jennifer

​​someone else just pissed me off, and my fucking mouse just died (fourth one this month), so... i'm just gonna fuck myself this weekend, and try not to kill myself by the time i can check my mailbox for a new fuckin mouse, i fucking hate myself so goddamn much, i am nothing but a burden even unto myself... god, end this fucking nightmare! now! i want out! kill me! end me! whatever it takes, i want gone! this insanity is crawling around the outside of my skull, carving its way in! when the fuck does it end! when the fuck does this nightmare fucking end! i can't even describe this shit! i've never felt this weak!

i'm sorry. but fuck this weekend, even inanimate objects have to block me, derail me, destroy my plans, nothing will cooperate with me, no human will give a fuck... i just want to curl up in a dark hole and fucking disappear, i want to be left the fuck alone, i don't want any humanity to bother me this fucking empty weekend... i just need to resist killing myself... this misery just gets worse and worse and no one gives a fuck, they give less and less of a fuck the further down i get. and they all just tell me the same fucking useless thing, 'DO IT YOUR FUCKING SELF, DO IT YOUR FUCKING SELF'. if i hear that one more time, i swear...

i thought i could try to pay for positivesingles again, or post a message on skipthegames, or... but no, i can't. i cannot fucking do it. i cannot fucking do it. it's just too fucking miserable, and i see nothing but consistent failure ahead just as behind. it's just too fuckin much. it takes too much fuckin effort to get a woman's attention anymore these days. they want all the wrong shit. you'd think they'd be tired of mister suit and tie fat wallet shiny shoe douchebag, cause he's a dime a dozen, but no, they can't get enough of him. he's just so super perfect they had to clone him... i feel insane and it just hurts. you know... i'm not even gonna send this rant to you, i'll spare you the personal shit, i'll just cut and paste and post this bullshit on my blog. i was just trying to tell you, you might not see anything from me this weekend, with a dead mouse and uncooperative inanimate objects and all that endless torturous chaos... sorry. i seriously need to just sew my mouth shut. i should never have spoken in the first place. i should have been born without a mouth. i fuckin hate myself.