rainy sunday

slept okay last night, stayed dry, started raining this morning, i'm in starbucks for the day, but i've got one smoke left, minimal food, one bowl, and can't focus with all the pain, not even on the movie 'the dilemma', which i love and have been wanting to see again. just got the first email i've had since about six pm yesterday, and i usually get shitloads of automated crap. freecycle, meetup, shit like that, they send a lot of crap. i can't write too much right now, can't focus too much right now, zach is talking to me. he woke back up from his starbucks backpack nap. cops are crawling around a lot today. i'm sure it's set to rain all day, so i'll stay in here and try to get some movies watched. i store those little things in my arsenal of factoids. it'll be useful someday. there's more method behind this 'madness' than you're aware of, but there's no convincing you. i wish anyone could appreciate my verbage, but i have to create a fucking religion first. i don't think anyone's understanding my intentions, though. it's not 'everyone's' attention i want to get... it's whose. i picture peanut saying 'what's wahose?'. you know, my palm and forehead are engaged, thanks to you! we're having a june wedding, you're invited. i'm wondering how far you can take sarcasm before people take you too seriously, but at the same time, i know exactly, precisely how much sarcasm, because 'people'... therein lie the problem. people have no sense of humour. why do you think 'standup comedian' is still a job you can pick off the menu of life when you're fresh out of high school and dumb enough to not look higher up, but smart enough to not look down... that's about where you'll settle. comedian, rockstar, you know... less chains, more freedoms, looser life, better sleep, less 'responsibility' being tossed at you from people with no clue what responsibility actually is, but they preach about it constantly like they're selling a product or stuffing a fuckin' turkey. fragment thoughts make the mind skip. like going three days without an 'incident'. small minds cannot see big concepts, and that needs to be fucking advertised. hello, america! this is your television speaking! you're retarded and too stupid to know it! don't be proud of that! get off your ass and cut the coma cable membrane, take a brain breath, study something called trepanation, listen to a voice named michio kaku, and you might survive. lay there like a glob of mayonnaise, and... i don't know, did they find any mayonnaise in the landfills? how about volcanos? does it survive a nuclear holocaust? how's china? any condiments over there? ketchup? grey fuckin' poupon? anything? cockroaches? methheads? my grandmother aka satan? i'm not sure she's dead, i ain't seen no corpse. poke her with a stick. not that one, cleatus! but, if you look a little higher on the menu of life, you'll notice how it goes from 'the job section' to 'the career section' to 'the hobby section' to 'the collector section'. you notice, the higher two sections are actually not 'jobs' where you get paid to do what someone else tells you, and be proud of yourself for living in an apartment, thinking that separates you from the bum on the street in some way... well, yeah, above 'the collector section'... it still goes up. why do people pick a spot and stop? i'll rest here, i'm good here, y'all go on without me. knowledge never stops. the brain never stops absorbing. it does if you make bad choices and kill brain cells with bad drugs and try to be stupid like it's something to be proud of, but no, see, you can actually... i'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but... sorry to be the bearer of good news, but... you can choose differently. it doesn't matter what you saw on cnn last week. what matters, is that last week, you could have avoided cnn, but the good news is, there's another week infront of you. i guess someone needed to remind you of that. but anyway. the list goes up. the ladder, whatever you want to call it. there's 'the educator section', there's 'the dreamer section'... you can be any and all things, you don't even have to pick just one. yeah, like, duh, like, hello! mcfly! tee hee fuckin' hee! god, this isn't third grade mentality level, cause i have higher standards for third grade, too. humanity's mentality is at the snail stage, let's go ahead and be honest, we don't need to sugar coat this shit, they're all gonna die anyway, i can shoot first and ask questions later just like you, there's no stopping me from using your stupidity against you to open your eyes the painful way, it truly doesn't matter... so you know... you can relax, you're just my delusion in the first place, so i think i can find the words to stick your head to the fuckin' wall. have a little faith in the show here. but check this out. see, i can speak stupid, too, i can stoop down to your level, it just hurts my oxygen galaxy eater generator machine thing you call a brain, but ironically, don't know what that is either. it's okay, we're good, i like making people feel stupid, i enjoy it, it makes me feel smarter, cause i don't give a fuck what you think, you can diagnose me all you want, it only matters if i listen, but i'm too busy talking obviously, and the bad news for you is, i don't just 'love the sound of my own voice', i love the words this voice is saying, and i'm going to keep saying them till they sink in, so... let's get to business here, what are we talkin', another two thousand years till you get it? i bet i can speed that up. just a tad. anyway, getting way behind myself here. but yeah, so, you've got a ladder of knowledge here... most people don't even see it. it's not the one leading up to the television sky that's raining small talk into people's desert brains, no, that was built by some douchebag a couple thousand years ago, he thought he was doin' some babylon thing, but it turns out, he was just cracked cause his mother knew a little too much about freud, so... okay, yeah, focus here, come on. see, look up this way. it helps to close these two eyes, actually. see, you look up in this direction here... see that glowing pathway to the sky? see, these christian idiots are talking about some 'golden pathway to the sky'... somehow they use the same words, but cheapen the meaning by supporting it with a product, and they don't see the soullessness in that, i'm assuming based on logical deductions, that it's because they have no soul, but that's still debatable on the debate table. i don't know, i haven't been there in months, last time i was there, i saw a brain cell die. i felt a little ashamed, but i was the only one, so... you know... a little awkward, but i dress in that language, i was born with that tongue, and i can prove it because you don't even know what the fuck i'm talking about, you doubt me, you immediately try to debate me, because your opinion is already preformed, and you don't understand that... see, we're caught in your loop here. i'm about to, as a demonstration to you, break my way through it, like i usually do, before i suffocate my brain and kill a brain cell. see, it's very easy. i'm making my brain healthier right now just by getting this shit out of it, see. timothy leary said humanity doesn't understand the brain at all. i agree. sorry, but it's just my choice, see, you can't control my choice, you can only make your own, just as i cannot control your choice, i can only form my own. see how that works? so, figure this part out. if i make a choice based on logic, and you make a choice based on fear and paranoia... a: we've just made two different choices, and b: it's divided us. see, now you're standing over there, and telling me i'm insane. this is why i think i'm talking to mirrors in this world, you know, it's just logic that has informed me that these are just delusions in my brain, and my brain makes me think it's real, and that this concrete won't let me through that, but what you're not understanding, is that i can see through that concrete very easily, because i'm not looking at it with the same two eyes that you are looking at it with. see. choices. perspective. i see your perspective. you do not see mine, and i'm aware of that as well. see. you're getting lost here. i'm aware of that. i'm confusing the shit out of you, simply because... you might actually read this someday. intentions. i know yours. i have my own. divided through generations, how would you expect us to unite. i would like to say this and have it heard someday. if there was one band that every person on this earth could get behind, if there was one band who could unite us and bring us together... it would be tool.

