invisible

i'm not even sure i say the right things lately.
i'll bet you twenty bucks i'm more misunderstood than you.
i just turned thirty eight.
i've been homeless for three years, traveling for two.
trying to start my own metal band.
or meet anyone who shares any of my interests.
my interests are: evolution, psychedelics, metal, comedy, nudity.
been through seattle, portland, san francisco, los angeles,
and now seattle again.
i don't like to talk about the past, i'd rather talk about the future.
i've been trying to find one single homeless lady who doesn't do drugs.
i've been trying to find a female who notices me.
i haven't been touched in two years.
i thought intellect once attracted ladies.
now, it seems like it's just cash and showered six packs.
i say humorously on dating sites,
quantum theoretical televolutionist, anarchist, metalhead,
looking for an anticapitalist, nonconformist, nonconsumer.
i don't think anyone even reads that part.
i've cut my introduction down to that.
people like me,
who'd rather smell like a human than a plastic product.
who'd rather make a choice of their own than be a clone.
don't seem to exist anymore.
am i lost?
or did i miss the sixties?
i think it sucks that timothy leary is dead.
i think it sucks that bill hicks is dead.
i think it sucks that george carlin is dead
i think it sucks that allen ginsberg is dead.
i think it sucks that terence mckenna is dead.
i think it sucks that robert anton wilson is dead.
hell, i think it sucks that einstein and gandhi aren't around.
i'd rather have conversations with dead people.
perhaps i missed the bus.
where are my fuckin' friends?
and why is that moon so tiny?
is there some reason i'm only finding the wrong people?
even on fetlife; i haven't talked to a human in years.
it seems like i mostly get immature responses from guys.
do women still exist? or do i sound really stupid here?
this american coma...
it seems like love has been outlawed.
touch is something i can't afford.
warmth is a precious commodity.
am i completely out of touch?
have i lost reality?
i see hospital beds and intravenous mayonnaise...
god television in the sky raining products on fish hooks...
bloody chunks of soul on dollars being carried back up...
and the pyramid above it...
anyone else see that?
so many of us...
left hand hanging on for dear life...
mouth hooked up to the consumption tube...
little screen in front of us...
right hand sticking the credit card into the slot...
has love been outlawed?
is it too expensive to be touched?
is warmth illegal?
is it really this cold?
do i sound completely insane?
my heart can't take this anymore.
i sit panhandling and wonder how ugly must i be.
the miserable frowning people in denial.
makes me want to disintegrate.
i'm looking for a lady who doesn't give a shit about money.
a metalhead would be nice.
smart enough to know how to spell properly.
polite enough to know when to apologize.
are my standards too high? or too low?
am i asking too much? or asking the wrong questions?
am i completely fucking alien?
can i even be translated on google?
someone who's not stuck in that moth trap television,
that would be wonderful, please, thank you.
cause my third eye is seeing a world where...
well... a bunch of naked people everywhere...
i can smell weed...
not a credit card to be seen...
no concrete, no plastic...
i think i hear tool playing...
no television, no bad drugs, higher intellectual standards...
no violence, no weapons, no badges, no excuses...
wait, didn't john lennon say something about that?
yeah, where's that place?
google maps, get me from the playpen of doom,
to wherever they're building utopia,
can i teleport yet?
fuck.
i hear bill hicks saying 'yeah, millennials said 'fuck that road''.
i can even see the crayon misspellings etched on my eye.
if you bet that you were more misunderstood...
i think you owe me twenty bucks.
you can paypal it to me.
my name gee mailed. huh. four squared and twenty beers later... heheh.
what the fuck is this guy talkin' about?
i'm wondering the same thing myself.
in a world of automated responses...
and misspelled crayon insults...
where are the humans?