logical ladies wanted

i'm going to go ahead and be just brutally honest about what i'm looking for in my next partner. i'm basically looking for a pet, or a slave, or something of that nature. an assistant, an employee, whatever you want to call it. i know it's an offensive concept, but to me, it's what i really need at this point in my life. no more stress, i need someone who can do the job of loving me, because i've been told that's what it is, so why not be honest with myself about it, as well as my future partners. i think that's fair, and there has to be a fish in the sea who would actually want that. unless we have no individuality left from all those videogames. someone who can follow orders, although i hate that term. just do what i ask, that's all i ask. i don't want any more arguments with people i give my heart to. i want to choose the music and the movies, i keep a very clean living area, i'm organized, i don't like clutter or having too much stuff. i like a clean, minimal life, in a calm environment, and i'm tired of people ruining that. i want a life mate who has no trouble staying calm and clean, and living a simple life. i'm a collector of things, i like that to be appreciated. i love learning and reseaching all sorts of things, and i need my time to do that. it keeps my mind working well, and if you want my mind working well, i need my thinking time. i have recently been thru trauma that has damaged all of that, and i have lost everything in my life. i want to meet someone who not only can i rebuild with, but it's easy to do so, and i can enjoy it with someone who appreciates what i do. i do not live in the normal 'job' lifestyle, and never will, so if you want someone with a big wallet, keep moving. i have never liked money, so i try to avoid it at all costs, and live comfortably on what i have. i'm happy that way, and i want someone else who's happy that way. my ex always wanted candy from the corner store, munchies, and it drained me way too much, even with her money included. i've always been responsible with money and life, and i usually get accused of not being so by people who are obviously worse than i. and i'm syck of that. i want someone who motivates me and makes it easy for me to get far away from my idiot family this time. and not have to come back after i lose the girl and everything else of mine. i've always hated starting over, but this time i want to make it the best and last time i start over and rebuild. i will not lose another tv to a girl. it's not easy for me to buy a new life every time my heart gets broken. i also have never liked monogamy, but have never gotten the chance to step outside those bounds comfortably with someone who trusts me and won't develop jealousy issues that will cause arguments. my mistake with my ex, was that i couldn't just hold her and comfort her when she was angry, because i had been to overtraumatized as well.

i do not like being recommended movies or music, i like to search and discover my own, and impress people with what i've found. i've been told by many people, even exgirlfriends after we've split, that tell me as well as others, that i have an excellent, very sophisticated, high class taste in music. people should ask me what i like, not tell me what they like that i should listen to. i worked at a record store, chances are, i've already heard it, hearing it again will not change my mind about it. i also despise videogames, i'm tired of staring at the back of a lady's head for hours a day, and feeling less important to them than a stupid game. i devote all my time to you, i ask the same in return. i may stare at my computer for hours, but i don't get so stuck on it that i can't look away, because it's not an interactive game that needs me to keep pressing buttons and saying 'hold on' for five hours. 'just let me pass this level' twenty levels ago. those people don't deserve dates, in my opinion. unless they date eachother, then they deserve eachother. i want those people out of my life for good. people trying to corrupt my musical tastes are just as bad. i also do not watch television. i do watch netflix and the like, but mainly because i can choose what i see and cut the fat.

speaking of fat, i also do not want to date any more overweight women. i know it sounds disgustingly shallow, but if you knew my past, you'd understand. i wasted fifteen years of my life on big women, and while i have no issues with them friendshipwise, i do not want to be romantic with them anymore. my first real long term girlfriend, i spent six years with her, and then my next girlfriend, i spent about eight years on her, and then my last girlfriend, for a year and a half, was the thinnest, most beautiful woman i had ever been with, and i only got to be with her for a year and a half. i've always had a serious fascination with beautiful women. i've always wanted to touch them, and with the exception of my last girlfriend, have never ever gotten to touch one. she wasn't exactly a 'hardbody model', but i loved her softness and imperfections, to me she was perfect. but if she's gone, i want another woman who can not only fit in her shoes, but wear those shoes with style, rock those shoes. make my last girlfriend look like a beta version of what i could be lucky enuph to have. my last girlfriend often said i was hot, but i've never had that much in the looks department, but she also valued what i have in the brain department, which i think is my best feature.