aaahhh... i just got the most brilliant idea. haha. see how that happens? sorry, i gotta leave you here, you can hold your breath if you want, but i got something more important flowin' out of this fuckin' walnut shell here. sorry. finally unlocked another little nugget, gotta go plant it. or smoke it. enjoy.

ending january

god, i fucking hate everything. i really don't know what's happening with my mind anymore. i haven't been able to think to myself for weeks now. trying to have a friend keep me stoned leaves no self time. priorities, responsibilities, all this human shit that normal people deal with, and it does not translate to any of them that i don't like this shit. i sat here browsing google maps for about an hour, trying to find... i don't know. i forget what to look for. every time. i feel sick, my stomach is so fucked, i can't tell if i'm hungry anymore. i just ate a tuna sandwich, but i already feel empty and sick, i can't even tell if i need to use a restroom anymore, and trying to find the time to walk to one is just fucking stupid. i cannot stand people. sitting panhandling for two hours this morning, had ten incoherent idiots walk up to me asking me for cigarettes or drugs. is it too hard to make your own sign. is it not obvious to you that i have nothing, which is why i'm sitting here with my own signs. are these people really that stupid. and i'm really still this alone. will i ever be understood by anyone. i fucking hate everything i see. everything i'd like to do, is an impossible amount of mental calculations and physical stumbles, and then finding the motivation to walk up that hill alone again. i posted something on craigslist looking for a female friend, but they've all got better things to do, than notice me. which makes me fucking sick. am i the only one who thinks it's extremely unfair that men with jobs, and men with meth, they all have women, but i can't find a single lady who's not a drug addict, who doesn't automatically want something more from me than i'm able to give. or who doesn't want me to turn into a clone. people keep saying, basically these words in any form, but 'let me dress you up like a clone, so we can call you dave'. at least that's what it translates to, to me. no one wants me to be me, i'm not allowed to be me. and no one is ever going to find me interesting, so why am i still here. america doesn't find intellect interesting, they consume stupid shit, i don't know why i'm here. i'm not enjoying any of this, but trying to tell a fellow human is pointless. can i please meet someone else who finds that as retarded as i do? my mind doesn't want to think through this concrete anymore. i've seen my pathway out, but this first step, this first set of obstacles... i don't even know why i'm doing it alone, i don't see the point. but i am at least getting some fragmented thoughts in my head that are propelling me toward the open mic again, i'm asking zach to facebook monique mcfadden to help with that. but i can't seem to think anymore, unless i can get the slightest bit of inspiration, and it really only comes to me from females. the only type of men who inspire me are metalheads like robb flynn, the rest of these douchebag guys can fuck themselves for all i care, just stop fucking eachother and still calling yourselves men. but you can't call yourselves women either, cause that's false advertising, so... why do there have to be so many clones of so many different moronic types of people in this world, and so fucking many of them! floods of oceans of clones of morons to weed through to find any big brains observing this shit from a higher level! why! there's no god over this! i've seen google earth, and i played the original sim city when i was a kid, i see more than you. when i look at the earth, and cities on google maps, i see retardation and cancer. thinking, gee, why did they put apartments next to the freeway, that was stupid. they weren't thinking. and the fact that they sell this shit, and the prices of real estate and land and shit go up and down depending on how bad some other moron already fucked it up, i can't stand these people. what fucking world did i step into here, without being able to say a fucking thing about it or god forbid change a fucking thing. why do there have to be so many copies and duplicates of the same idiots walking around? why? we can't have just a few gay guys, we have to have a fucking plethora. a ridiculous flood of them. we can't have just one justin beiber wannabe idiot that the girls drool over with the douchebag shorts, douchebag