rainy sunday

slept okay last night, stayed dry, started raining this morning, i'm in starbucks for the day, but i've got one smoke left, minimal food, one bowl, and can't focus with all the pain, not even on the movie 'the dilemma', which i love and have been wanting to see again. just got the first email i've had since about six pm yesterday, and i usually get shitloads of automated crap. freecycle, meetup, shit like that, they send a lot of crap. i can't write too much right now, can't focus too much right now, zach is talking to me. he woke back up from his starbucks backpack nap. cops are crawling around a lot today. i'm sure it's set to rain all day, so i'll stay in here and try to get some movies watched. i store those little things in my arsenal of factoids. it'll be useful someday. there's more method behind this 'madness' than you're aware of, but there's no convincing you. i wish anyone could appreciate my verbage, but i have to create a fucking religion first. i don't think anyone's understanding my intentions, though. it's not 'everyone's' attention i want to get... it's whose. i picture peanut saying 'what's wahose?'. you know, my palm and forehead are engaged, thanks to you! we're having a june wedding, you're invited. i'm wondering how far you can take sarcasm before people take you too seriously, but at the same time, i know exactly, precisely how much sarcasm, because 'people'... therein lie the problem. people have no sense of humour. why do you think 'standup comedian' is still a job you can pick off the menu of life when you're fresh out of high school and dumb enough to not look higher up, but smart enough to not look down... that's about where you'll settle. comedian, rockstar, you know... less chains, more freedoms, looser life, better sleep, less 'responsibility' being tossed at you from people with no clue what responsibility actually is, but they preach about it constantly like they're selling a product or stuffing a fuckin' turkey. fragment thoughts make the mind skip. like going three days without an 'incident'. small minds cannot see big concepts, and that needs to be fucking advertised. hello, america! this is your television speaking! you're retarded and too stupid to know it! don't be proud of that! get off your ass and cut the coma cable membrane, take a brain breath, study something called trepanation, listen to a voice named michio kaku, and you might survive. lay there like a glob of mayonnaise, and... i don't know, did they find any mayonnaise in the landfills? how about volcanos? does it survive a nuclear holocaust? how's china? any condiments over there? ketchup? grey fuckin' poupon? anything? cockroaches? methheads? my grandmother aka satan? i'm not sure she's dead, i ain't seen no corpse. poke her with a stick. not that one, cleatus! but, if you look a little higher on the menu of life, you'll notice how it goes from 'the job section' to 'the career section' to 'the hobby section' to 'the collector section'. you notice, the higher two sections are actually not 'jobs' where you get paid to do what someone else tells you, and be proud of yourself for living in an apartment, thinking that separates you from the bum on the street in some way... well, yeah, above 'the collector section'... it still goes up. why do people pick a spot and stop? i'll rest here, i'm good here, y'all go on without me. knowledge never stops. the brain never stops absorbing. it does if you make bad choices and kill brain cells with bad drugs and try to be stupid like it's something to be proud of, but no, see, you can actually... i'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but... sorry to be the bearer of good news, but... you can choose differently. it doesn't matter what you saw on cnn last week. what matters, is that last week, you could have avoided cnn, but the good news is, there's another week infront of you. i guess someone needed to remind you of that. but anyway. the list goes up. the ladder, whatever you want to call it. there's 'the educator section', there's 'the dreamer section'... you can be any and all things, you don't even have to pick just one. yeah, like, duh, like, hello! mcfly! tee hee fuckin' hee! god, this isn't third grade mentality level, cause i have higher standards for third grade, too. humanity's mentality is at the snail stage, let's go ahead and be honest, we don't need to sugar coat this shit, they're all gonna die anyway, i can shoot first and ask questions later just like you, there's no stopping me from using your stupidity against you to open your eyes the painful way, it truly doesn't matter... so you know... you can relax, you're just my delusion in the first place, so i think i can find the words to stick your head to the fuckin' wall. have a little faith in the show here. but check this out. see, i can speak stupid, too, i can stoop down to your level, it just hurts my oxygen galaxy eater generator machine thing you call a brain, but ironically, don't know what that is either. it's okay, we're good, i like making people feel stupid, i enjoy it, it makes me feel smarter, cause i don't give a fuck what you think, you can diagnose me all you want, it only matters if i listen, but i'm too busy talking obviously, and the bad news for you is, i don't just 'love the sound of my own voice', i love the words this voice is saying, and i'm going to keep saying them till they sink in, so... let's get to business here, what are we talkin', another two thousand years till you get it? i bet i can speed that up. just a tad. anyway, getting way behind myself here. but yeah, so, you've got a ladder of knowledge here... most people don't even see it. it's not the one leading up to the television sky that's raining small talk into people's desert brains, no, that was built by some douchebag a couple thousand years ago, he thought he was doin' some babylon thing, but it turns out, he was just cracked cause his mother knew a little too much about freud, so... okay, yeah, focus here, come on. see, look up this way. it helps to close these two eyes, actually. see, you look up in this direction here... see that glowing pathway to the sky? see, these christian idiots are talking about some 'golden pathway to the sky'... somehow they use the same words, but cheapen the meaning by supporting it with a product, and they don't see the soullessness in that, i'm assuming based on logical deductions, that it's because they have no soul, but that's still debatable on the debate table. i don't know, i haven't been there in months, last time i was there, i saw a brain cell die. i felt a little ashamed, but i was the only one, so... you know... a little awkward, but i dress in that language, i was born with that tongue, and i can prove it because you don't even know what the fuck i'm talking about, you doubt me, you immediately try to debate me, because your opinion is already preformed, and you don't understand that... see, we're caught in your loop here. i'm about to, as a demonstration to you, break my way through it, like i usually do, before i suffocate my brain and kill a brain cell. see, it's very easy. i'm making my brain healthier right now just by getting this shit out of it, see. timothy leary said humanity doesn't understand the brain at all. i agree. sorry, but it's just my choice, see, you can't control my choice, you can only make your own, just as i cannot control your choice, i can only form my own. see how that works? so, figure this part out. if i make a choice based on logic, and you make a choice based on fear and paranoia... a: we've just made two different choices, and b: it's divided us. see, now you're standing over there, and telling me i'm insane. this is why i think i'm talking to mirrors in this world, you know, it's just logic that has informed me that these are just delusions in my brain, and my brain makes me think it's real, and that this concrete won't let me through that, but what you're not understanding, is that i can see through that concrete very easily, because i'm not looking at it with the same two eyes that you are looking at it with. see. choices. perspective. i see your perspective. you do not see mine, and i'm aware of that as well. see. you're getting lost here. i'm aware of that. i'm confusing the shit out of you, simply because... you might actually read this someday. intentions. i know yours. i have my own. divided through generations, how would you expect us to unite. i would like to say this and have it heard someday. if there was one band that every person on this earth could get behind, if there was one band who could unite us and bring us together... it would be tool.

aaahhh... i just got the most brilliant idea. haha. see how that happens? sorry, i gotta leave you here, you can hold your breath if you want, but i got something more important flowin' out of this fuckin' walnut shell here. sorry. finally unlocked another little nugget, gotta go plant it. or smoke it. enjoy.