even before i met my last girlfriend, i had been on some of the dating sites, and trying to be honest about my search for someone like me, and always get no responses or anything. i don't even get junk mail anymore, the internet is cold and sad for me. but i think if i were this honest, someone might actually read this. the line that i would end each of those dating site about me areas with, is 'lunatic fringe, i know you're out there'. i know you're out there somewhere, but how the hell do i find you. it should be easier to find someone online, but it's impossible, and i don't understand that. but i figure the girl i'm looking for, she's not going to be android addict who's never heard of spellcheck. she's not going to be a videogame addict. she's not going to have moron homie rapper friends she can't trust. okay, so what sites does that leave where i can find her. i'm not into anything popular, so i don't want her to be into anything popular either. i'd also like to say here, that if this wonderful lady lives somewhere else, i'd be willing to ship you out here to live with me, or ship myself out to where you are... basically relocation is possible, and at this point in my life, i think i could use a change like that. my mind breathes on big ideas, so i usually don't do the 'bill paying' priorities, and all that adult job world crap without a little help. i like to keep life simple and comfortable, and don't like overwhelming myself with too much stress. i've found a well functioning team, with organization skills, can usually handle these things quite well. i don't want the dramaville lifestyle anymore, with poor people constantly arguing about stupid things. i want a calm, stylish, high class lifestyle with people who never raise their voices. because if i'm going to attempt to have more children, i refuse to raise them in such a chaotic and confusing environment. it's not stable, and it's not a healthy way to learn common sense. i like common sense and logic.

i'm an evolutionist, an anarchist, and a dreamer. if you want to know more about me, do your research on those things. i'm a huge fan of wikipedia. and do not be misinformed, do not intentionally misunderstand something because of prior beliefs. alot of small minds are offended by those three concepts. i no longer waste my time on those people. i am no longer concerned with religion or government, i want to focus on bigger things. i want someone who can help me do that, and not keep me from it. someone who motivates me to think, instead of discouraging me. if you have an open mind, and make an actual attempt to learn about these things, you'll see the effort i usually put into a relationship. i want a person who is 'someone to know', because i think i am 'someone to know'. that commercial with 'the most interesting man in the world'... i think he's an alcoholic douchebag who needs a shave. and has bad taste in beer and everything else. i like mike's hard lemonade and margaritas. i've spent many years defining my tastes, i don't need someone trying to redefine them their way. just appreciate who i am, don't try to change me, just admire the changes i make on my own. sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's fascinating, but if i have a stressfree environment to think, i do quite well. i tend to get lazy in relationships after so long, so a gentle reminder once in a while, from a loving, caring, accepting, forgiving perspective is always welcome. that's a mistake i made with my last girlfriend, which i wholeheartedly regret. after my trauma, i tend to be overly wordy, i'm trying to work on that, i used to be rather professional. i plan to exceed that in the future. if you truly attempt to understand what makes me me, it will take alot of the stress out of it. do your research, i already have. i like people who actually do research, and don't procrastinate and put it off because of less important daily adult priority crap. my last girlfriend focused only on me, and it was like breathing oxygen for the first time. i've realized, i just can't be an equal part of the relationship anymore. i have to be the boss, or i just can't be happy. i know it's a dick thing to say, and i personally never wanted to be that asshole, but the glove fits, so i'll wear it with a little humility.

i have many regrets in my life, things i've done wrong, and things that i would love to do right if given the chance. i may never get the chance with anyone from my past, but i'm hoping people who can forgive my past, can let me have a brighter future, by believing that i can be something better than my past. encouraging me to be better, and not just telling me how much worse i am. i've been verbally beaten into a little boy by my family and friends for most of my life, and i want to break free from that cage for good. i want to succeed, so i can show them what they damaged. i'm really hoping this is honest and open enuph, and descriptive enuph, that someone will actually care enuph to read it, in this apathetic television world. i'm in the process of dreaming up a new community for people like me, so i need someone who has passion, compassion, imagination, drive, dreams, and all the ingredients i have. because if we're making a new recipe, we need the right mixture. i don't want another tantrum throwing drama queen. i want someone who is high style, honest, intelligent, and really doesn't care about the drama queen area of society. i'm looking for the john lennon types, the einstein fans out there. i know people like you have to have enuph courage to click the send button on this page, so if you're reading this, please, don't leave me in a dark world of silence and loneliness. come out of the woodwork and tell me you exist in a passionate voice. but still an inside voice.

if you're wondering how i plan to make my way to this high society lifestyle, i do have some ideas i'm working on right now, but it's not easy while i'm still rebuilding my life, but i do plan on making some computer software and other things. how would you like to walk into your house, and say the word 'elegant', and your computer puts on mood music and wallpapers and colours and adjusts the lighting, and all sorts of things that set the mood in your home, right when you ask for it. that's my idea, copyright fuck you, and it will happen soon. if that excites you, please, speak up, click some buttons on my page, let me know you're out there, because i've been looking for you for a long time. lunatic fringe, i know you're out there. and with my dreamer society, someday it will be easier to find eachother. please. don't let our dreams die with john lennon. he died two years after i was born. need i have waited two more years before coming here?