haircut, douchebag tattoos, no, there have to be billions rolling off the assembly line and flooding the shelves of toy stores everywhere for each little clone to buy and pull the fuckin' string. why am i the only one who sees this, and if i'm not, why the fuck can't one of you voiceless fucks talk to me! let yourselves be known! you've had twenty years to find me online! but you're watching scragly ragflapper on youtube instead. maybe you're watching terence mckenna videos like i did, but you're not talking to me! i don't know what more i have to do! i've tried everything, i've tried posting comments on youtube to people, i've tried writing a blog for fifteen years, i've tried talking to real life mannequins in starfucks, not one of you mindless fucks is a fucking human! i'm surrounded by plastic delusions. there can't just be a few methheads, they have to be fucking everywhere! there can't be just a few rich assholes who ignore you, there have to be billions all jumping for the top spot of the elite to own and control everything, because world domination is still on the menu of what you'd like to be in life. no, i need to explain to these morons, cause they stare at me like i'm an alien speaking in hieroglyphs, but no, it's a very simple concept. see, that's something you can 'DO' in life. something you can 'BE' in life, that's different. you can be cool, you can be lame, you can be a dork, you can be a geek, you can be a nerd, you can be a rockstar, you can be a pioneer, you can be an inventor, or you can follow the product line like everyone else. you can be unique, or you can be dave. it's a shame so fucking many of you have to pick dave the idiot, the mindless, hostile, incoherent clone. the crackhead that stumbled into the meat grinder and somehow ended up on the assembly line, no, he's a birth defect, he's a fucking disfigured reject, but 'we have to be fair and let him exist', no, he's suffocating the oxygen tube for the rest of us, there's only so fair we have to be here, does that have to be pointed out? 'no, we have to be fair', fuck fair. if you can't fit a higher thought in your brain than money, concrete, and how those two work together, i'm tired of seeing so many of you! retardation is the norm! and i can't find a brain to talk to! and you see nothing wrong with that! and you don't think this planet needs another cleansing! last time it was the jews, this time it should be morons! anyone with an iq below one fifty! up the fucking standards, so i can have someone to talk to! that's too much to ask! i have to do every fucking step along that path my mutherfucking self, without even so much as a warm, soft tit to cuddle with, let alone a smile to make mine bigger. don't go gutter on me. actually, it doesn't matter if you do, i intended all of the above. i fucking hate people. i cannot attract positive people toward me. i held carol's crystal in my hand for two weeks, begging for something better to approach me. preferably something female. i'm the most ignored man on this planet, and i'm not a drug addict, nor am i a slave, but that's all you ladies fucking seem to want! one end of the loser spectrum, or the other! here i am, stuck in the middle with fucking no one! this is nice, thank you world for being so nice and caring and enjoyable, i can see why tourists from other planets come here often! you make it so welcoming for someone to want to stay here! you have so much concrete here, but such limited places to sleep inside that concrete, and you think that's logical, and if i try to tell you otherwise, you silence me, ignore me, throw me in jail, and kill me. but i'm still here, i'm still dreaming, and i'm still preaching a better future than anything you can think of. how i get your audience's attention is confusing right now, but i assure you, i'll figure it out like i have everything else up to this point. i will cut a path through your concrete, to find the heart of this earth, and bring hope back to the surface of this lie. i fucking hate you. i hate everything of yours. i don't even want to make a list anymore, but i have to, in order to see if a lady is meeting my checklist of requirements, but invariably, they only ever get up to two or three on the list before disappearing or running away scared because other idiots have given me a bad image, and that's what i'm trying to fucking fix! it would be nice to do it with a friend who has a little faith in me! i have to fucking say this shit!!! no one else finds that retarded!!! there's no one i can tell that to!!! why the fuck am i here!!!

