blah fuckin' blah

i fucking hate my life so much. so goddamn much. i fucking hate this life. i cannot fucking wait to die. i want that release, i want the end of this nightmare, this misery, i fucking want to die. why the fuck should your death be someone else's choice? no one's ever answered that, through history. what, you're not brave enough to tackle that topic? cause the ones who were brave enough... succeeded! they defied your orders! they left your stupid fucking playpen world! ha!

everytime someone commits suicide, the joke is on you. they left your world, telling you, undoubtedly, your world that you think is so awesome and so beautiful and so special... fucking sucks! this world fucking sucks! they're basically throwing a bomb at you, a big fucking turd bomb, and when it explodes all over your house, the shit sprays into writing that says 'your world fucking sucks, and so do you'. whoever's 'in charge' of this stupid fucking world, those suicides are on you. blood on your hands for what you're doing wrong, which is 'not caring for each and every person'. if you put yourself in a role of leadership, if you're claiming that much fucking responsibility, over everyone... first of all, you're already that fucking stupid, because we'd do better without a leader, but secondly, if you're not doing what needs to be done to balance and equalize everything for everyone, so that every person is having a good time on 'your' planet... then the people who give up and end their lives, and leave your world... their deaths are on you, because it's their way of telling you, you've failed. you've failed, you've let too many of us down.

that's why i say, the first requirement for being a leader, is you have to actually give a genuine fuck about every person on this planet, not just say you do, and only keep the richest people close to you, while the poor suffer in the streets. if we had a leader who actually understood what it means to be a leader of other people, then we all would be equal. there would be no poor people. wouldn't that be magic, or just something else you'd disagree with, and try to debunk, debate, or disprove? are you smart enough to consider it? do you have enough of a human heart to not just dismiss it?

cause i had an idea i thought was valid, but no one wanted to hear it. this is before a cop told me my ideas aren't valid, this is before a guy who serves food to homeless people told me i have no standards. i had an idea, that no one wants to even consider, they don't want to hear it, because change would be bad for them, thus they fear it. but my idea was, each person on this planet, at the beginning of each year, they get three million dollars. you can legally have no more than that. if what you need for that year doesn't fit into that budget, make friends. here was another idea no one wants to hear, but i think it's valid. what a fuckin' fool i am, right? but what if we got rid of money completely, and formed a monetary system where, each morning when you wake up, you wake up with six points. no matter what happened the night before, no matter how broke you were when you passed out, when you wake up the next morning, six points. whatever you turn into turd, ash, or pillow, doesn't cost. meaning, where you sleep, what you smoke, and what you eat, i.e. food, cigarettes, weed, drinks, beds, bedrooms, pillows, blankets... those things do not cost you anything, they are just standard possessions for every human, every day, every night. there aren't many ways to spend your points, but every time you help someone else, you get a point. or, there's my high tech portable bum home theater idea. those luggage cases you see people dragging around? make those high tech. you press a button, they extend out into a bed, you press a button, it folds up into the luggage case, and follows you around via bluetooth and solar power. it locks itself to your fingerprints, and hey, you can watch a movie every night. and i'll give those away to all the homeless people for free. you can pick the two person model, or the single person model.

why do i imagine such a different, better world?
why am i so displeased with this one?
and why am i so alone in that?

i can't decide which is more painful...
living in this world...
or carrying the vision of a better one in my head every day.

i don't know which i smoke more, cigarettes or weed.

i don't know which i hate more, men or women.

you even misunderstand why i hate you.

so i'll say it as simply as i can.

i hate you because you ignore me.

i hate you for what you have that i do not.

i hate you for the crap you want that i do not.

does that make sense to you yet?

i also hate you for how you misunderstand me.
how you make no effort to understand me.

i really wish that all the super hot women could move to jamaica. either that, or let all the people like me take over ireland, where we can be ugly and lonely without having to look at your plastic perfect ass on display!

do you really have to be that perfect?
why do you have to be so fucking perfect!

and why the fuck can't you look at me!

you're not delivering a good message to the youth... for starters.

the reasons you should be ashamed of yourself are adding up like miles in a road trip, but you're still so proud of yourself. you think pigeons walk around thinking 'i'm so beautiful, i'm so proud of myself, i have such excellent colouring'.

or do you think the pigeons are thinking 'why do those crows have to be so fucking pretty, why do they have to strut around like that, flaunting their wealth'.

