SHIT HAVE TO BE!!! IT'S TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK TO JUST BE ABLE TO FUCKING TYPE SOMETHING!!! LET ALONE GETTING ANY FUCKING HELP WHATSOEVER FROM YOU FUCKING CRETINS!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING CLUE HOW MUCH I FUCKING HATE YOU!!! SURE, YOU GET THE EASY LIFE, GET YOUR STARBUCKS, NO PROBLEMS, AND GO ON WITH YOUR EMPTY, UNEDUCATED, MORON FUCKING LIFE, AND YOU JUST CAN'T AFFORD TO GIVE A FUCK!!! ABOUT ANYTHING BUT YOURSELF!!! SELFISH FUCKING DOUCHEBAGS!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL!!! I'M TRYING TO MAKE THIS LIFE A LITTLE BETTER, AND I RUN INTO THIS MUCH DIFFICULTY, AND GET NO FUCKING HELP, HELP IS TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK YOU FUCKS!!! YOU WORTHLESS, INCOMPETENT, LAZY, USELESS, WHINY COWARD FUCKS!!! ALL OF YOU!!! NOT A GODDAMN ONE OF YOU CAN GIVE A FUCK!!! NOT A GODFUCKING ONE OF YOU CAN HELP!!! DON'T EVER MAKE LIFE ANY EASIER, JUST MAKE IT A CLUSTERFUCKED WEB OF CONFUSION, CHAOS, AND DEVASTATION, CAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU FUCKING KNOW!!! GOD FORBID ANYONE COMES ALONE TRYING TO IMPROVE LIFE!!! DON'T GIVE THEM A FUCKING DIME, DON'T EVEN LOOK AT THEM, THEY'RE TOO FREAKY, AND YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A COWARD!!! LOOK THE OTHER WAY!!! I'M TOO FUCKING UGLY FOR YOU!!! MY BODY HAS TOO MANY PROBLEMS!!! YOU'D BE BETTER OFF RESCUING A THREE LEGGED DOG!!! DON'T EVER RESCUE ANOTHER FUCKING HUMAN!!! THAT'S JUST TOO INHUMANE AND ILLOGICAL, RIGHT??? HEY, THERE'S A GUY IN QUICKSAND, JUST STEP OVER HIM TO GET TO YOUR STARFUCKS!!! YOU GREEDY FUCKING CUNT!!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO LIVE ON THIS FUCKING PLANET IF YOU CAN'T EVEN THINK OF PART OF THE SOLUTION TO YOUR SELF RIGHTEOUS ASS!!! YOU MAKE ME FUCKING SICK!!! IT'S PROBLY WHY THIS BODY'S TRYING TO FUCKING KILL ME!!! BUT I'M STILL TOO REPULSIVE TO BE TOUCHED!!! TOO REPUGNANT TO BE NOTICED!!! TOO UGLY TO BE LOOKED AT!!! TOO HIDEOUS TO BE SEEN!!! DON'T BOTHER LOOKING AT ME, THAT WOULD BE TOO NICE, TOO HUMAN!!! I KNOW THAT CREDIT CARD UP YOUR ASS JUST HAS TO BE SPENT RIGHT NOW, BUT OF COURSE IT'S NOT CONTROLLING YOUR MIND, YOU KNOW WHY??? THERE'S NO FUCKING MIND TO CONTROL!!! YOU'RE A SLAVE!!! YOU'VE GIVEN YOURSELF OVER TO THE WAY SOCIETY WORKS, YOU'D BE MUCH MORE PROUD AND MUCH MORE USEFUL IF YOU WERE BRAVE ENOUGH TO THROW YOURSELF AGAINST THE GRAIN!!! BUT YOU'RE JUST A FOUR DOLLAR CREDIT CARD STARFUCKS DOUCHEBAG!!! THAT'S ALL YOU ARE!!! A PLASTIC FUCKING CARRYING CASE FOR YOUR CREDIT CARD!!! A MANNEQUIN WITH A BANK ACCOUNT!!! THAT'S ALL YOU'LL EVER BE!!! YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANYTHING BETTER!!! HOMELESS PEOPLE STILL HURT!!! BUT THE WORLD SHOULD CELEBRATE YOU, CAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING HUMAN!!! YOU'RE FAKE!!! YOU'RE FALSE!!! YOU'RE A FUCKIN' PHONY!!! I CAN PROVE IT ON A PIECE OF CARDBOARD!!! WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU SO GREAT!!! YOU LIVE ON A PLANET WITH HOMELESS PEOPLE!!! WHAT'S THERE TO BE PROUD OF??? THAT NEW MOVIE YOU MADE, OR THE BILLION DOLLARS YOU MADE OFF IT??? OH, AND BE SURE TO SUE THE SIX PEOPLE WHO GOT THAT FILM FOR FREE, ONLY TO WASTE TWO HOURS ON IT, CAUSE EVERYONE'S GOTTA PAY YOU EVERY DIME, YOU'VE CERTAINLY EARNED IT, YOU FUCKING TOXIC FART!!! SAYING YOU DESERVE EVERY DOLLAR, IS SAYING WE DON'T DESERVE SHIT!!! WE GET THE PRIVILEGE OF CELEBRATING YOUR SUPERIOR ASS!!! WE HAVE TO CARRY YOUR THRONE!!! YOU SICK FUCK!!! MEANWHILE THIS BODY'S FUCKING DYING!!! I'M IN MISERY!!! AGONY!!! SHIT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!!! I LIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR FUCKING PENNY!!! THE DARKSIDE OF YOUR MOON!!! THAT'S ALL I AM!!! I'M NOT DESERVING OF AN EASIER TIME!!! IT HAS TO BE THIS FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR ME!!! MY BODY TRYING TO CONTROL INANIMATE OBJECTS IS LIKE A FLY TRYING TO DRIVE YOUR ASS HOME!!! AND YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT I'M EVEN TALKING ABOUT!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE THE FUCKING EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH!!! IF ONLY I COULD SHOVE YOUR HEAD INTO THIS NIGHTMARE, AND REMOVE MY OWN, THE TABLES WOULD BE TURNED, LIFE WOULD BE FAIR, AND YOU WOULD NO LONGER BE THE PROBLEM PARADING ITSELF AS THE SOLUTION TO BE CELEBRATED!!!

i really don't want to exist anymore.
i'm really sick of waking up every morning.
this heart is just a fucking pathetic burden.