so thank you, humanity. i've really enjoyed your planet of horrors. it's great if you're going for the whole 'hey, my planet is the haunted house behind the uhaul galaxy' thing, but this could be a place where people come to have fun, without looking like another tourist hub with bright lights, fast food, and douchebags. i hate you. i fucking hate you. how many years from now will we actually start planning on who we'd like to have show up here? we've had all the school and launch setup capabilities we could dream of for a while, but instead, you pamper and shelter your children, telling them no instead of yes, they don't learn that way! they don't learn shit! how many of those pampered spoiled rich kids in those fucking montessori schools have actually done anything brilliant with their lives, and not just lived off your fucking dollar! or spent their whole lives walking through glitter and being applauded for 'i made that movie', 'i'm an artist, you should bow at my feet'. fuck you. you've had your time, and you've done nothing with it except wallow in fucking grey poupon! while trash is growing thumbs out your door! you couldn't have a fucking care!!! you sicken me, when is your end, when do you die, when will this earth have had enough of you shitting all over it! when will god show his fucking face and shout from the skies what a goatfuck you've been! you're waiting for judgement day, thinking you'll be the one who did nothing wrong. you'll be the one who gets in first, so you can piss down on all the rest. heaven is set up just for people like you. i just think the welcome sign was misspelled a little, that's all. that's your redemption. the afterlife. yeah, don't worry about what you fuck up today, just let a nonexistent god sort it out. i cannot chisel my way into your fucking brain!!! what do i have to say, what do i have to do, who do i have to be! is it possible to change anything in this fucking world! you wallow in stagnance and selfworship, fear of evolving, and you've clusterfucked this concrete for so long, that i can't get out of it! i could blame you for that, but i'd rather see your end, and appreciate the new possibilities that are too big for your brain! like breathing in a world of crisp new oxygen, i can't fucking wait. you can't even get a little organization behind terrorism, which tells me it's all created by you in the first place. you really have trouble keeping yourself occupied, don't you? you have to get creative in your little playskool kitchen laboratory mentality. how fucking sad. i can't wait to invent something better than you and your unchanging world of fear and products. you can't see that we're all just separated by choices. 'buy pepsi so you can have a reason to fear coke'. you invest everything in your children, breeding without a path or a choice, no design whatsoever, cause 'god will guide us'. that mentality has gotten you two thousand years worth of nowhere! and you can't see it! yeah, great, you have movies and google, is that the best you can do? facebook? wow, i'm so impressed, i'm drooling in my snores! you invest billions of dollars in movies. why? you invest no money in space exploration. why? you invest no money in education, yet you take your children to these sheltered school, and i never see their names in the movie credits, so i don't see what's going on here, i see minimal evolutionary progress, all i see is you being proud of yourself for making a movie, and that movie sucked. i guarantee you i can make something better. i can raise a better kid than you, with less money. i can make a better point than you with fewer words. i can make more progress than you with less time. that's called evolution. it's like you're driving down a freeway, and see that rocket come flying past you. bulldozer. whatever blur it was. if you had invented this shit before me, i wouldn't be bitching, would i? hell, i could make a better piece of art than you, and i already have. so why your art is getting more attention than mine... yeah, i smell plastic pride. i smell turds. i smell satan at work. you have to realize, you have to grow the fuck up and realize, there's no one to blame but you. i'm not even wasting time blaming you, that's your god's job. i'm not climbing to the top of your pyramid of delusion. i just want to see it be destroyed. gone. dust. smoke. i want to breathe the next morning. you have to realize, there is no god being responsible for you, there's no devil tempting you with idiocy, these are all your choices, and in the eyes of evolution, your choices are horrid! because you excuse it with a god who can fix it later, what, do you think god's sitting up there in heaven with a fuckin' box of bandaids?! what the fuck are you thinking! what the fuck is wrong with your underevolved brain! as a scientist, i'm curious, i need to know how retarded the missing link was, how hostile was the neanderthal, what are we as a consciously awakening species going to have to defeat in order to exist? and how will we have to defeat it? hopefully without violence. i can't wait to hear someone besides me say these words: 'we never fought them, we just outthought them'. but no, it will never happen because that thought was written by me. which tells me, i never have to worry about people copyright infringing me, no one has the balls to think of the shit i say. thanks. likeminded people, my saggy black ass. where are they? when are they? that's mostly what's guided me most my life, under this empty sky. whatever i think, the opposite happens. because i'm logical, and you're not. so if i'm sitting there begging the skies to have a lady walk up to me, hand me five bucks, and say 'today doesn't suck, it just has yet to get better'... i know it's never going to happen. see? now, all you have to figure out, is how far i've followed that path, for how long, and what little trinkets of wrong have i picked up along the way. i'm saving them for judgement day. i've already got my fuckin' ticket, and i burned the receipt. let's go here, popcorn's getting cold, and so is your god! have they done the autopsy yet, or are you still in the denial stage? did you get stuck? do you need some help, can i pull you out, here, grab my hand!

no one will ever say that to me. because i thought it. likeminded people do not exist. they're either clones, or... not me. no one's mind is like mine. i know a few who are, but trying to find them is just as retarded. otep shamaya, yeah, where does she live in secrecy? where does robb flynn hide? i don't fucking see any of them walking the same streets i have, so how do they know what i know? where are their paths? the only famous person i've recognized so far is andy dick. andy fucking dick. the most recognizable chin on this planet, andy fucking dick! he's more recognizable than jay leno and doctor phil combined. that's who i get. that's, hey, and when i was a kid, my mama told me we met ricky how the fuck do you spell shroeder in a restaurant in los angeles, but i don't even remember the spinning mirror room from disneyland anymore. but that's the people i get. plastic clone losers, duplicated humans, stamped molds of what some idiot thought we were supposed to be two thousand years ago! it's two pm, i gotta go panhandle. i need food. i'm sick of people. can one person please approach me today with a little kindness. i have no god i can ask, so i'm asking my blog. it responds even less.

evolutionism

more fragment ideas for the religion. it's the obvious answer to religions. if everyone else can have these morbid religions, why can't i have one based on common sense, logic, love, and the search for truth. why can't a religion be designed the way one should be.

logic is our god. our direction is fearlessly forward. utopia is where we live, and what we build. unity is what we work to achieve.