'thinking themselves so high and mighty over us'...

women don't want to be seen as sex objects...

fucking women...

have you ever even considered in your empty, heartless, apathetic fucking heads...

i'd love to be treated as a sex object.
i may or may not have wanted to be molested as a child.
go ahead and be as disturbed as you want by that, i don't give a fuck.

i think you're all wacked for not wanting to be touched.
i think you're all morbidly insane for not wanting sex.

but the rich only fuck eachother, the beautiful only fuck eachother...

and the ugly are left to flood walmarts together. and you think that's an okay world.

what the fuck is wrong with you? seriously? how fucking sick and insane are you?

love is not a bad thing.
sex is not a bad thing.
flesh is not a bad thing.
and my body is not a crime.
no matter what the fuck you say.
get that through your thick, heartless fucking skulls.

you are against humanity, but you accuse me of that.

the historic definition of scapegoat.
the human definition of hypocrisy.
the legendary definition of evil.

and my words are but mashed potatoes in your head.

visualize whirled peas?

why do you fear so much?
why is sex a bad thing to you?
why is love taboo to you?
why is homelessness so disgusting to you, when you created it?

i mean, i could see how a creation of yours would appear disgusting to you...

maybe you shit all over your stove once, by accident... you know, you bent over to put the turkey on the table, and sneezed, and shot shit all over the stove...

who knows. i don't mean to speculate.

but say you were getting out of your car one day, went to get out of your car to walk into work, and you had the runs, and when you pushed to get out of the car, you shit all over your driver seat.

i know embarrassing things like that happen all the time, even to the best of us. jim's dad from american pie would tell you the same thing. wouldn't he?

anyway. maybe it was a little too disgusting to clean up, so you just trashed everything, threw the stove in the back yard, and bought a new one... sold the car and bought a new one... whatever. i understand how a creation of yours could repulse you enough to make you claim no responsibility for it, but that doesn't mean you can ignore homeless people.

especially if we have a sign out asking for change.

why do you ignore that?

i felt like making a sign that says 'only cowards ignore me', but then i can't decide between the words 'cowards', 'consumers', and 'clones', because i wish those words were more synonymous in other people's heads as they are in mine, which is what gives me some of my confusion issues with words lately, all the synonyms try to exit my mouth at the same time, and i can't decide on one. for almost every word i say. every time i speak. every time i open my mouth, talking to anyone else, it's always too rushed, they never have enough time to listen to me. so i have to speak too quickly, stumbling over words anyway, and only getting to say half the things in my head, it feels like... instead of just shooting the bullets out of the barrel in an already predetermined order, so they come out fluidly and quickly... it feels like i'm having to sit in the barrel of my own verbal gun, and carefully choose each verbal bullet to be fired, sifting through a bucket of bullets, trying to find the red one with the 'w' on it. you ever have that problem?

no?

then who the fuck are you to judge me and ignore me based on image alone.

when it comes to judging books by their covers, i'm a fucking professional, whereas you're just a hobbyist. a fucking boring weekend with a literary bonfire barbecue.

yes, i judge you.

i judge you more than you judge me.

i just want you to know that.

because when you're walking past me, ignoring me... i'm repulsed by you. disgusted. everything about you, from your clothing to your beliefs, your bank account to your closetful of secrets.

i want to be touched.

you can see me as a sex object, rape me, fuck me, and you don't even have to pay me.

what a deal, right?

but only women. only females. i'm sick of being violently overpowered and violated by males. you guys fucking ruined it. i wasn't attracted to you in the first place, but now i'm just one hundred percent repulsed by you. offended. disturbed. you're sick.

i want to be touched.
i want to be fondled by people who don't know my name.
i want to be harassed and sexually assaulted.
i want to be groped in public.
i want to be molested...

if it involves physical contact with a female's flesh...

no, you don't even need my permission.
you don't need to know my name or how rich i'm not.
you don't need to pay me.
you don't need to call the cops.
you don't need to fear me.
you don't need to use any excuses.
you don't need to regret it.

is that fucking clear enough yet?

if you ladies don't want to be seen as sex objects, fucking redirect the fingers toward me! make me the fucking sex object you don't want to be! what the fuck is wrong with you! how fucking stupid are you, to still not understand that men like sex! we like you! we want you! we need you!

and please, stop using that phrase, 'they just wanna get in your pants'.

that's so extremely offensive to us. do we ever say anything like that to you?

that's extremely offensive to me, and i'm sick of hearing it.

'why are you wearing a skirt?', cause she's wearing pants and he's dragging his on the ground.

most of you ladies are wearing pants, when you're the ladies!

that's why i'm wearing a fucking skirt! that's just one reason! easy access! sarcasm! offensiveness! and to not be you!

'they just wanna get in your pants'.

okay, so how about this, ladies who want anonymous sex... wear skirts.
ladies who are offended by the very thought of sex... wear pants.

THAT WAY WE CAN FUCKING TELL YOU APART, AS WELL AS YOUR INTENTIONS!

like the stupid slutty bitch in the bars, with the short skirts, and you walk up to them, and they get offended, walk away, and then call the cops on you, and you get taken to jail, for being stupid enough to walk up to the biggest slut in the bar, and finding out that it was a scam, a fucking sitting duck, probly an undercover fbi agent in disguise, just trying to take those disgusting guys who need sex to jail...

yeah. i'm going to avoid an aneurysm, and stop now.

if you want sex, make it obvious.
if you don't want sex, make that obvious.
that way we can fucking tell you apart.

i also thought of starting the 'green ribbon society'... people who are okay with anonymous encounters, touching strangers or being touched by strangers... wear a green ribbon.

that way we know.

duh.