delusion

you're talking to yourself again
cause there's no one to talk to
boundaries suffocate
surrounded by fear and hate
reflective debate
lost in a waking state
you're pleasuring yourself again
cause that's what they tell me to do
cannot tolerate
drowning in imploding pain
praying to hallucinate
aching through the wait
you're silencing yourself again
that's all this heart can do
fancy meeting you here
what do you have to offer, dear
you must give before you get
never connect without compromise
sacrifice disguised as a scam
surrender to what they say i am
when i close these two eyes
what i see never lies
you're comforting yourself again
until they tell me what to do
dear world of fake
my heart's at stake
what you cannot take
can't have your cheap fucking cake
dear self
how long can you stand yourself
up
when up is down
in is not out
a walking lesson unlearned
shadows of those
heart overflows
remnants burned
stepping stones to a path of need
doors that close
to songs that bleed
scars of ghost dreams
in heads unhealed
i pulled and pulled
begged, pleaded, and yearned
selling my uses
battling excuses
but that missing peace...
never returned.