whatever product, service, or talent you have, that you would like to sell... the price they have to pay for it, if they want it that bad... whether it's sex, music, weed, whatever... we don't take visa. we don't accept cash... they have to become an evolutionist. you can be standing on a street corner, some guy in a suit and tie drives up and asks how much... you cost... well, sir, you can fuck me, but i'm an evolutionist. if you really want to fuck me that bad, you have to become an evolutionist. what does that mean? means you have to leave your life behind, come with me to the land of logic, and never look back. he'll either drive away, or he'll be curious. if he's curious to make it through all the levels, he's an evolutionist. if he's scared to lose his bible, he goes back home with no pussy. well, depending on how you'd like to look at it. but the cost is not cash, it's a choice. you be a responsible human, or you stay in your little hole of fear and hatred forever. it's your choice. what else do you have for sale? i have this wonderful album i made, here's a free sample, listen to this. like it? wanna buy it? yeah, how much is it? you ever hear of evolution? thumbs, logic, and clues? being responsible for yourself? here, here's a pamphlet. save yourself from the lord! get a clue! sprout thumbs and logic glands! you're healed of delusion, my son! now you're a human! you've officially evolved from neanderthal, or homosapien, or whichever one was last. what was lucy? ever seen that movie?

a religion based on truth, or at least the search for. how could that be a bad thing. a religion based on nonviolence. peace, love, harmony, unity. actual forgiveness, acceptance, sympathy, compassion, not apathy, hatred, seclusion, fear, and the family mentality.

fuck marriage. fuck products. fuck monetary status. fuck societal socializing and everything to do with it. like paying upwards of a hundred bucks for a steak to eat with your wife among other quiet strangers. walking to starbucks every morning with your dog on a leash, leaving him outside, socially drinking coffee, smoking outside, even in the rain, going back in, using your thumb device on wifi. playing violent zombie videogames, and then walking out into the world like a brainless zombie fresh off the assembly line.

can i get all the people together, who hate videogames, rap music, religion, and bad drugs, please? can we all come together for a moment? those of us who like to think for ourselves? can we congregate?

i appreciate a good song. i appreciate a good movie. but i don't think entertainment is the final stage of human evolution. i think it's what's keeping us from evolving. from figuring out what else we can do in life.

i'm so sick of consumers, clones, credit cards, cops, concrete, plastic, products, pets on leashes, zombie videogames, drug addicts, and bibles being thrown in my face every day, fingers being poked into my chest every day, words being raped into my ear every day, especially the opinionated ones based on fear, tradition, superstition, paranoia. opinions. beliefs. paranoid people fearing eachother, and using a bible to bring them together, if they can do that, why can't i?

they flood their streets with drugs, then preach about jesus in the garden of temptation. lord save us from these heathens. they either convert you, or they hate you. they use a god in the sky as an excuse to act irresponsibly in this life, while saying otherwise, because they do not have a reason to act responsible for their own actions, but then they project that onto us, make us their scapegoat, blame us for that exact thing, calling us irresponsible for simply not believing what they believe. they take your money, and sell you their lie. an excuse to act like an asshole and hate eachother, even though they wear the same shaped jewelry. for two thousand years now. waiting for the sequel to their sad little movie about violence, abuse, torture, death, living in the past, holding regrets and grudges. it's been two thousand years. their god has never shown his face since the burning bush. delusions that can no longer be proven. from people they never knew and have no reason to trust other than blind ignorance and faith in tradition.

i say let's step away from talking about yesterday. fuck tradition, fuck superstition, fuck violence, fuck hatred, fuck fear.

let's stop having a reason to fear shit. let's stop having anything to fear. let's have no reason to fear anything. why be afraid of something. why be afraid of what you don't know. why not be curious. why not be fearless. why not charge into the future, knowing only forward, and not reverse. why not step out of the cave, finally, once and for all, and be brave. why the fuck not?

because there's a god in the sky that might punish you? yeah, i think we've figured that one out by now.
because there's a government telling you not to break a law that might threaten another human?

did they not read the 'nonviolent' clause?

also, my religion has what i like to call, the 'retroactive' clause. means whenever you finally, fully convert to evolutionism, anything that you claimed under your religion before that, even before the religion was created, is still valid. if you didn't want to pay for a coffee, and claimed it was because you're an evolutionist, it's in limbo until you fully convert.

interested?

okay. to convert, you have to go through certain stages, or levels. consider it a twelve step program cleansing the crap of the world from your soul. all the lies, all the untruths, the misinformation, the propaganda campaigns, advertisements and defining yourself through product choices and posting them on twitter. you'll be letting go of all that shit, in stages.

stage one, shedding beliefs. do not believe what anyone else says. ever. follow your own intuition. don't be stupid. stop having excuses to act stupid. be responsible for yourself. stop listening to the media. stop listening to popular music, stop watching cnn, let go of your bibles. let all that shit go. stop buying products to support companies that already have more money than you. stop using money. stop buying shit, especially lies. especially someone else's lies. at least be imaginative enough to think of your own, come up with something unique if you're going to be a retarded wacko. if you want to live in a world of delusion, that's your choice. but you won't pass step one.

stage two, embrace anonymity. no longer identify yourself. no longer carry a wallet, with an identification card, a credit card, no longer be 'on the grid' and 'videotaped by big brother' or 'uncle sam', or whichever catholic pervert is fucking you. no more hats, no more crosses, no more badges. the shedding of political opinions or direction. you become anarchist. your political view from now on, is none of the above. i do not choose what you choose, i do not choose what you give me to choose, your options suck, and i'm no less than you, i'm smart enough to create my own, you can't tell me what to do. i don't have to buy your god, i don't have to serve your prison sentence, i can be forgiven tomorrow in my religion. i do not have to work your jobs, buy your products, build and support your 'civilized society' system of control, you can't videotape me, you can't ask to identify me, because you can pretty much trust that i'm no criminal, i'm not the psychotic piece of shit out there causing problems like you're looking for. if you're an authority figure, or an asshole of any kind, you will not pass this level.

stage three, the shedding of addictions, and the embracing of the psychedelic mindset. not just addictions to drugs. television shows, products, videogames, popular music, the internet, social communication and small talk about the past. you lose all fears as well. all phobias. including gymnophobia and thanatophobia. you also loose the fear of self education, and you be a responsible adult, and look those up on wikipedia right the fuck right now. when something is said that you do not know, you educate yourself on it, as quickly as possible, you do not delay that. we embrace a community where we share joy, love, and happiness for free. we share knowledge and marijuana as a currency. which means a community of people who all know how to grow weed, build a house, and cook food, would be self sufficient, and responsible, and sane. any talents we have, we sell to the other people on this planet, and the price, like i said, is a choice. we won't take your dollar bills and credit cards. we take you. you come with us, or you stay behind. if you really want this cd that bad, if you really want her pussy that bad, if you really want my ozztek computer that bad... you'll come with us. you'll help build our community, and no longer build that old, decrepit system, built on a foundation of fear, blood, bones, and cash that means nothing to nature. we'll eventually have our own farms, everyone will know how to do everything, and it will be done by responsible people, there will be no need to bitch, command, control, punish, fight, argue, get violent, or cause harm to anyone. during this stage, you are required to have at least one ayahuasca trip, to cleanse yourself of addictions. stop using excuses to stay the same, and try to be someone different every day, because you're allowed to be someone different. every day. every morning when you wake up, you wake up with six points. food costs nothing, smoke costs nothing, bed costs nothing. if you help someone in any way, you earn another point. how you spend the points, is up to you, but when you go to sleep that night, they better be spent on something good for that day, because when you wake up the next morning, you start fresh with six points. no debts, no payments, no receipts, no punishments, no ripoffs, no excuses. if you do something wrong, all your points for the day are taken, you'll be humiliated in some way, but when you wake up the next morning, it won't be in a jail cell. you'll be forgiven, and given a chance to act better the very next day. that's what forgiveness should be. when christians talk about forgiveness, they actually mean reimbursement. what all they can reap before they die, believing that what they've sewn will never catch up with them, believing that there's a second chance to come clean in the afterlife because their god is forgiving only of them... wake the fuck up. they make excuses to suck all the best out of life for themselves, selfishly, their beliefs excuse their greed and hatred, and it's about time someone realizes it, if not them. they excuse their violence by telling you to buy products, spend more money. support and build their war machine, to pay for more excuses. not realizing the simple truths they have hidden from you through history. for example, if they go to war and kill someone... of course they can say whose fault it was, they're the ones still living. common sense. logic. taking the thought to its logical end, and not stopping half way out of fear. 'i don't know what's in the rest of that thought, it might be dangerous'. but fearlessly stepping into a war because your leaders tell you. dying for your country, fighting for your god, but having nothing to really live for. having so much to 'fight' for, to 'die' for, is not a healthy way to think. all it does is gives you a reason to hate someone, to fear someone, to hurt someone. you think they're legitimate reasons. nature sees them as excuses, as this organism on her skin simply doesn't realize it's here yet.

stage four. embracing evolution. as you have let go of god by now, and have no need for a more responsible creature to excuse your idiotic behaviour, you can now claim to be a responsible, thumbed creature of nature. as an evolutionist, you have ownership over marijuana. you can sell some to a nonevolutionist, if you want. but remember the price they pay for it. you are free to make movies, but they must be in the direction forward. about the future in some way. your beliefs are no longer beliefs, they are ideas based on science. common sense. logic. you can delve into the realm of imagination, but don't let it get delusional. keep a good understanding of psychology as you enter even your own mind. be a collector of perspectives, like i am. be able to see all of them, but choose your own, unique one. design your own, define your own, perfect your own, constantly evolve your own. you can base our future on imagination, dreams, intuition, inspiration, motivation, even fiction and fantasy, as much as you're daring enough to do, as far forward as you're brave enough to reach. do not order from the same menu in life. you aren't limited to choosing from 'cop, lawyer, or doctor' anymore. be whatever the fuck you want. we just don't want to see you dancing around like a retard in a dragon costume, telling us you're the reincarnation of king tut. you can be the reincarnation of anyone else, except jesus, king tut, l. ron hubbard, or joseph fuckin' smith, okay? if you're any of those fuckers, or even claiming to be, you'll be exiled from evolution permanently. you'll never be granted access into utopia again, but there's a volcano that way, just watch your step. if you see a bulldozer, that's just jed cleanin' up a bit.

stage five. surrendering of all personal opinions, and the beginning of your alignment with logic. whatever you think of yourself. whatever your taste in music. whatever your past that got you here was. leave it all behind. let go of it. all of it. every little bit of self. take peyote with a shaman. die. kill yourself. (this is where idiots are going to misunderstand this, and call it a cult, and this is our way of weeding out the lower intelligence quotients without having to whisper like we're around children. i believe a child can be raised better by a village than one idiotic drug addict parent wearing a cross around their neck and hanging themselves with needles and self loathing excuses. even mensa is based on exclusivity and elitism. not letting people in unless they can pay the price. they fuck people and take what's theirs anyway, and they don't think it's wrong, they blame us. does that sound like a responsible evolutionist? no, that sounds like tom cruise being a scientologist and not tipping his waiter. that's what that sounds like to an ear filled with logic goo. figure that, not having your head filled with bullshit beliefs, suffocating your every choice in life. they can say stupid shit like 'liberals are so open minded, their brains fall out', and get away with it, because we're not fighting back properly. we still assume we're under their umbrella of control, that we need their permission. did the homosapien ask permission to evolve from the neanderthal? no, the fuck it didn't. it used violence. how do we escape violence? with logic. the more fearlessly forward it stretches, the better a chance it has of getting out of this delusion while it's still walking this planet. in this level, you will be aware, that we, as a community, are basically starting over from around the nineteen hundreds, history wise. but we're counting from day one, but the linear time perspective is not important, as we strive to be happy in the moment, to live in the moment, not looking back, thinking forward, but living and enjoying life now. not fearing what's tomorrow, not regretting what's yesterday, not worrying about ten minutes from now, or two hours from now. once the community is at least functional on a communication level, we will start counting from day one. when we become a self sufficient community, no longer relying on any outside sources for survival, we can decide to stop counting, or to start over, or whatever we want, but it is no longer two thousand years since something notable happened. we are notable. we design our day. we no longer wait years for politicians to swim through excuses, trying to resist the dollar bills, lying to us about why it takes so long, because there's so many people involved in your choices. no, you make your choice now, or you're not an evolutionist. fuck procrastination. fuck saving up for a life you never get. fuck eating vegan and not smoking and driving a prius and buying starbucks because you're claiming to help the earth, when a: you couldn't give a shit about the earth or your health, and b: you throw your plastic coffee cup on the ground half way back to your house. if you have anything to lie about, or any reason to hide anything, you won't pass this step. if you have any reason to not like another evolutionist, you will not pass this step. if you still use the word trust, you will not pass this step. if you make excuses for your lack of dedication because of mental issues or trauma or damage, you will be given rigorous therapy before passing this step, as you should be healthy in the mind before even getting to step three. that means capable of making a responsible choice for yourself that other evolutionists would approve of, but we don't need to, because there's no reason to use the word trust anymore. we become a community, and you become part of the community at this stage.

that's all i have for now, i'll come back to this later and add more to it. your brain can't evolve much in a starbucks.

starbucks sarah

i am truly sorry that you have to put up with people like that. every day. i am very sorry, and i do sympathize, because i also have to put up with them on a constant basis. after the event new year's morning, i went back to my sleeping spot, and was encountered by yet another black crackhead idiot, it's already on my blog. i don't know what's wrong with them, or why there are so many of them. i do know that it sickens me more than anyone else.

that's one of my big disagreements with this world, and just one of the many reasons i'm here, of all the things i'm here to accomplish. things i'm very passionate about, that i see no one else being anywhere near this passionate about, or even thinking about. things in this world i'm very displeased with, that i want to change. i see things that make me sick, and i see no one else really being bothered by it. like the people in this starbucks right now, while this guy's being arrested, they just watch, and then go back to what they were doing. some don't even watch, they just click away on their magic thumb screens. and life goes on like normal, no one really does anything different, or says anything about it, no solutions are ever on the news.

but this shit makes me fucking sick in a very extreme way. because i'm on the wrong end of it. i'm invisible. the fact that i can't be noticed by a normal person. i can't be touched by a normal person. and i can't do anything about the violence toward me. i can't do anything about my life simply because no one understands me, even though i've explained myself on my blog, and have given out the link a million times in the past two years, and i'm stuck speaking into deaf ears, numb hearts, blind eyes, getting nowhere. the way i dress, i feel, should say it all, i think the way i dress has 'stay the fuck away from me' written all over it, it should say 'outlaw' all over it, but ever since nineteen ninety nine, all i get from people is 'hey, it's neo', or 'ooh, columbine, got a twelve gauge under there?'. did you people flunk history, or what? and i don't mean 'normal' in your version of normal. popular music, job, wallet, credit card, watches the news, wears colourful clothing, i don't mean any of that. that's why i want to draw my line through the world, my standards, my idea of what normal should be. i'm a metalhead. i have good taste in music, but i don't think media and entertainment and consuming products is all there is to life either. i'm trying to attract the right people, people obviously like me, other passionate, compassionate metalheads. the thing about metalheads, though, is that all the ones i've run into, they're pretty much mutually hateful, staring at the ground, and keep walking. i try to joke with them, but no one has a sense of humour anymore. we can't get more of the masses into comedy clubs? i'm one of the people who think we as a species sharing this planet shouldn't have to use the word 'masses' to describe ourselves.

but the fact that there are so many of those idiots doesn't seem to sicken anyone else as much as it does me, and i want to change that. the streets of every major city in this country are flooded with meth, crack, and heroin, social dysfunction, intentional public retardation with some sort of pride mentality behind it... and people who numb their brains with pop music and twitter activity, just walk right past it, and don't even see it, and both sights sicken me, how can you see that, constantly, your streets are flooded with trash, and you just walk past it, and the fact that it doesn't affect you, sickens me, who the fuck is trying to change this shit, if anyone. any bureaucrat is going to delay the shit with excuses and take forever because of 'other people'. i've recently had my life destroyed by 'other people', if my family had a family crest, it would say 'if you can't get anything done right, do it yourself'. that would consist of my dead mother, me, and my two kids, since the rest of my family was a genetic turd circus. i don't want to ramble on too much, i just wanted to offer my apology and sympathy for you having to put up with that on a daily basis as well, because i'm trying to find my way out of it for good, before one of these idiots... permanently ruins that. and i'm sorry for new year's day, the scene i made. i really didn't mean to make a scene, i was just trying to get rid of the guy, he was pissing me off, and i hadn't put my headphones in yet. i'm very sorry, i never do that, i'm nonviolent, i don't like having to hit people, even though i've had to defend myself, i've survived worse. and i'm not stupid, by any stretch. i was born extremely observant, to an overwhelming extent when i'm sober, and my mother taught me to learn from everything. one of the best lessons she ever taught me, she said son, don't just learn from your own mistakes, watch the show cops. which, in a way, was saying i could learn from anything. although, i never watched the stupid reality tv crap she did, i saw it a few times, and would ask her, 'what the fuck could you possibly be learning from that, other than what idiots those people are', and she would just click her tongue and roll her eyes. mom, that's not a proper response, especially considering you've done it the past ten year's i've been asking you that question. she would never answer. i could never tolerate stupidity. i call myself an intellectual supremacist, hoping someday, someone might get the joke. it's my sarcastic way of saying i hate stupid people, i agree with christopher titus, i think they should be the first to go. we could go extinct because of these idiots, and that doesn't send a chill down anyone else's spine, because someone just followed me on twitter! you have the attention span of a squirrel!

but anyway, i know i wrote too much for you to be able to read while you're working, but thank you for being nice to me, and knowing that i'm not one of those people. i've got a couple friends online trying to help me figure out how to meet the right people, because i'm sick of encountering nothing but those morons, and being asked for meth twenty times a fucking day, which i plan on doing a comedy bit about, hopefully you'll get to see it sometime. i do have a four minute open mic clip on youtube, if you search for animatrinity when you have the time. but i'm sorry, i truly do sympathize, and thank you again. there are better ways to start off new years. hopefully, one of these days, the methhead idiot population will be gone, products won't be important, and you and i can be friends and have a hot chocolate together some morning, in peace and quiet. i like to enjoy quiet sunrises, i've always been a morning person, that's when i have my biggest ideas, and that's when the least of those people are awake. i actually have a passionate attraction to sunrises, i've tried to describe it in poetry and photography, but i want to do more. anyway, i'm sorry that no one else really offers you any apology for that shit happening, and that it's a normal occurrence, and such a common thing that it's never even really talked about, no politicians are saying a damn thing about drugs, which means their war on drugs was a joke, i think this was their intention in the first place, to get half the population strung out on bad drugs and lost in a haze of not knowing what's going on, while this planet fills up with seven billion people, and no one's even wondering what's going on at this point, just go buy a new car and let someone else worry about it, cause that's their job, i just slit cow throats and sell vegan propaganda. like homeless security guards that harass homeless people because having a job makes them better than us. yeah, stop kicking that mentality out the door of starbucks, and think of something better. if donald trump is running for president, and no one else is thinking of this shit cause they're all distracted by that fiasco in a box... i need to get someone's attention, cause i can offer a vital suggestion right now. just let me draw my line. my people will gravitate toward it.

see, if you could put a sign on your door saying 'minimum iq required: one hundred and twenty'... that would solve a lot of problems, and if it offended anyone... that would be its purpose... wouldn't it? it's not about 'id', they misspelled it, you gotta flip the 'd' upside down, it's about 'iq', intelligence quotient, jay leno should poll people in the streets about that one, and see how many people don't know what iq even stands for, let alone their own score. i got an iq score once of a hundred and twenty, without missing a beat, i said 'fuck you, doc, i could have gotten a better iq score at a fuckin' walmart'. perhaps he assumed i was asking for some sort of phallic measurement, i don't know, i thought the brain was a different muscle, and here's another one of those idiots now. good timing to stop typing, you've got a job to deal with. meanwhile, i don't want to waste time on a job, i've got a career to pursue, and i don't have one day to waste, i'm already twenty years behind schedule according to my calendar. try to have a good day anyway, and hope with me that someday these idiots will be gone, and we'll be responsible for ourselves, and i believe that can happen very soon.

just another bad day

well, my new year is already off to a great fuckin' start. it's barely noon, and i've already had two violent encounters with black crackheads. not including christmas day. so, what, is this violent black crackhead... and... supersluts out the window day? so my mind is fucked. thinking about anything at this point is impossible. i'll spend the rest of the day spacing out on movies and sorting my music. i fucking hate people, i need to get away from them as soon as possible, and i still don't know anyone motivated enough to actually help. i'm hoping zach and holly so far, and i still need to email monique, but i tried googling her, and got lost immediately. i wish the cops hadn't stolen her card from me. pricks, pricks, and more pricks, everywhere i look, it's violent psychotic neanderthal prick with a badge or a stick day, hey, let's kill someone before the day's over, it's a great way to end the first day of the new year, with a dead man. that's how nigger brand beer does it